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Friday, September 30, 2011

Who's you Daddy??? Um, not YOU...

Now that I've got your attention, I hate to break it to you - but this post is going in a whole different direction.  :)

I know, I know - I tricked you.  Sorry, lol..

I'm just really annoyed & need to vent about women having their children call the man they are dating "Daddy" - especially after only a few months.

No offense to the guys who actually deserve the title, but I can't imagine that if you are a stand up guy that you'd want someone else's child calling you Daddy unless you know you're going to stick around...

Before anyone gets all defensive on me, I was a child of a mom who dated a lot AND I was also a divorced, dating, single mom once upon a time.  So I feel very entitled to vent on this!

Way to REALLY screw a kid up!

Once again - let me remind you - this post isn't directed at anyone specifically, so if you're feeling like I'm pointing the finger at you directly or this hits home in some way - take note, because you are about to be schooled!

I'm not good at holding my thoughts and feelings in, and when I'm about ready to blow - there's no stopping me.  I'm not standing in a place of judgement, but I AM definitely stating my (very strong) thoughts and opinions & you may not like what I have to say.

So I have this little chickadee...  Who has had several "daddies".  She always talks about when this one was her daddy and when that one was her daddy - I had to interject.  Wrong or right, I told this little girl that just because mommy has a new boyfriend - that doesn't make him her "daddy".  Especially since one of her "daddies" is her abuser.  How horrific!

Again, way to really screw a kid up!

I very clearly explained to her that biologically, we only get one mommy and one daddy.  The job of a mommy and daddy is to love, protect and teach their little person.  The end.

Not every biological can carry through their end of the bargain.  That's why there are adoptive parents, foster parents (including family) & step parents.  That is also why there are foster kids & messed up kids who grow into messed up adults!  I'm definitely one of them.  (mother, if you're reading - click the little x button now)

I consider myself to be a good parent.  I was both a divorced single mom at one time, and the product of divorced parents.

As the product of divorced parents, it was definitely not cool for me to have known mommy's "friends" AND I remember all of them, some not in a good way.  Luckily my mother never made me call anyone beside my own father "daddy".  However, her open dating is something that definitely screwed with my head when I was a kid.  It was also the reason that I kept my son far away from anyone I was dating.  He was a kid.  He was MY baby and MY responsibility and he already had a father.  He may not have been father of the year, but I wasn't looking for a new daddy for my son.  My marriage didn't work out - my bad, not his!

Yeah, I dated - but both my husband and the other person that I dated will attest to the fact that my son was never anywhere around.  I did my best to keep my personal life & my son separate.  My husband didn't get to meet my son for several months, and only after my dad cleared him.  Then there was STILL minimal interaction for quite a long time!  I didn't want any confusion on my son's part, especially since the only time my son briefly/accidentally met someone I dated (prior to my husband), he called him "daddy" out of confusion.  I nipped that in the bud immediately & that was the last time the two laid eyes on each other.  It was a good thing, because he was not the person I married.

Kids don't know any better.  They just want their world to be warm & fuzzy - happy & secure where everyone smiles & hugs each other.

To some of you women, I just want to smack you upside the back of the head & say WAKE UP!

Your beautiful little baby didn't ask to be here - you brought him/her here...  When you became a mommy - you became #2.  All your little wants and needs - SECONDARY....  The kids come first.

Wow, that sucks, huh???  How's that for a reality check??  The world no longer revolving around you, but someone else!

That's parenting - them first - you a very distant second...

If this hit a chord with someone - GOOD!

You are the person responsible for giving your little person the sense of security and self respect that will carry them through life.

They should look at you as a model of how they should be - not how they shouldn't be.

Your choice.

I pray that you don't screw it up!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Lupus, Prednisone & Weight Loss..

I have Lupus, if you didn't know...  I don't wear it as a badge of honor by any means - it just is what it is...

I sort of don't even care anymore.  At first it was all desperate and serious.  I was really sick (a lot) in the hospital, incredibly weak - the doctors even tried to kill me once & nearly succeeded!  Now it's jut another thing.

Here I still am, 2 plus years since my diagnosis, still kickin' but about 30 lbs heavier.... Thank you steroids more specifically Prednisone!

When I first got really sick & was in the hospital, I was on mega-doses of Solu-medrol via IV.  When I say mega-doses, I mean mega-doses - to the tune of 20 lbs gained in 5 days time in the hospital.  Yeah, that sucked!

After I got out, they maintained the Prednisone regimen.  This made me irritable (angry) a little crazy (psychotic) and heavier (Mooooooooo).  I began to watch what I eat and try to exercise - but nothing.  The scale did not move - well, it didn't get lower, that's for sure!  Finally I told the doctor - that's it, no more Prednisone, what else do you have?

