Monday, April 23, 2012
Oh for God's sake, will you please get over yourself!
You can't always be the Belle of the Ball... Sometimes you get to be the one who falls down the stairs as you try to gracefully descend them.
That, would be me :)
Once upon a time, I was a princess & I twirled around in my pretty dress. It was fun, but I never really needed the attention.
I always preferred to hang back and watch. To do my own thing & not roll with the crowd. "Dance to the music in my head."
I was generally the one with the "brilliant ideas," even though I was incredibly naive & scared to death of everything.
One morning while walking to school, junior year I believe, we got about half way to school. (and YES we did WALK 2 miles each way to school) We got to the elementary school, sat on a swing to rest & I just blurted out..."Hey, let's cut school." I was with Pam & I forget who else. Pam said, "Ok, what do we do?" I didn't know either - but we just turned around and went back to my house.
We had a fun 'ol time, but of course got snagged eventually.
Most of my not so fabulous decisions have made the best memories, but awful examples...so Victoria - I know you're reading this, Auntie Jenn says, "don't do as I've done!"
In my teens, I kept a fairly good distance from things that made me feel uncomfortable. Believe me - no matter what I thought was bad, someone else was doing something way worse!
While some of my other "friends" were dabbling here & there - I hung back & did my own thing.
I didn't need any help being led into temptation...I already had the road map inscribed into my brain.
Sadly, no one really cared what I did. As long as no one was inconvenienced, all was well.
When my friends really began dating, I was scared. I had boyfriends, but as I got older, the "expectations" were higher. I was scared to death - so I kept things at arm's length.
When I finally fell, I fell hard. We broke each others' hearts continually. We eventually ended up with other people but remained close. Even though it was years later, I took it incredibly hard when my first "real love" died. I shut down. I was young, relationships were scary & people kept dying on me.
I no longer felt like the "Belle of the Ball."
I felt confused & made lots of mistakes.
There are things I wish I'd handled differently, but I've no regrets.
Much time has since passed. The years and greys have collected.
I may not have tons of men at my beckon call, but I'm good with that. I have my one and only Prince Charming and I am his Belle (yes, I know I'm mixing up Disney stories). There's no one else who's beckon call I'd rather be at.
I have all I've ever wanted.
Yes, I do continually fall on my face - who cares!
I'm over it! I've never really needed to be the Belle of the Ball.
I've always been pretty content to be me & continue to dance to the music playing in my head.
I'm sooooooo over myself.
I'm only here for a little while. I'll fall on my face and embarrass myself many, many more times in my little life. But I will also have my little shining star moments as well.
The trick is to not let the brightly lit star moments blind you from those stairs you're about to fall down!
Thank you for reading my blog!