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Friday, August 10, 2012

Checking stock, expiraton dates & re-stocking....

I swear I'm not in my pantry looking at cans & expiration dates.

Right now, I'm checking the status of my heart.  Taking stock of the good in my life and trying to figure out what may be expired.

I'm also reviewing the way I've lived my life over the past year; How I've acted and things I've said and done.  Have I treated people fairly?  Have I let those I love feel loved?  Have I been rude or uncaring?  Have I done anything that I should re-check and maybe fix?  Have I put up with more than I ought to in some areas of my life?

I've had some pretty eye opening situations lately.  Things I really should have paid more attention to as they flew by me and I'd missed completely.

Things that make you go hmmmmmm.

The past year has certainly been a weird one for me.  Quite a lot of stuff that I'm not used to was going on with my body, with my mind and I suffered many medically induced incidents.  Some psychological, some physical.  Either way - it's been a long road of me taking control of my own medical care - deciding what is freaking me out and what is working.

Was it hard?  Yes.  For a little while, I felt like a real life, true "junkie" looking for a fix.  It was weird and scary and painful and I was doing it without proper medical advice.  No one yell at me - because ya know what - I was right - the doctor was wrong!

If not for a total whacked out incident, I'm not sure where I'd be.  I'm both sad and thankful for that moment.

Through this, I have begun taking inventory on my life, as it is now.  This blog has been a great review for me.  I have been able to go back and sort of re-live the past year with both a giggle & a HOLY CRAP - let's take that bad boy down.

I know I've ruffled some feathers and maybe hurt some feelings.  I feel really badly about that, but I can only apologize so much.  From here on out - I can only look ahead, and still feel sure that even the "back to normal" me - may totally blow it.

Happily, I'm feeling good.  Really good as a matter of fact & thankful that I'm no longer the prisoner of my own mind that I was for that short period of time.

There have been many days - weeks, maybe even months where my darling, sweet husband looked at me and asked what my problem was.  Why the hell was I so angry?  What's going on?  I couldn't answer.  I couldn't control it.  I had to ride it out and hope that things would just right themselves.  That sucked!  I'd like to think that I'm much nicer than I had been.  He'd know better.

My random hot flashes remind me, though - that I can still explode at random. Whoopsie.

For certain, all of our lives are full of both the cream and the crap - sometimes it's hard to tell the difference while you're floating along.

I know for sure - it's been a crazy year.  I've had some rough days, but certainly the good outweighed the bad.  I'm happy with who I am and it's really all good.

You can't appreciate the highest of the highs - without the lowest of the lows.

Smoochies folks!

Thank you for reading my blog!


**  Dedicated to my friends and family who went through the ick with me - those who had a front row seat to the mighty ass hat show, that made me realize I'd gone  totally bat shit crazy.  If not for that day, I would still be listening to that doctor & taking all the meds he prescribed.  Thank you for sticking through it, even if you rolled your eyes a lot.  Love you guys.  xxoo  


  1. Jenn, this post is really wonderful, I am happy that you wrote it. It was something that I needed to read today, and it helped me put things in perspective. I am also happy to know that you are feeling better and getting back to being yourself. Take it from me, there are a lot of drs out there who suck..

    Have a great weekend..

  2. I feel you on this Jenn. I put on one hell of a mighty ass hat show a couple years ago. It was a doozy. I took that shit on the road. But it does get better and I'm glad it's getting better for you. Keep on truckin' girl!

  3. Turns out your blog has been as good for YOU as it has been for US. Go figure!
    Keep doing what you need to do for YOU. Hugs!!


  4. Love this girl! Sometimes it hurts to look inside, but it is SOOO good for us to do so! Love you to pieces and keep it up!


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