So, as a Lupie, my fellow Lupies will get that the doctors will throw every drug under the sun at you.

I tried a few things, but listened to my body - if I was worse, I canned it.  Medication is an entire blog in itself, so I'll just skip it...

I finally was able to start losing some of the weight & have squeezed my butt into the next size smaller pants (yayy) Even if they are a little snug, they're on!

Eating properly is the easy part, exercise - not so much.
I'm not a fan to begin with!  If God meant for me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. Nevertheless, I've lost 20 lbs so far - with many more to go (as far as I'm concerned).

So here I am today, with my bag 'o salad - an apple, yogurt and chicken breast strips - oh and my water, of course -- lots & lots of water.

I got on the scale this morning (after a full week of this) and I've lost a full half pound.  Are you kidding me??

Can I also say, while my knees and elbows are screaming at me, I've been doing my eliptical machine EVERY NIGHT like clockwork!  I started with 10 minutes & have worked up to 20 minutes...  Ouch...
Talk about pain!

It's not bad enough that I'm watching everyone else's cheeseburger's go by while I eat my rabbit food - but I exercise to the point of exhaustion (I even sweat, gross) and a half a pound!?!?  Really??

Ugh, there's got to be a better way!!

I continue to fight the Lupus battle, ever day, every minute, every second...  I try to ignore the fact that my body is kicking it's own A**.  Some days I do great.  I have this awesome burst of energy & totally capitalize in it... and then the next day zzzzzzzzzzz....  Wiped!

It is what it is, though - can't fix it, can't change it - so I deal with it!

Now, if I could only squeeze into the next smaller size jeans - life could be even better!


Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Monday, September 26, 2011

It's Monday...

I know this morning's post wasn't even close to being one of my best -

I've reviewed a few in the wings & tomorrow will be better :)

Thank you for reading anyway....

Sometimes it just is what it is...................

~Jenn

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Re-evaluating! (again)

Well, my little teeter totter of life has officially tipped, throwing my balance off to rapidly roll down to the next big 0 of my life....

I mentioned before that I would do so kicking and screaming - I have not disappointed.

I was treated incredibly well on my birthday.  My family wished me gentle happy birthdays in the morning, as did all of my amazing friends.  Facebook was equally kind lending a forum to all of my friends, past & present.  I'll have to admit, that did brighten my day AND make me forget the number for a little while.
Hubby & the kids took me to the Outback (at my request for the kid friendly thing) and made them sing to me (eek) - I got all of my requests - new GPS (yayy), a Nook (yayy again) and what is my favorite gift (no judgement) and electronic bug swatter!!!  I am a happy, happy woman.

So now, the re-evaluation begins.

I can be a little, eh hem, over the top.  It's just who I am.  Over and over, I'm puzzled when I push too far and then can't fix it.  So now - I'm upset because I can't fix something that matters to me because my goofing around went too far.  I believe I mentioned this in a prior post how I seem to get myself in trouble & no matter how hard I try to make it better or back pedal it seems to get worse.  Now I wonder, is it worth it?

I know that I constantly receive little God buzzes about what and what not to do.  Part of me says forget it, the people in my life who are important get me & let it roll off their backs.  Perhaps these people aren't important, but EVERYONE is important, and those God buzz tells me that everyone has something going on - don't give up on them.  That's the part of me, along with the guilt of not trying harder with Eric, that makes me keep going.  Am I making it worse?

Emotionally, I'm probably a 5-year-old -  I just want everyone to be happy, hold hands and sing Kumbaya.
You could hurt my feelings, ignore me & kick me while I'm down - but like the puppy that the mean 'ol master just kicked - I'll come running back to lick your face because I love, genuinely & truly.  I just want forgiveness, acceptance & to move on.

The rest of the world isn't always that way & they're always looking for the hidden motive.

So what exactly am I re-evaluating?  I don't know - because no matter how old I get - no matter how hard I try - I step on it.  I feel bad, try to fix it and then I feel awful when I can't.  I could re-evaluate how I handle things - but this is who I am.  I could re-evaluate my friends - but if they're my friends, there's a reason for it...  So it is what it is.

Emotions will always get in the way, in every single portion of your life.

Personally, I know what I've got - I'm a happy, happy woman.  I've got all I've ever wanted and more.  I've caught my "brass ring" and I'm so in love with it that I'll never let it go!  I don't know how to get it for anyone else.

On your re-evaluation of life, I hope that you see your own personal "brass ring" reach out for it & hold it tight.  Everyone has one especially for them - I know yours is there!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

We let emotions confuse us, and that often leads us to make decisions we later regret. -Joyce, “Living Beyond Your Feelings”

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Cruising 101... Counting down!

