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Friday, May 25, 2012

Sentimental Me....

Well, here it is - Friday morning, finally and I've got nothing ready to go on my little "blog hopper."  I've got plenty started - but nothing actually ready to go.  So here I am, at 6 am, trying to hurry up and get caffeinated to get this blog of mine completed and out there with at least SOME meaningful tone.

You do know I've had people here, right??  While they're here, I'm at least trying to be good little hostess.  Meaning that I don't want to sit here with the computer stuck to my face as often as I normally do.


Here's what I'd started...if it again leaves you with the whole, "what the hell did I just read?"  Just keep in mind, I'm brushing this up on a day I thought was Saturday when I woke up.  I'm sadly disappointed that it's only Friday and I'm headed for a rushed, not fun filled weekend.  (I plan to work on that fun filled part.) 

Truth is, I'm missing my alone time.  The time in the morning and after work where the house is quiet.  Where I can just plop down on my couch - watch my DVR'ed shows and blog or read my blogs.  Or do nothing at all but remember.

Sometimes people get mad at me because I love to reminisce.  To just sit back and remember the "good ol' days".

I don't care.  I love my past.  All of it - even the crap.  It's all helped me to become the person I am today.  The people I love or have loved.  Makes me smile on rainy days like today, where I've just been a total cranky pants.

For some of you who have known me forever & are thinking WHY would she want to remember??  Yeah, I know - I did not have a stellar childhood, but who the hell cares?  It's not like I can do anything about it now.  I did stuff I'm not proud of.  I've seen and experienced things that I wish I could completely delete from my memory banks forever.  I've taught myself most things & learned hard lessons by trial and error.  I've had my heart broken & I've broken hearts. I wouldn't change a thing.  I am one big beautiful mess and I'm OK with that.

I embrace it all.  I've got some really amazing memories mixed in with those really dark days.  I love to think about some of these things & people.  It makes me smile, even laugh out loud.

Sometimes when things suck, I'll roll my brain back into rewind, fall into my own "Private Idaho" and stroll through the corridors of my mind.  No, no - it's too scary a place for all of you.

I've still got some of the people around whom I've brought dragged along into my present.  I'm fortunate enough to be able to still throw out totally off the wall stuff & know they'll laugh along with me.  No one else will get it, but they'll bust a gut.  I also know, looking ahead into my future, that in 20 more years, they'll still be laughing with me - or at me, it really could go either way.

So often I wish I had my little time machine to go back and just participate in some of those really fun times, not change - participate.  I hold them tightly to me, as I do all of you who have come along with me - and to those of you who didn't, for one reason or another.

I'm rolling into the time of year where I usually get a little melancholy thinking of Gary, my dad & brother.  But I've decided to turn that all around & instead of being sad that they all left this planet too soon - I'm going to smile on the good ol days.

I'm sentimental like that.  So you, yes you...You are now a part of my past, present & hopefully future and I love you all.

Happy Friday!!

As always, thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

PS.  Hubby WAS mad about yesterday's post...  I've got some butt kissing to do.

Oh.... And done with 4 minutes to spare before the girls get out of bed!

2 comments:

  1. Jenn, you really touched my heart with this post. Thank you so much for writing the words that have been rolling around in my own head for what seems like forever.

    Have a wonderful weekend!

    ReplyDelete

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