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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Not another "Lupie" blog..

When I first started out this blog, it was going to be an outlet to spout words of wisdom & feelings about Lupus.

But now - does any one REALLY want to hear me piss & moan??

I'm guessing that's a big NO - and for that reason, I do my best to just live life & not complain. (too much)

First I'd like to say - right now & the past few days, I've felt GREAT!   Really, almost "normal"!  I don't get to used to this, because I never know when it will turn.

Yeah - stuff hurts.  Yeah, I'm shot (most of the time) - and I've noticed that every once in a while my hubby (who is normally very good with all of this) gets annoyed when I just can't do things.  Mind you, I try - but when I'm shot, I'm shot.  My friends usually know when I'm trying to hide it.  It's in my voice & written all over my face - plus, as I've said - I'm a terrible liar.

So THIS will not be one of those cranky little, complaining blogs - because again, Why??  Is that going to make me feel better?  Is that going to be the little magic wand to make it all better..

Nope - I'm still me though.  And this me is just learning to live my life knowing my limitations.  To realize that if I'm starting to feel like I've had enough, that I need to stop instead of pushing ahead like I'd normally do.  I've learned that if I continue - the next day is really going to suck and no one really wants to hear it.  That's Ok - because I don't want to hear it either!  It is what it is... and it could be so much worse.  No, that's not a dare :)

And let's face it... as much as I hate to say so, I'm no spring chicken anymore.  I've definitely lost a little spring in my step, but I can hide it pretty well.   I am genuinely over the doctors & their predictions.  Their guesses on medications.

You see, I don't want to be that person.  I don't want to be the "victim".  The person who others may think thinks tisk, tisk, tisk ... she could have done...  Whatever...  I just do it.  I'm me - I have to be me.  The goofy Jersey chick who's filter is perpetually jammed open.  The mommy who rocks out & plays air guitar in my kitchen with my kids, sings the goofiest songs & says the goofiest things.  Things that outsiders listening in would think... What the....  Yeah - That is who I want to be.  That is who I want my kids to know.

I don't want my kids to grow up remembering mommy being on the couch.  I don't want to be the sick mommy.  The mommy who misses out because she couldn't walk.  I want it all for them - and ya know what, as long as I'm still "vertical" - I'm going to give it to them... Just you watch me!

I may have Lupus, but it surely doesn't have me.

Have an awesome day & thank you for reading my blog!



  1. I came to your blog through "People I Want to Punch in the Throat". I loved reading this post. I have a daughter who is going blind from a genetic disease, and we feel the same way. We don't want her to play the "victim". We don't want to be the parents that say "feel bad for us". We are still the same people -she is still the same girl. She just has a little extra challenge!! I am glad I read your blog. :)

    Take care,

  2. Thank you for coming over! I hope you'll stay. Blessings to you all on your fight :)


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