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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Blended families....Not for the weak hearted

I am the product of, and have my very own blended family....

If this term is unfamiliar to you, a blended family is one where two families come together as one.  Whatever the circumstances may be.  (Think Brady Bunch)

When I was growing up, my parents divorced and my mother married my (step) dad, who was also divorced with kids.  We didn't all live in the same house & on weekends there was a kid shift.  I & my brothers to dad's my step-sibs to my house to visit their dad.

When I was growing up, I was not fond of my "steps".  I got along well with my step brother, but sometimes resented all the "extras" he seemed to get.  My step sister wasn't around much, and when she was - I usually wasn't.  I went to my dad's on weekends as well.

Confused yet?

I was always confused.  None of that was easy, for anyone.

My step dad wasn't my daddy.  He was my mother's husband & in my youth, I resented his absolute being.  I hated him telling me what to do, where to be, when to be home & even that he breathed the same air I did.  I did not make life easy for anyone and vice versa.  This, of course, changed as I grew older & matured.  Many years prior to his death, he and I became very close.  I miss him now - but during my childhood - the situation was just awful.

I now have my very own blended family.  In my case, I was married previously and have a son from that marriage & well, that didn't work out very well.  A few years later, I met my husband, we got  married and we had our daughter.... At first, things went along wonderfully.  Kyle & hubby got along great. Everything was wonderful - the birds were singing, the flowers were blooming, love, love, love.

THEN - my son started maturing.... The testosterone surge came through & suddenly it became a power struggle.  (pay back's a bitch)  My little boy started becoming a young man & resented my husband.  Hated him actually.  All this mere months after his little sister was born.

I've got to give it to my husband.  He's put up with more crap than I ever would have!  It was NOT an easy 7+ years of Kyle going through his stuff!  (it wasn't all bad)  They yelled, they fought - sometimes Kyle was right, sometimes my husband was right- and I was always stuck in the middle.  Nothing I ever said was right.  No one was happy.  It was a constant struggle.

My little baby girl was the princess & could do no wrong in daddy's eyes.  Though I could clearly see when she was being a little turkey - her daddy only saw rays of sunshine beaming from her entire being.  She picked up on this immediately and used it to her advantage.  Kyle would walk past her & she'd start screaming & crying.  Kyle would get in trouble.  As mommy to BOTH of the children - I was totally impartial...  Hubby, not so much.

So what's the answer?  There isn't one.  It would be fabulous if everyone were able to marry their forever person on the first shot - not as easy as it sounds!  For sure that would make things easier & eliminate the whole blended family thing.

It's not always awful and uncomfortable, but it sure is work.  Someone's feelings are always being hurt - someone's always having issues.  It's a job!

I am lucky to have a strong man.  Like I said, I couldn't have put up with a quarter of the crap he's dealt with.  My son is my life, but he's never been easy & he knows it!  He's definitely earned me my mommy stripes & then some.

It's hard for me knowing the resentment between my husband & my son.  This was definitely not what I had in mind when I started out in my relationship with my husband.  I do hope that when my son grows up & matures - he will also see that his step-dad did have his best interest at heart.  He did love him & did think of him as his son.  For now, it is what it is....

I'm just thankful we've all come through so much & continue to roll forward.....

Thank you for reading my blog!



  1. That has got to be hard on you.. stuck in the middle. My stress level would be off the hook. Not to mention ulcers! I'm sure your son will mature and see how much your husband cares for him and only wants the best. Good luck!

  2. Thank you Jenn for sharing. I also grew up in a blended family. 5 sisters and a brother and we all have different moms or dads. It wasn't always easy for us or our parents growing up but now that my siblings and i are grown up we are able to look past the hard times and all the trouble and are able to look at each other and our parents fondly(most of the time. Being a teenager is hard, I'm sure your boy will come around.

  3. In this day and age, it should be completely "normal" but it's definitely still an adjustment for everyone. <3 Thinking happy thoughts for peace for your familia. :)


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