My first cruise was truly an amazing and interesting experience.

Firstly, I had no idea if I would get seasick or not.  With that in mind, I went to see my doctor and got a prescription for that little patch that goes behind your ear.

I highly recommend that if your are going to cruise & this is something you are planning on purchasing - READ THE SIDE EFFECTS!

It's not nearly as fun to get that little "loss of vision" side effect while on a ship in the middle of the Caribbean at a Martini Tasting!  Talk about confusion!  It's hard enough learning how to walk on a moving ship, never mind doing it after a few cocktails without proper vision!

Luckily my husband read the side effects (after the fact), I took the patch off & started to regain proper vision within a few hours, but whew - what an experience that was!!

Also, maybe you won't actually BE seasick!  I don't get motion sickness.  I was still on the ship when I took the patch off & nada - nothing, not even a little queasy, but I didn't know in advance.  It's good to be prepared in the event of rough seas.  May I suggest those handy dandy little wrist bands instead or even Dramamine.  Yeah the bands mess up your tan, but would you rather spend time worshiping the porcelain god, or enjoying vacay??  Yeah - that's what I thought.  It's not like you can get a tan inside your cabin anyway!  :)

Also, I strongly recommend pre-purchasing your on board ship credit.  There is nothing like having the reality of vacation coming to an end smack you in the face harder than the sign & sail bill....  Eek!  Especially if you like to have a few cocktails.  Think NYC prices when you're ordering your little drinkie poo's...  They're like $8 a pop, no joke!

If you like to enjoy a glass of wine, or a cocktail here & there - check the alcohol policy on the cruise line.  Some lines let you bring your own alcohol (usually just wine) in your carry on.

Oh, and WATER!!  Order water to your cabin BEFORE you leave for your cruise.  Many cruises have all the free soft drinks you want - but water is $$.  If you pre-order your water to your cabin, it's cheaper.  There is usually someone coming around when you get on board to take orders, but really who wants to be bothered with more paperwork...

If you can get a cabin with a veranda - DO IT!!  There is nothing like watching the ocean any time you please.  Yeah, it's more expensive - but heck - you've already thrown down a mint for the cruise anyway - what's a few extra bucks!  You only live once!

We are planning to set sail once again & I'm ready!

Caribbean, massages on the beach, sun, sand & being waited on hand and foot...  I can't wait!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Becoming like a little child...

I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  ~Matthew 18:3

I feel like I've got the "like little children" part down pat, but I'm sure that's not what He meant.  Darn!

It's hard to be good.  Really, really hard!  I've been jaded for sure in this little life of mine, just like everyone else.  Somehow, in some way - life has scarred you.  Maybe it's put your guard up, maybe it's just made you a little more cautious - but somehow jaded.

I always say that I love the little kids, and I really mean it.  Some days I've had more than my fill of children - but many times, I'd rather just sit on the floor with them and hear what they have to say.  How they see things.  It really is quite amazing how differently we see things than they do.  Such a shame, really.  For the most part, kids see the beauty in most everything.  Even in people.  They could look right through someone who looks totally unapproachable and see the "beautiful mess" they really are.  I love that!

Bill Cosby used to have a skit where someone told him they loved kids because they were so honest & he would say honest, are you kidding me, they lie about everything!  As a mom, I totally get both sides of that particular coin - but children do have that tactless way of calling 'em as they see them (ya know, sort of like me, lol).  I think that's the innocence they were referring to.  Oh yeah - they'll totally lie about who ate the chocolate cake - but ask them if your butt is fat & expect a big fat YES without any hesitation! 

How can you not love that to some degree?

As an "adult" person (in my case, a 10 year old trapped in an adult's body) I have no patience for the fake, materialistic, self consumed people.  Kids - well they're totally self consumed, but when they're pretending to be something they're not - it's usually a princess or a super hero.  That same little kid will come up to you and ask you why you always look scared or surprised...  Go ahead and explain Botox, lol...  they don't get it.  Why isn't mommy's lipstick enough??  You can even wear it as eyeshadow if you want to!  lol

I guess it's all the drama I see going on that has been getting to me.  All of these adult people mistreating others & kicking people while they're down.

It makes me want to rewind the clock of time to when I have no idea what the big people are really talking about.  To have back that childlike innocence where everything is beautiful.  When you see another little kid & just want to play without thinking about how they look.  Chasing butterflies & playing on the swings.  Summer lasted forever & my daddy was my hero.

What's so bad about becoming like a little child??

Isn't that the golden ticket anyway...

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

How to not fall in love, by the one of the biggest mushes on the planet...

Well this is a subject that I truly know nothing about, because I just love, love, love....

