I've never had the nerve to call my self "normal". I fully believe that "normal" is relative - but even in a relative sense, I'm probably still considered more bat sh*t crazy than even remotely normal.
|Yes, follow your 9 year old leader|
I blame my early childhood & unbroken life patterns for my psychosis.
As a child, I was left alone quite often. Not totally alone, I had my 2 little brothers to attend to. (not better) I had no choice but to get tough and be the strong one. To figure stuff out.
If I was afraid, which I was all the time, I had to pretend to not be scared so my brothers weren't scared. I had to take the lead and to be an example.
|Ok, Yes I am.|
Can you even begin to imagine the type of example a 9 year old me, with no example, had on 2 little ones?
After I got over all that, people started dying on me. Not just random people - key people; My dad, my first love, friends. This threw me into a tizzy. I started clinging to everyone. Stopped ending toxic relationships that should have ended, because I believed those people just needed to know they were loved - and we know I want to save the world. I'd never let go of anyone EVER.
I was over the top.
This death stuff created the NEED in me to make sure that people knew how special and important I thought they were.
Even these days I try to stay in touch on a regular basis. If I lose touch with someone (could they be hiding from me??? Hmmmm)
I reach out, just to say hi.
No, I don't want to keep you forever & wear you like last year's Versace, I just want to say hi and I haven't forgotten you.
One day, I sat back and started looking at my behaviors and thought WOW - that could be thought of as, well - creepy!
Am I a creeper?? Am I a stalker?? I like to browse Facebook pages...
Happily, after looking up those two definitions - I am NOT either of those (whew). I
Here I think I'm just being Susie Sunshine & Happiness brightening the lives of those around me, when really people are thinking - "Oh Crap, here she comes. What's up with that stupid grin on her face?? Is she going to come bouncing over here.. Ahh, yes she is.... Quick - look busy..."
Really, I'm being a bit tongue in cheek. I have a lot more confidence & self esteem than I portray here. Sadly, portions of this are true, or at least were at one time in my life. Well maybe a few more times than once. I do carry a lot of this stuff around with me. I've just learned to tone it down some.
My brother's best friend, Pete, used to refer to me as "overly friendly" - that's about right, I suppose. I'd much rather be thought of as a little crazy and an overly friendly goof ball than a downright nasty you know what...
I will most likely ALWAYS bounce over to you squirting sunshine & happiness whether I just saw you yesterday or I haven't seen you in 20 years.
Is it a little goofy and off the wall, yeah probably - will that stop me? Nope.
|Why, thank you!|
I am obsessively in love with my friends. I want to keep you close to me forever and ever. Just not like last year's Versace.... Get it? Good!
And then I will tone it down and go about my merry little way.
Thank you for reading today's psychosis.
Have a fabulous day!
See, THIS is what writer's block does to me...
It makes crazy, what the heck did I just read blogs...Aren't you glad you stopped by?