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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Cleaning up after the explosion...

I'm pretty sure I've burned a few bridges & pissed some people off royally in my little life.

I have this little thing called broken filter.

I know it's not an actual affliction - but if you ask me, I'm gonna tell ya.  Like it or not.  Heck, you don't even have to ask and I'll tell ya.

I try really hard to tender my words to not hurt anyone's feelings, but sometimes I do anyway.

These days, it doesn't even have to be my mouth that gets me into trouble.  Now with email, instant messaging, texting, just flows...  All the emotion, all the stuff comes flying out my fingers too.

I am a fairly even tempered individual, BUT I am blessed with the suppress, suppress, suppress - EXPLODE type of temper.

You know that feeling when someone picks and picks and picks, and it just rolls off your back.  But go ahead and leave the cap off the toothpaste & KABOOM!
Yup, that's me.  I take a lot, but when I'm done - I'm DONE!

I also internalize things and if I don't address it immediately or if I can't fix something, I stew in it - and that never ends well.

I would much rather spin around in circles and twirl in ay pretty dress, while looking up at the sunshine reaching for butterflies...

I just want to love, love, love, love, love.  Give hugs & smile.  Flirt and give kisses.  I love to know people are happy.

I don't like to be mad, I don't like to be sad, I don't like to hurt other people - whether they deserve it or not.

I've been re-evaluating quite a bit lately.
Re-evaluating myself & my relationships; people in my life, people I've hurt, people who've hurt me.  Do I make amends?  Do I write them off?  (I'm not at all good at that) or Do I suck it up and deal with it?

In my heart, there are a lot of things I feel I've forgiven.  Once I say what I need to say, it's out there and I'm done.  However, I've now dropped what I've been feeling on the other person & it's their turn to internalize, analyze, stew & maybe explode.

Ok, so whatever...Moving on.
Yes, I've exploded & there are now little bits of Jenn stuck to places.  Some I need to clean up.  Some are other people's messes - and some I just need to think about.
In all of this, I'm given the phrase...

If you love something, let it go.  If it comes back to you, it's yours.
If it doesn't - it never was.

Now I let go...I let go of my anger, my fear, my hurt and my refusal to forgive - people and situations, as well as the pain that comes along with it.

I forgive, I move forward & embrace the love in my life.

I hope you will be a part of it!

Thank you for reading my blog!


 A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert.
During some point of the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, he wrote in the sand:


They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.
The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but his friend saved him.
After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:


The friend, who had slapped and saved his best friend, asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand,
and now, you write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away, but when someone does something good for us,
we must engrave it in stone, where no wind can ever erase it."


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