I'm great at dispensing the advice of what to's and what not to do's, but when it comes to me - I fall sadly shy of my own advice.  I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing.  For sure it hurts from time to time - because my skin has never toughened up.

I'm not talking strictly romantic love.  I'm talking about all love.

I was having several conversations with someone who shall remain nameless :o) about relationships and holding back from jumping all in & playing a little "hard to get".  Firstly, I've never, ever been able to get that skill correct myself - but it certainly looks good on paper.  I also said - let him sweat it, don't call him.  Another I never quite got right.  I also said that if he is the right one, he'll come to you.  Ok - well that's just enough, because the heart wants what the heart wants!  So how do you stop that?  How do you NOT reach out and grab love when it seems to be right there?  Or when you want it so badly...

I know I'm blessed.  I have a wonderful husband, a great family & extended family, great kids & wonderful friends.  I really couldn't ask for more and I still put my heart out there every single day.

I know for certain, with this chickadee in our house, I will have my heart broken.  One day she will leave our home & she may go into a situation that I'm uncomfortable with.  I pray every day that doesn't happen, but I love her anyway.  She's ours, even if it's just for now.

I continue to carry much love around in my heart, old & new - and I can honestly tell you that I have and will continue to have my heart hurt by love - but that will never stop me.

Love is for you as much as it is for the other person.

Even knowing that heartbreak is just around the corner - I truly believe that it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all....

So how do you not fall in love??  I have no idea - did you not read??  I'm the biggest mush on the planet :)

Have a wonderful day full of much love!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Monday, September 19, 2011

When you're wrong, you're wrong....

I always say that I'm a work in progress, and I'll admit - I messed up.  (again)

I'm feeling pretty badly about how I treated someone that I don't know very well.

If you know me, you know that I'm basically overly friendly and love everyone.  It takes a lot to make me not like you, BUT if I don't know you and you push the wrong buttons - all bets are off.

Well, that's just what happened.  I was screamed at and spoken to in an incredibly rude manner by someone I don't know at all, to the point where I turned around and walked away while she was yelling at me because I could feel my blood boiling.  Mind you - I did nothing to deserve this - so that was even worse.  That was the point I said... (Well, I won't say what I said, but I'm sure you could guess.)

That was it for me.  As far as I was concerned there was nothing good about this person.  She was no one I wanted to deal with any more than I needed to.  I was cordial, but not at all friendly or nice in any way.  This feeling, of course, colored every single other judgement about this person & other people's opinions (true or not) fully fueled my tank.

After another friend decided to approach her (with other issues) without much luck, I decided to approach her in a way that I was taught when I worked for Andy.  If you have something to say - that needs to be heard, you write a careful letter.  "Fix their hair, punch them in the face & then fix their hair again."  Translation:  Find anything you can that is nice to say - even if it's just nice shirt - ANYTHING.  Get your point out there while their feathers are fluffed & then end it nicely to keep it positive.  It was NOT easy!

My result was a very good one.  Not only did I get a very nice and appropriate reply.  I got the beginning of a resolution to my part (and hopefully all parts) in the issue at hand.  I also learned that she's not so bad.  She's actually sort of, well very nice.  She's a little much in some ways - but basically a sweet person & maybe a little intimidated by our very strong group of mommies.

Did she handle me correctly initially - nope, not at all - but that's where forgiveness comes into play.

It's real easy to fall into the whole judgment & blame game.  Yes, once again I did cartwheels along that "line".

Ok - so I was wrong, there - I said it!

I'm truly sorry for, and ashamed of my actions.  I hope that my lesson will serve as a lesson to someone else.
Sometimes there's just more to the story.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Chosing my friends carefully...

I know I always say this, but I love, love, love my friends!!

I really and truly do!  I have such an amazing group of friends.  I really couldn't ask for more!

Once upon a time, I would call just anyone my "friend" and my former boss & mentor, Andy, told me - these people are not all your friends.  Some people are just acquaintances.  Friendship is earned.

At the time, I was horrified.  Being my father's daughter - I just loved everyone and as far as I was concerned - the feeling was always mutual.

Andy was, of course, right.  And being the naive human, with a sensitive heart that I am, I've had my heart broken many times by people I trusted and called friend.

Funny how life lessons jade you.  Sadly, not everyone is open, kind and trust worthy.

Through the years, I've cut some surprising people from my life, because they've abused my trust or taken advantage of me or my kindness in some way.

I've learned to make better choices and take the time to find my "comfort zone" in picking the people I officially call friend.

Most of the people I have in my life I've had for a very long time.  Some forever friends, some re-kindled friendships from the past & amazing new friends.  I can honestly say - these people are FRIENDS whom I TRUST, and could not live with out!

It's all about TRUST, in every relationship.  If you can't trust the people you call friend, then they don't deserve to be called friend.

