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Thursday, February 18, 2016

Things I wish someone had said to me at 16 years old

I'm not sure how much I've shared on here about me... ya know, besides everything.

For the past 9 years until this past November, my husband and I were foster parents.

We've had the opportunity to have many children of different ages and backgrounds pass through our home. Each one more heart breaking than the next.  Some great outcomes, some unknown.

It was in fostering & volunteering with teens that I got to take a really good look at the life of sixteen year old girl from another angle besides the one I lived.  I can see so clearly now the things I wished that someone had told me.

At sixteen, everything seems so desperate and serious.  Love, life, everything.  They need it all to happen RIGHT NOW.

The one thing in common is that all they wanted was to feel loved, whatever that means.

True, some sixteen year old girls are very well adjusted or more well adjusted than others. Many of the girls we've helped lived lives that were far worse than anything I could relate to at that age.  I wanted to save them all - but I couldn't.  I could only say the things that had been said to me, or that I wish had been said to me.

If I could be the person speaking to myself, I'd speak the same words as I've spoken to these girls and let them know that it really is, and really will be OK.  They are loved.  They are deserving of love and they WILL have the right, special someone to love them forever - ONE DAY.

No bueno
I'm not a prude at all - so keep that in consideration when I say that modesty is OK. You don't have to dress like a nun - but cover it up.  You don't need to show it all off to get the attention of a boy you like.  Dressing inappropriately will attract attention all right - all the wrong attention!  If a boy likes you, you'll get his attention without all of that - don't you worry.

Hormones are flying all over the place - yours and theirs.  It's like a hormonal airport & everyone wants to come in for a landing....

Screeeeeeech..... slam on the breaks, girl.  You've got plenty of time for all of that.  Really.

Not everyone is ready, at the tender age of sixteen, to jump on into a sexual relationship, and it is OK to say so.

If a boy really likes you, he will respect that.  Really.  Yeah, he may be pissed - but he'll get over it.

On that angle, it's important to know the things my daddy (and my step dad) drilled into my head constantly - "Boys will tell you whatever you want to hear to get into your pants."  Honestly, hearing that over and over again really messed me up, but they were right.  Remember those words.

That doesn't mean that you're not lovable or deserving of love.  EVERYONE is worthy of love.  Not everyone is ready to love you the way you want to be loved.  That's learned through maturity.

If you find yourself in a bad situation - FIND AN ADULT YOU CAN TRUST!  Not every sixteen year old is close with or comfortable talking to their parent.  There is always an adult you can talk to - not all of us "adult" people suck.  We've all lived through what you're going through right now and as long as you're not a danger to yourself or others, we can pretty much keep our mouth shut if necessary. Do not try to handle things on your own.

Back to the boy thing....  Know this.... if a boy forces himself on you or takes advantage of you without your consent - he does NOT care about you.  If a boy truly likes / loves you, he will protect you.  He will respect you.  Even in this day and age of punk ass little teen age boys - this will always be a fact.  No one gets to hurt you.  No one gets to disrespect you.  No one gets to take what you're not prepared to give.  Know that - live it.

You many not be a full fledged adult yet, but you are human and deserving of basic human kindness and respect.  That you need to believe.

You are allowed, as your own person, to set boundaries on what you will and will not accept.  Not everyone will like that.  Too bad.  Not everyone matters.  People who genuinely care for you will respect your boundaries.  You deserve respect!

I know that it is absolutely, positively heart wrenching when the boy that you really like does not like you.  Even worse, pretends to like you and then treats you badly.  I promise you, there IS someone out there who will be absolutely, positively in love with every single breath you take.
That person is out there and that person is worth waiting for.

You deserve respect.  You deserve love.  You deserve compassion.  You deserve kindness.

All of this is temporary.  YES, all of it!  In 20 years, this will all be a mere blip in your memory bank. The good stuff will stand out and make you smile.  The bad stuff will still hurt your heart, but you will NOT remember it all.  It will all pass.

