Wednesday, March 7, 2012
PMS, explained... Now please pass the potato chips!
Part of me wanted to tell her how it's that feeling inside you that any time someone looks at you sideways, you just want to poke their eyes out...but I decided that was something she'd learn in her own time.
Instead, this is a little of how our conversation went:
Angelic Child: Mommy, what IS PMS anyway & why do you say we should leave you alone when you have it?
Moi: Sweetie, remember when mommy talked to you about the girlie thing? (her face shadowed over with horror)
Angelic Child: Yes, Mommy. Ugh, we're NOT going to talk about THAT again, are we?
Moi: No honey, we're not - but PMS is what happens to our brains and bodies BEFORE that.
Angelic Child: You mean PMS is worse?
Moi: Oh yes, baby - it is worse, mostly for everyone else - but for us too. Imagine that someone is standing behind you & has you in a bear hug squeezing you tightly. You know that feeling like you're having a hard time breathing & you want to break free, but you can't? Now imagine that all of the wonderful chocolate and potato chips and lovely salty food are right within reach - but you can't get it. You REALLY need it - but some jerk is holding you in a bear hug. How would you feel? (Now I held back the fact that I'd also really just love to punch some one dead in the face - but she doesn't need to know momma has that feeling just yet.)
Angelic Child: Well, I would feel angry, mommy.
Moi: Yes, that's right baby girl. Now know that all of that anger you're feeling isn't real. It's all in your pretty little brain.
Angelic Child: That sounds crazy.
Moi: Yes, crazy it is, sweetie - crazy it is...As a female who will be subject to these feelings some day - you can get away with saying it's crazy. No man will ever be safe to say that. Do you understand why mommy acts angry sometimes?
Angelic Child: Well, of COURSE I do, mom - if someone was standing in the way of my chocolate and potato chips - I'd be mad too!
Moi: Good girl. Now pass mommy that chocolate covered potato chip over there, will you?
See, it makes perfect sense, doesn't it??
Today - dear folks, I would just love to punch someone dead in the face.
I'm totally feeling the, "What these are YOUR Pringles?? Well isn't that just too damn bad for you?? Why don't you just get into your little car, drive down to the convenience store and get yourself another package. Prying these chips from my hands could definitely lead to certain death... You sure you wanna play???"
Yes, yes - that's right. Throw chocolate & some sort of salty treat and leave a nice bottle of red wine while you're at it. Don't forget to leave a little note saying how beautiful I am and GO AWAY!
There - PMS!
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