I was away this past weekend. Down the shore, as we call it here in Jersey, doing my favorite thing - people watching.
After a few years battling Lupus and the several pounds that medication put on my body, I've been on a big health kick. Not so much trying to be skinny, but trying to do what I can to be pain free and around to see my kids grow and bless me with grand children.
OK, fine! I want to be skinny and hot like I used to be in my 20's - THERE! I've said it. :)
It's a body image thing. Do I look better than I did a year ago? Yes. 2 years ago? For certain. 5 years ago? Damn straight! I work my not so little butt off daily to try to get back to a smaller sized me. And not for nothing, I look pretty damn good for someone turning 50 next month!
So maybe saying "I wish I were a man" is stretching it a bit far. I certainly wish I could think more like one in some ways.
Mainly - Body image.
I know that everyone has their own petty insecurities over their personal body image - but men? They may say - "Man, I'm fat," they they never let that hold them back. They'll get out of the shower wrapped in a towel that might not quite reach all the way around them, drop that towel to the floor - flex naked in front of the mirror and strut away thinking, "Yeah, boy... you still got it."
They don't stress over the "moobs" or the beer belly or the excess hairs - they flaunt it.
The thing is, as a woman, I don't know how to not give a shit.
I mean, I know that not ALL women stress over their appearance & some truly don't give a shit. I'm not that woman. I wouldn't say that I stress over my appearance - it's more that I wish things were where they were supposed to be. I want to keep that unsightly nonsense tucked neatly away. Present a proper picture of what I think things should look like. Let's say I won't be strutting around in a string bikini any time soon. :) Or ever again!
|This is as close to a bikini as I get|
I've lost probably 25-30 lbs (and still going) and I look in the mirror and see that my tummy is flabby & riddled with stretch marks from bearing 8 & 9 lb children. I see that even though my "guns" are great up top and my shoulders look good, I have the bye bye arm on the bottom. I don't see the positive - I see what still needs to be improved.
I don't have the "I don't give a shit."
This is something I though about quite a bit while walking along the beach and boardwalk with my family.
I noticed other women - some bearing all (mostly the young ones) - some keeping it all tucked away - and I wondered - How do you stop giving a shit? When does that kick in? Will vanity haunt me until the day I die? Or will I finally say, ya know what...I don't give a shit.
For now, I'll just admire those who strut their stuff around thinking "yeah that's right, baby, I still got it!" Because ya know what... You do still "got it!"
Thank you for reading my blog!
Follow my blog with Bloglovin'