Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Blended families....Not for the weak hearted
I am the product of, and have my very own blended family....
If this term is unfamiliar to you, a blended family is one where two families come together as one. Whatever the circumstances may be. (Think Brady Bunch)
When I was growing up, my parents divorced and my mother married my (step) dad, who was also divorced with kids. We didn't all live in the same house & on weekends there was a kid shift. I & my brothers to dad's my step-sibs to my house to visit their dad.
When I was growing up, I was not fond of my "steps". I got along well with my step brother, but sometimes resented all the "extras" he seemed to get. My step sister wasn't around much, and when she was - I usually wasn't. I went to my dad's on weekends as well.
I was always confused. None of that was easy, for anyone.
I now have my very own blended family. In my case, I was married previously and have a son from that marriage & well, that didn't work out very well. A few years later, I met my husband, we got married and we had our daughter.... At first, things went along wonderfully. Kyle & hubby got along great. Everything was wonderful - the birds were singing, the flowers were blooming, love, love, love.
THEN - my son started maturing.... The testosterone surge came through & suddenly it became a power struggle. (pay back's a bitch) My little boy started becoming a young man & resented my husband. Hated him actually. All this mere months after his little sister was born.
I've got to give it to my husband. He's put up with more crap than I ever would have! It was NOT an easy 7+ years of Kyle going through his stuff! (it wasn't all bad) They yelled, they fought - sometimes Kyle was right, sometimes my husband was right- and I was always stuck in the middle. Nothing I ever said was right. No one was happy. It was a constant struggle.
My little baby girl was the princess & could do no wrong in daddy's eyes. Though I could clearly see when she was being a little turkey - her daddy only saw rays of sunshine beaming from her entire being. She picked up on this immediately and used it to her advantage. Kyle would walk past her & she'd start screaming & crying. Kyle would get in trouble. As mommy to BOTH of the children - I was totally impartial... Hubby, not so much.
So what's the answer? There isn't one. It would be fabulous if everyone were able to marry their forever person on the first shot - not as easy as it sounds! For sure that would make things easier & eliminate the whole blended family thing.
It's not always awful and uncomfortable, but it sure is work. Someone's feelings are always being hurt - someone's always having issues. It's a job!
I am lucky to have a strong man. Like I said, I couldn't have put up with a quarter of the crap he's dealt with. My son is my life, but he's never been easy & he knows it! He's definitely earned me my mommy stripes & then some.
It's hard for me knowing the resentment between my husband & my son. This was definitely not what I had in mind when I started out in my relationship with my husband. I do hope that when my son grows up & matures - he will also see that his step-dad did have his best interest at heart. He did love him & did think of him as his son. For now, it is what it is....
I'm just thankful we've all come through so much & continue to roll forward.....
Thank you for reading my blog!