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Thursday, April 19, 2012

Like a dog with a bone....

Admittedly, when I've got something that I can't seem to work out - I'm like a dog with a bone!

I will NOT let it go until I have my desired outcome - or at least an outcome that I can understand.

This does not always bode well for me because I can be fairly relentless.  People don't always like this.

For the most part, others are safe.  It's me.  I'm incredibly hard on myself.  No matter who's right or who's wrong in a situation, I will internalize it and try to fix it.

It's because I truly care.

The "Fixer,"
That's me. 

Give me something, anything and I will find a way to fix it - or I will totally obsess over it until it works out as I think it should.

I think that's why child services has blessed me with so many of the kids that need "fixing".  Medical, emotional - whatever - gimme your kids - I'll fix 'em.  Or do as much as humanly possible to help them.

When they leave here, they've got all the medical care they needed, services they needed, a solid plan, a ton of clothes and of course shoes.  Not to mention a better sense of self than they came with.  This, I'm good at.

Of course, in the fixing there's the bonding & then when they move on, I'm the one who needs fixing.

Lately, I've been fairly obsessive about getting my "house" in order.  Not my actual HOUSE - just the things I need to deal with.

I'm at the stage in my life where things are not exactly where I was hoping they'd be.

For the most part, my life is great.  There are a few things I don't understand, but I'm working through it.  It's more the ME stuff that I've got to get in order.  Things I need to let go of.  Relationships that need to be forgiven and mended or just filed away for now.  Needing to accept the fact that not everything is in my realm of power.  I can't fix everything & I need to deal with that.

I'm the one who needs fixing now, and I'm working on it.

Stay tuned.

It only gets better.

Thank you for reading my blog!


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