So to my true friends in this life, you know who you are - Thank you for always supporting me!  I love you!!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Monday, September 12, 2011

Aging, kicking and screaming all the way...

At this writing, I'm exactly 10 days from sliding down the middle of my imaginary teeter totter of life & beginning my rapid descent toward the next decade of my life...

I don't like it!  Not even a little bit, not even at all!  I guess that 46 is a prettier number than 45, but yuck!  What happened to 26?  Or 36?  I blinked!

Mostly, I've taken the aging process gracefully.  I like things simple, so I've never delved into the whole Botox, plastic surgery bit that seems so popular.  I'm not into all of that.  I'm me, love me as I am or not at all.

I do believe that I have entered mid-life crisis mode.  I am not always loving what is looking back at me in the mirror and feeling a bit ho hum. Who the heck is that older chick looking back at me?  The hot little 30-something now looks frumpty dumpty to me.  Boo!

Don't get me wrong, as appealing as it may sound to rewind the hands of time & redo the things I've done, knowing what I know now...  I'd still take back my old choices - because I'm quite sure I'd just make different mistakes that may not lead me to where I am today.  Today is good!

20's no thanks - for sure!  Reckless & wild - that was me.  30's a little better, but not quite there.

Now, in my 40's - I've accepted that this is who I am.  I'm ok with me.  Vanity surely kicks me when I'm down, but I know that I'm special and unique.  (Just like everyone else, lol)

My kids are getting bigger by the second - I'm getting older and greyer, but I'm me.

Working on telling Mrs. Frumpty Dumpty to relax and embrace the coming years and find a new "hot".

Yep, youth is truly wasted on the young.  I may be kicking and screaming all the way down my teeter totter, but I'm looking forward to the next phase of my life.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Reflecting back to September 11, 2001

It's one of those times in history where you remember exactly where you were, what you were doing...

I was working at Arrow Group Industries at the time.  At around 9 am our mail guy, Gene, came over to my desk and said - "Hey, did you hear that a plane just crashed into one of the towers at the World Trade Center?"  I tried to pull the news up on my computer & then it came over the radio that another plane had crashed into the second tower.  A half an hour later, another plane hit the Pentagon - then the crash in Pennsylvania.  I can remember people in the office frantically calling friends and family to be sure they were safe.  The office was very somber and chaotic at the same time - no work got done.  Everyone had the news up on their computers - the radio in the office got louder & we all sat there just listening.  I reflected back to the Trade Center bombing in 1993 - and now those same towers were gone.  It was all so surreal.

I wonder if this is how it felt to folks back when J.F.K. was shot.

It seemed like the world stopped.  I can remember feeling so scared.  My (step) dad was home (he lived with us) I wanted to get to him because he was sick, I wanted to get Kyle from school & I wanted Wag to be home.  I wanted to be safe in my little cocoon with my family.  We were living in the apartment across the street from Big John's at the time.  I remember us all on the sectional in front of the TV just watching the horror show over and over in disbelief.

It's hard to believe that was 10 years ago already.

On this 10th anniversary, please remember those who lost their lives.  Not only the first victims - but all of the first responders who selflessly put their own lives on the line to rescue others.  All of the random heroes who just went in to help whoever they could just because, and please always remember our United States service people who risk their lives every day defending OUR freedom!

God Bless America!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Hanging out the "Red Cord"

I have never, ever claimed to be perfect.  Nor will I ever...

While I appreciate of the kind words people have to say on how I currently live my life, I am quite sure that some people who knew me at other random times in my life may not think of me as fondly.  I am a markedly different person than I was 30, 20 or even 10 years ago.  Thank God.

I've never been all bad - but like everyone else, I have things that I'm not proud of.  I'm a continual work in progress.

A few years back, when I had my "girls group" with my original "Chickadees" (you know who you are & I love you!) We read a book called "Bad Girls of the Bible".  I will always remember the story of Rahab.  No, no, I have never been a "red light district" kind of girl, but her story is one that I could relate to.  She was definitely not a good girl, she was a non-Israelite prostitute.  Yet she went on faith, put her life on the line by lying to the King's men, hiding Joshua's spies (Israelites) and helped them escape down the wall to freedom via her red cord.  All this Rahab did in exchange for the spies' promise to spare her and her family when Israel attacked Jericho (the Promised Land).  But she had to leave that red cord out for all to see, or no deal.

Reveal herself in order to be safe.

We all have a past.  Everyone has something we would rather not have people know.  Imagine that the only way you could keep yourself and your family safe was to reveal to the world something within that you aren't proud of?  Would you?  Could you?  Imagine all the "talk" that would come about.  How scary!