In the mean time, 
Be happy!  Be smart!  Be sixteen!

This time only rolls around once - live well without regrets.

You deserve that!

Thank you for reading my blog!!


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Wednesday, February 17, 2016

The thing about blogging is.....

When I first started blogging, I was all about the "getting the feelings out."

It was about saying what I needed to say, how I was feeling, what I thought about whatever it was I was feeling at the time.

Problem with that is the people you are sure will always know who you are and what you are all about will suddenly not know you at all and feel victimized or annoyed - even if it's not about them.

That's been my conundrum of sorts.

Finding a way to say what I feel and want to say in the moment, without pissing people I care about off and sending the wrong message.

It's been tough.

Much has transpired since I first started this little blog. Some friendships have been lost. Some friendships have strengthened and become great lessons on what friendship is really about.  Others have left behind great pain and loss in one way or another.

When I first started blogging, I became online friends with a few women who blogged like I do. Then one day they dropped completely off of the blogosphere, emailing that their blogs had "caused too much trouble in their real life" so they were done. The internet has a way of getting into your real life in ways you never expect.

Who EVER expects their best friend to drop them like a hot rock because they've exposed their innermost self online?  No one expects it - yet it's happened.
That's not my story - but it is a real story.

Why the hell would anyone want to blog like this?  Why would anyone want to continue to "bare themselves" for the world, knowing that the world could turn against them at any time?

I am very aware that not everyone is going to think or feel the way I do.
Truth is that I'm a hugely deep thinker and feeler, which kind of sucks.
It's often misunderstood.  Yes, maybe I do say too much.
But that IS who I am.  An open book.

The thing about blogging is that I say what I'm feeling in the moment, much like a diary except everyone gets to read the online "diary" of my innermost thoughts and feelings in that particular moment.
Is it possible that I don't feel as I'd written all the time?  YES.
Is that a reason that the world shouldn't have an inside look at your innermost thoughts?  Probably.
I haven't learned to keep all that is inside of me inside.  Chances are I never will.  I'm good with that.

Some individuals in my real life have held my thoughts and words on here against me.  Some have bonded closer to me, feeling they have a better understanding of me and where I'm coming from. Some who already know exactly who I am and where I'm coming from just wonder what the heck I'm going to come out with next.

The thing about blogging is that if you're going to be a feeling, opinionated blogger - you need to have some really tough skin or be anonymous.

Sadly there are more people out there looking to rip someone down than to build them up.
Not everyone is looking out for your best interest, or looking at the things you're saying as something to help another human - but as a direct shot at tearing them down.

You can't gauge how simple words on a computer screen will affect the person on the other end.

There are entirely too many thinking, feeling humans on this planet, and we all think it's about us.

Is it possible, even for a second that it's not about you - maybe just this once?

Is it possible that the things that are written are written in the hopes that the experiences of one - good, bad or ugly can help someone else - even in the smallest way?

The thing about blogging is that it's hard.  All of it.

ALL bloggers, regardless of what they're blogging about - fashion, food, life, parenting, politics, opinion - no matter what we say - someone is going to have a counter point or counter feeling.
Someone is going to "troll" your post because it doesn't quite fit them.  Really.

Confession.  I do still blog.  Regularly.
For the things I'm not so willing to be tough about, I take my thin skinned self over to my anonymous blog. I say what I want to say knowing none of those people give a crap if I'm talking to them or the person next to them, and I still go about my little life.

If I think I can help someone I know reading - even in a small way, or make you laugh, or just be my random self - I'll be back.

The thing about blogging is that I love it.  I LOVE blogging.  It gets out all the crap that's clogging my progress and it puts it out there for all of you, at any given moment.

I know I'm not the best writer.
I know my punctuation and grammar suck 3/4 of the time since I also suck at editing.

I'm just thrilled that so many of you asked for more blogging!!  <3

That is the best compliment EVER!!
(With the exception of the one person who recognized me in real life - that was a little awkward for me, but I loved it!)

As always, thank you for reading my blog!

I love you all!


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