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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Reverse Judgement.... I think this way & I'm right - but you're wrong because you think....

You always hear about how judgmental people can be. Don't judge me because I'm....whatever....

Do you hear much about "reverse judgement"?
Mmmm not as much, because no one feels they're guilty of that particular type of judgement...

A judgement much worse because it's fueled by the emotion that comes along with feeling judged, or the need to protect the judged.

Once upon a time, before I went back into the work force, I was involved in some work from home opportunities.  Truth be told, I like to work. Being a stay at home mommy is certainly a job, but I'm cerebral.  I need to be challenged, so I took this on with hubby's full support.

Working from home wasn't exactly easy with a toddler & pre-teen demanding my time.  I scheduled my business around naps and dinner, sporting runs and hubby being home.  Time management became a huge part of my day / business.  I loved that business for the same reason I love blogging - I get to meet new & different people every day.  I even got to personally interact from time to time. 

Now, I am not a person to judge.  I didn't have the best little start out in life.  People looked down their noses at my family when I was younger & probably longer than I care to remember.  I worked hard to move away from all of that.  Most of what surrounded me back then was not MY issue, it was situational and why I was able to break free.  It is also one of the biggest things I keep in my mind when I meet new people.  Nothing is always as it appears.  I don't know their story.

I have mentioned many times that my daddy was very "peace, love and tie dye".  He was down to earth.  He loved everyone & accepted people for who they were.  This is the example he set for me. To look at people & see their hearts, not the surface stuff.

Now I work to be the type of person my dad would be proud of. A person who accepts people for who they are.  Everyone has a story.

That said - let's rewind back to my business days.  I befriended this one girl via phone & really wanted to help her.  She was a single mom, struggling & I really wanted to see her do well.  In that, I worked with her to set up a presentation in her home.  I was venturing out into unknown territory, and didn't think twice about it.  I seldom do.

I dressed in proper business attire & took the 3 hour drive to where she lived, no questions asked.  She wasn't well off.  That was apparent.  I worked with her to make things look nice.  I helped her to set up and sat with her & educated her to the best of my ability to help along her new business.  I brought her much of my own stuff to keep.  I wanted her to succeed.

Her guests began to arrive, and one after another - they looked me over in ways that made me feel very uncomfortable.

If you don't know me personally, when I feel uncomfortable - I turn the "Jenn" up a little higher.  I become - well, just more.  I smiled bigger, I talked more - I "overly friendlied" all over the place.

No one budged.  I could tell that there was no one there even sort of willing to hear me out or give me an inch of courtesy.  I was even "heckled."  It was awful.

At the end of the day, I packed up.  I took the long drive home upset and wondering what set these people off about me.  Why no one cracked a smile - not one.  I felt I'd let this poor girl down & couldn't figure out what I'd done wrong.

When I got back to my house - I called her to see how she thought things went.  She happily stated that after I left people came back & started looking at the items I left with her.  They asked her many questions & she had three people who wanted to join her business.

Of course, I was thrilled for her - but I couldn't help but ask if there were something I'd done to upset anyone.

To that - she merely stated that I was over dressed & that her people didn't take to my fancy schmancy ways.  I was shocked!  I am not a "fancy schmancy" type.  I'm fairly down to earth & as I always say - non-judgemental, mostly.

I bring up this point - because I know many folks - not just one, MANY - who will say they are non-judgemental.  They accept this, that and the other thing and they don't judge you either - unless, of course - you don't agree with their point of view.  Then you're wrong.

That, my friends - is reverse judgement.

I don't particularly care if you are a Demo-public-Chri-ish-lum-tant-bi-heter-esbia-hom-afro-nese-cauc-polar-exi-rican!  People are people are people!  Suck it up and deal with it!

We are ALL different!  If we were all meant to be the same, we'd all be named "Bob" and look exactly alike.  We're different.  Plain and simple.

No one thinks exactly the same - no one has the exact same beliefs.

You not liking someone because they don't agree with - say, the Democrats - doesn't make them better for you not liking you because they're Republican.  It's all the same.  No matter how you dress it up, it's judgement, baby....

Do I think I can "teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony" (click on the link, it's very Kumbaya) hold hands around a camp fire & share a Coke -- Oh sheeesh... Pepsi, OK :)  Mmmm - No, I don't.

I'm not perfect.  I can definitely have opinions that other people don't like - but that's my problem.  By the same token, I'm not going to trash you for not agreeing completely with my point of view.

Think about it...

I just did.

Have a fabulous day!!



  1. Well said, Jenn! Very well said.


  2. I wish people did NOT judge anyone. I don't care if you are poor or rich, I promise you most people judge what is not like them. It's sad. I've caught myself doing it. I do not do the "dress up" thing very well. I am very uncomfortable around people who do that. See, it's sad. I pry missed out on meeting some great folks, cause I reverse judged them.

    You brought this to my attention. I'll try harder, not to be a snob snob.. until then.. just come visit in your jammies.. It'll be fine..

    1. You come on over in your jammies! I promise you that most days, you won't find me all dressed up, but in my jeans! Thank you for commenting, Judy!! I'm thrilled to have you here :)

  3. Isn't it interesting how quick people are to judge and their percpetions. I find myself guilty of judging every once and a while and I have to say, ok, now stop that...judge after you get to know them a little For real though, this is so valuable and something that I find very important in teaching my children!

  4. Eye opening for a lot of reasons. I like the points you made! I am definitely going to think on this today. I have been trying to teach my four not to judge - and until the oldest expereinced a severe judging - he didn't get it. It was a life lesson I hope he holds onto ..... I really enjoyed reading this!

  5. You're absolutely right. I've been fortunate to live on both sides of this fence myself and people are judgmental no matter what their circumstance. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I finally came to realize that you can't please everyone and just because I worked my ass off to get to where I am today to get myself out of the poor living conditions of my youth, I shouldn't be penalized for it; it made me into the strong woman I am today and if you don't like the way I live my life, that's your problem not mine. :)

  6. Jenn, I cyber-bombed your FB for Cancer-Awareness month. Well, not really, I just posted. I'm all Drama Queen, without the Drama and well, sans Queen too, I'm a Wallace; we hated royalty back in the day. Ah, that old bete noir, judgement. You sound like me. I can say things or behave a certain way and people will get all up in arms about it. Then I get hurt and apologize.

    When I parse it later, or when someone acts offended, sometimes I find that I wasn't rude or overdressed or careless at all. I am blind to the way people act and in the common interactions that go on between people. I've always been like this. I try really hard to not be mean, but I'm just not aware of all of that. It's an Asperger's thing and I write about it in my blog, too. I think you're wonderful and I'm loving your posts, Jenn. The farmer's wife with 5 kids recommended you to me. I love her, too! Thanks!


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