Things like this really stick with me.  Especially when dealing with people.  Imagine that someone would judge you by the worst mistake you ever made - FOREVER.  That would totally suck!  We are all here together for a short time.  People are people.  Who the heck are any of us to look down our noses at another?

Life is funny.  You could be at the top of the world one day, and then at the bottom rung of the ladder the next.

I write this as I think of my friends who have been ravaged by the hurricane & now we've had what will be a full week of heavy rain.  The same people who have lost everything twice already this year by freak storms, yet I see people judging online saying how "stupid" they are to have bought in a flood zone.  How sad.

I know for sure I wouldn't want someone to judge me forever by my past mistakes, or even praise me for the good I try to do now.  I am human - just like everyone else, and so are you!

Someone you know, or may not like may need help.

Are you going to sit in your tower of judgement, or hang out your Red Cord to let them climb down to safety?

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I Dream of Jeannie's Bottle...

My girlfriends and I joke about how married couples should have separate bedrooms.

No one's lost that lovin' feeling - we just want to sleep!

If you're newly married - or you haven't been married yet, this may sound just awful, but some women (or men) are reading this thinking wow - what a great idea.

Think about it!

Men could have their man cave and we women could have our pretty, pretty room.  There would would also be the conjugal visit room for attempted overnights & potential kid nightmares.

Personally, my husband snores LOUDLY, every night, in my face.  Yayy me.  I nudge him, I push him, I try to roll him - but nope - louder than a freight train.

In my pretty, pretty room - the walls would be sound proof!  Think "I Dream of Jeannie" (Thank you, Donna) - Big fluffy pillows, lots and lots of big fluffy pillows, pretty drapes, plush carpeting & a comfy corner chair next to a big bay window.  Ahhhh... and nice & clean with no man hairs or dirty socks strewn about.

It's Ok - my husband can have his own special room too with a big 42" plasma screen TV & whatever else he needs to do his "man things".  I don't ever need to go in there.  He could put his things wherever he wants.  I won't care about the socks all over the place or that all of his dirty clothes would be on the floor NEXT TO the hamper.  He can even snore as loud as he wants - whenever he wants.  Heck, I can't hear it - my walls are soundproof!!

It's Ok, he can come visit my room.  He just can't stay.  He will need to go back to his own room.  (Don't forget, there's still the conjugal visit room.)

Don't roll your eyes & pretend this doesn't sound good.

Really, I do like sleeping in the bed with my husband, but there are some nights I'd really just like to sleep.  I know he feels the same on nights when I have insomnia & I'm tossing, turning and constantly getting out of bed keeping him awake.

Ah yes, my Jeannie Bottle - it all sounds so wonderful - but POOF - reality...  My hubby will snore.  I will toss and turn and we'll both roll over in the morning exhausted - still happy to see the other's face.

Time to plod on, yawning through another day.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Back to school....

Ahhhhhhh, the first day of school for the kiddies!

I know plenty of other parents like me are doing their little happy dances this morning. 

Not that we don't love and enjoy the company of our children, if you're like me - by around the first week of August - the enjoyment level has more than surpassed expectancy.  They're bored, I can't entertain them & the house has gotten incredibly small.  So has outside, for that matter.

Camp ended August 19th leaving me two full weeks to work AND keep kids occupied and entertained.

I'm ready!  Come onnnnnn school bus, homework & daily routine.  I'm ready!  Mommy has been up and at 'em since 5 am!  Worked out, showered, caffeinated, dressed, lunches packed - another half hour to myself before the kiddies get up and back into their morning routines. 

Can you see the happy dance??

Kids, enjoy your first day back.  Have fun, be good!  Parents, ditto!!  :)


Thank you for reading my blog!

Enjoy your day!

~Jenn

Monday, September 5, 2011

Countdown to first day of school!

Morning is NOT the best time for me!

I need my quiet time to worship (my cup of coffee), shake the cobwebs out & just get it together.  This is an actual "real time" blog - not a pre-written blog.  So if you'll please excuse my wanderings - I'm not quite awake and caffeinated yet.

I am incredibly thankful, at the moment, for my Ipod (thank you Kyle), the Disney Channel & a quiet little chickadee.

Since it's the last day of a holiday weekend (that has now brought me pain with the incoming weather, thank you again, Mother Nature) I'm taking full advantage of just relaxing today.  I've spent most of the weekend running with CeCe's cheer schedule & delivering for play dates - getting stuff done around here & getting the kids ready for school on Tuesday.  Yayyyy!!

I love the kids.  I really, really do, but come August 1st - I'm very ready for them to just go back to school.  Only problem is that school starts in SEPTEMBER!

They're done with everything.  Nothing is fun anymore.  They don't want to be in the pool, the trampoline isn't so attractive anymore & I am barraged with the never ending "I'm borrrreeedddd's"  One play date is over and five seconds later they're dialing up for another.

