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Friday, December 9, 2011

Givers & Takers...

In all relationships, there are givers & there are takers.

Being the oldest child of 3, I was largely responsible for taking care of my younger brothers and making sure they stayed out of trouble.

This started from the time I was about 7 years old and continued through my teens.  I was so used to taking care of someone, I continued to do so well into my adult life.

This "co-dependent" behavior was most likely the cause of the many failed relationships I'd had in my life - rolling right across the board from friendships, to family, to love relationships.  I was always wanting to give all to the other person & take care of their every need.  So much so that I neglected my own needs.  With a few exceptions, I continually chose people who were in some way "needy".  Someone to take care of, but didn't know how (or want to) take care of me.

At some point, the giving got old & I became resentful.  My fault, really...  I invited the situation.
This continued on for years and years.  I was so good at taking care of myself and doing for myself that I never really wanted anyone to take care of me.

Any time someone offered me their help, I politely thanked them & declined.  Even when I really did need help - I never called upon anyone for help.  However if anyone needed me, I was there in seconds.  Doing all I could to make sure everyone was happy.

Fortunately, as I've aged and matured - I've realized that I can't do it all.
I do need to be able to depend upon someone else every once in a while & that's Ok.  It's actually good to have someone take care of me if I need it.

I do still have the perpetual need to save the world, but that's just who I am.  I'm a giver, and that's Ok.  I like to see people happy - but I like to be happy too, so I've learned to not only give - but to take too :)

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