What was the defining moment?

Have you ever been around someone you've known for several years, or even someone you just met wondered what the heck happened there?

What was the defining moment in their life to rob them of the spark that made them who they were?  The thing that changed them.

I know a few people who fall into this category.  In some instances, I know exactly what it was that snuffed out their spark - the defining moment in their life that changed them.

This story could be about anyone...but today, it's about my old friend and neighbor, Bill.  Rest his soul.

Back when was young and single, I rented an apartment above a warehouse.  Alongside my apartment was another smaller apartment rented by an older single gentleman.

Now, I - as you've learned by both this blog and my Facebook page - am very friendly.  I love everyone & I take a genuine interest in people.
He had no other choice but to be my friend.

Early every morning while I walked my dog, I'd see Bill go off to work. Every evening, we'd come home from work about the same time.  He with his 12 pack of Bud in hand.  Me, ready to rest up for an evening of partying.  I didn't cook often because it was just me, but when I did I'd always invite Bill for dinner.  He never took me up on my offer.  His standard response was that he "had chicken out".  He was always friendly and helpful.  If I needed a hand with anything, he was immediately there to help out.  One afternoon he told he that he'd made a pot of stew to take to his cabin but wasn't feeling up to it - did I want to come for dinner.  I accepted the gesture.

When I went into his apartment, I was suddenly saddened.

His kitchen had a small table with just two chairs.  His living room had one wing back chair in front of the television and an end table with an ash tray over flowing with cigarette butts.  Almost as if he'd never expected any company or didn't want any.  No other being, besides his parakeet, Sparky.  I hated that bird. "Domesticated" birds and I just don't get along. I'd walk in and this tiny little thing would dive bomb me.

Anyway, over the months and years that I lived in my apartment, I'd look out for Bill.  I made sure he had a meal even when he "had chicken out".  If I didn't see him going off to work, I'd check on him to be sure he was OK. We became good friends.  I learned much about Bill and his defining moment; the moment where he caught the love of his life (his wife) with his best friend.  The moment that turned such a good soul into a total loner. Love gone horribly wrong.  Something that shut him down and closed him off.  I felt sad for him.

As my life went on, Bill stayed a part of it.  I got married & moved away. He became best friends with my ex-husband.  He was my son's Uncle Bill and a part of our family.  He fished with my ex and did things other than sit in his apartment with that bird, but never even tried to find love again.  "There's a lid for every pot," he would say.

I consider myself incredibly lucky and extremely blessed for the happiness in my life.  I know that my life could also have taken a horrible turn.  I could have become jaded toward love - a cynical, bitter woman.

It amazes me how love can both flourish and kill a person.  How love, so deep could crush the soul of one, while taking flight in another.

Have I been ensnared by the trappings of love in my life?  Absolutely.  I can tell you with absolute certainty that the heart wants what the heart wants - but the heart lies.

I too have a defining moment that changed me.  It put up walls, created unrealistic fears and held me back for years.

What I learned is that as much as those walls may have protected me from the hurt and pain - they also kept away the good.  It wasn't until I learned to trust again and tear down my walls that I was able to find great love and happiness again.

There may be a lid for every pot...  but who's to say that another lid won't fit better?

Do you have a defining moment?

Thank you for reading my blog!

 My very best to each and every one of you for a happy, shiny new year!

Love and Smoochies.

~Jenn