As an aside, I still can't get over the whole "play date" thing.  When I was little I just went out and played - there was no "play date" it was go knock on doors until someone was available to play with.  If not, bummer...  I still had little brothers.  But I digress.

Our little chickadee is very much the morning person.  She's always "ON" full speed ahead!  Like a pin ball going for high score "bing bing bing bing bing..."  Saturday I was awoken by, "It's 7 o'clock.  It's 7 o'clock. Miss Jenn, it's 7 o'clock, wake up.  Why is everyone still sleeping?  It's 7 o'clock."  The only thing I could muster the energy up to say is "IT'S SATURDAY."  The evil thought of going into her room at midnight to "say it's midnight, it's midnight, why are you still sleeping, it's midnight" did enter my mind - but I well know that only serves to backfire on me.  So I suck it up and deal with it.  Fortunately, she is a really good girl and a really good listener.  I awoke on my own to her playing with her dolls nicely in the living room.

I know some of you folks reading already have your kids back to school.  Some of you in other countries don't share United State's Labor Day holiday.  Visualize, if you will - all the mommies (and daddies) doing the happy dance - because tomorrow is the big day!!

BACK TO SCHOOL!!

Thank you for reading my blog

~Jenn

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Hurricane Irene in New Jersey - a week later

Looking back at my prior post on Hurricane Irene, I'm feeling pretty badly about my pre-hurricane post.

No one could have predicted how bad it was going to be for the inland folks here in Jersey.

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=o.90119719152&type=1

Fortunately, the rivers have now receded & the flood waters are gone in most areas, but the destruction up and down the highway, not even a mile away from where I work is just awful.

Power is still out in many areas & emergency response is up and down the highway in several surrounding areas.  This doesn't even begin to call to mind the areas in South and Central New Jersey.

Currently being a PSE&G "widow", I can tell you that the utility companies are working their butts off to get things back up and running.  They are overwhelmed - genuinely.  Please hang in there.

I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to have been spared the devastation that so many of my fellow Jersey (and upstate New York) friends and neighbors have suffered.

This post is for all of you.

If you are out of state & know someone from Jersey who may have been affected, please check in with them.  Jersey Pride runs tough, so even if they say everything is just fine (and you know they were flooded) you may want to help out in some way anyway.

If anyone that I know needs help with clean up, or anything at all - please let me know.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Friday, September 2, 2011

Stevie Nicks Concert - PNC Bank September 1, 2011

First let me say, that THIS may have been one of the best concerts I've ever seen!

I love Stevie Nicks & she has always been my all time favorite, but I've been to A LOT of concerts!

At age 63 years old, this woman totally rocks it out - and with such style & grace.  She is genuinely appreciative of her entire band and her fans / the audience.

I loved her interaction and her energy!  She is so genuine.

I bought the new CD (I was about so say album, lol) "In Your Dreams" on pre-order.  While I loved a few of the songs (Secret Love, For What it's Worth, Annabelle Lee), I was only feeling 'eh on some of the others.  Then she played them live.
Stevie's Soldier's Angel was absolutely amazing live.  I wasn't previously a fan of this particular song.
Check out the song:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-n66HIh_W4 
What makes it better is her personal experience and story of what inspired her to write this song.  You can't get that just from listening to the CD.

She mostly played the new stuff to promote her album, but she played our fav's like Gold Dust Woman, Rhiannon, Leather & Lace (with her vocal coach).  I can't even begin to say how amazing it was.

As someone who writes, I appreciate an entertainer who pours her heart out on "paper" & brings it to life.  She really was just incredible!

And what a cast of characters at the concert.  Holy cow!  I thought people watching at Washington Square Park in Greenwich Village, NYC was bizarre.  This concert was a close second, and I do believe I was a youngin' last night!

There were much younger girlies there as well.  While waiting on line for the ladies room (because you know there's ALWAYS a line for the ladies room) I hear this little 20 something, when she sees a picture of Lindsey Buckingham, say, "Oh he's the one who wrote ALL the songs Stevie Nicks & Fleetwood Mac sing."  Really?  All the songs??  What are you, 12??  I kept my mouth shut!  (yes, mark your calendars - it happened!)

What a fun concert, and for the first time in a very long time - I smelled that certain aroma wafting through the air.  You don't smell that at Jonas Brother's concerts with 9 year old little girls.

If you're a fan, check out Stevie's new album - ugh, I mean CD.  "In Your Dreams"

I personally give it a 2 thumbs up :)

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

PS.  Happy Birthday September 1st to my Lynne!!  Love ya girlie!!

My List of "Non Negotiables" in Selecting My Partner...

Despite the relationship decisions I've made in my past, I've always known exactly what I wanted in a man.  Twice I've found what I wanted, once I made it count.

Every once in a while I watch that Millionaire Matchmaker show.  Her philosophy is that you need to have your "5 non-negotiables" when selecting a "mate."

These should be the things that you know you want in a partner and won't bend on.  Settling only leads to the same dead ends.  Agreed!

My list was:

Someone who is or was in the military.  Navy preferred, but any branch will do.
Someone who had a strong sense of family.

Someone who was kind and loving, fun & a little goofy.
Eeek, Not Him!
 
Someone who wanted kids.
(preferably lots of them)

Someone who loved God & went to church.

Someone who is honest.



Someone who would let me be me & still be able to keep me in line (very important)
      I'd clearly negotiated my list in the past.

      I know for sure that compromising on my "non-negotiables" in the past was the reason I ended up in such a bad place.  I made poor decisions.

      Lessons, I now call them.

      I hope I am able to teach my daughter to learn from my mistakes - whoops, I mean lessons & also learn what it took me a long time to figure out...

      Don't try to make things happen, let them happen.  (Still working on this one.)

      For the longest time I sold myself short.

      Don't settle.  You are special and unique and there is someone especially for you.

      Stick to your list. 

      The darnedest things happen when you're not looking.

      I know God had His own perfect plan for me & I'm pretty sure He knows way better than I do.

      I needed to have all my "lessons" to be where I am now.

      I am still working on the "His time, not mine."

      I'm a perpetual work in progress.

      Live your life with no regrets.  Embrace your "lessons" and LEARN FROM THEM!  Always remember that you ARE special - and totally worth it!

      I could have done things differently, sure - but then I wouldn't be so darn smart now, would I??   :)

      Thank you so very much for reading my blog!

      ~Jenn

      Thursday, September 1, 2011

      Common Ground

      We've been foster parents for a good few years now.

      Many little girls have come through.  Every one of them has left a different imprint on my heart for different reasons.  I've given up on the whole band aid theory.  I'm a mush.  I love from the top of my heads to the tip of my toes.  I don't bond with every single kid - a few of them I couldn't wait to leave.  It just happens that way.

      This little chickadee - yet another I've sworn not to get attached to, has wormed her little way into my heart in less than a month's time.

      Not only is she just the cutest, sweetest little thing - but she and I share common ground.

      I always try to avoid using this as a forum to bash anyone, so I'll just say that my childhood was not stellar.  I longed for the love and attention of my mother - who only wanted sons.  Yes, I did have not only one, but two amazing dads, but it's just not the same as a mom.

      This is where common ground kicked in.

      One morning while I was driving her to daycare, she just started talking to me telling me how she wants to live with us forever.  No kid ever says that - no matter how bad their parent is.  That statement alone made me feel sad for her.  Of course, I tried to explain to her that she was just staying with me for a while and her mommy loves her.  At that she promptly said, "no she doesn't Miss Jenn".  My heart broke again.  She looked at me with her beautiful little eyes and said, "My mommy just wants me to stay away. from her."  I instantly knew how she felt.  My heart broke again & I felt as if I were five years old again and craving my mommy's attention.

      Most women know how strong the bond should be between mother and daughter.  Daughters look to mom for all the things they should know.  When there's no where to look, you feel incomplete.

      I flashed back through so many times I was "alone" - times in my life where I wish I had a mother who truly loved me to share things with me.  The birth of my daughter, when I was sick, when my brother died.  I won't elaborate, but I knew - I know this little girl's heart.  I know her pain.

      I reached back with tears in my eyes & grabbed her little hand and promised her I will do all I am able for her.  It kills me that is the best promise I can make when I really just want to keep her safe, forever - just like she wants.

      My daughter, many times, thinks that I am too tough on her - but she has no doubt how much  I love her.  In that alone, without anything else, I've accomplished so much more than I'd felt at her age.  I will teach her all I know - how to be strong and independent.  To have faith & know she's good.  To love with everything inside of her & how to love her own daughter like I love her.  I already know she's learning, because the compassion I see in my daughter for this little girl, and the ones before her, makes me so proud.

      I do truly hope and pray that I am able to give this little girl what she needs for as long as she's here.  I hope all the times I tell her how smart she is, how beautiful she is, how good she is sticks in her brain and she knows she is good & worth it all.  I hope this time with us / with me gives her some of what I've always craved.  I also pray that her momma learns to give her hugs like I do & let her feel special and know she's worth it, and if she can't or won't - let someone else who will!.

      I also pray that my own little girl will always look to her momma and always know - My momma loves me.

      I wish you all the same!

      Thank you for reading my blog!

      ~Jenn