Clearing your plate, Saying Thank You and Letting Go....

Sometimes you really do need to hit rock bottom to appreciate the things you've been given in this life.

Fortunately, for me - I don't think I've ever really been at total rock bottom. 

I'm a survivor & I will fight tooth and nail to get what I need to get & be where I need to be before I totally crash and burn.

There was a time, well actually a few times, in my life where I felt like I was about as low as I could be.  Just different things - death, love loss, whatever.  Some of it silly stuff, and other - some really substantial stuff.

Things that put me in a place where I pondered life & wondered if it would ever get better.

If I really did deserve more, or if this is all there was.

Now - you'd never know I was ever that person.  You may never have known I was that person.

Partially because I hide the crap in my life behind a big ol smile & try to just have fun.  Not spoil the party for everyone else.. Ah yes, the perpetual martyr.

During these times, I'd made some really poor decisions & created more problems for myself.  Some I was able to overcome and let go of right away - others just took more time, more undoing & a re-start.

Lately, I've been "clearing my plate".

Don't get me wrong, I'm in a really great place in my life and incredibly happy.  I just have all this extra 'stuff' that I've been carrying around that was bringing me down emotionally.

Controlling me in ways I didn't particularly like.

I've also been able to reflect on the people who were instrumental in my life.  Those I didn't give proper kudos to or appreciate in the moment.  Say thank you where I need to & let those folks know how much they mean to me.  Others, I laid my 'woes' out on the line.  Some debated.  Some ignored.  Some dealt with it.  Some cared, some didn't.

Doesn't matter - it's done.

Friends, don't worry - I'm good!  I'm actually REALLY good right now!  Sometimes making peace is really all you ever need.  Even if that peace is just with your conscience.

I consistently preach on how secrets, lies, jealousy, anger & hate will always hurt you more than the other person.  Ain't that the truth!

Put it all out there & say here - this is what's on my mind.  This is how I feel and let it go.

The other person may not like it, but if they're meant to be in your life - no matter what you're relationship is - they'll accept you and continue to be in your life.  If not, oh well.

I've cleared my plate with some VERY substantial people in my life.

It was difficult for me, because I never want to hurt anyone or be disrespectful.

Sometimes things just need to be said.  They may not even care - but why keep bandaging a wound that never heals.

Get it out there.  Say thank you & let it go....

Clear your plate & be happy!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Beauty is only skin deep

One thing that I take pride in about myself is that I've always been able to look past the exterior of a person and see their heart.

In a society that's all about beauty and fashion, the bigger better deal - that's not easy to come by.  I was once told by someone (and if you're reading this, yes - I'm calling you out) that he was superficial.  He flat out told me that that when I was 40, he'd trade me for two 20 year olds.  Well Ok then...

Personally, I feel that I've blown up like a wood tick since I got sick - but once upon a time - I was a tiny little size 1 with six pack abs. That's right, I was a pretty hot little chickie.  The only problem is that was all the guys saw.  No one really saw my heart - or cared to, so aside they went.
That was really sad to me - because I am a really kind and loving woman with a huge heart.  I never wanted to be the little trophy.  I wanted someone to love me for me.
I'm also pretty smart.  I had to play that down A LOT in business, where in walked the tiny little blonde & no one cared what I had to say.  I didn't like that much.
Ok - fine - I'm not going to lie - it did open quite a few doors for me without having to try so hard, but when it came down to the time for me to strut my stuff, I became frustrated because no one wanted to hear it.  Then I became a little bitch.  Oh and no one wants to hear that either, just by the way.

I was never the type of person to go looking straight for the 10.  They were entirely too much work, and I never wanted to be with a man prettier than me.  If it takes you 2 hours to get your hair done, see ya...I want a man who's a MAN!
I was raised, during my teen age years, primarily by my step dad.  Navy.  So that means we had a very regimented household.  Things happened in a certain way in a certain amount of time.  As a woman who has a husband, a Marine, waiting on her - it works to his benefit, because I can genuinely get up, showered, dressed, made up and out the door within a half hour.  No lie. So why the heck would I want to wait for some man to take 3 hours to primp??  Uh, no thanks.

I do get the fact that physical attraction is what brings people together initially.  Physical attraction has never been the thing to really get me.  It may catch me, but it seldom kept me.  I can remember being - I don't know - 20 maybe & I ran into this REALLY hot guy from high school - and when I say hot, I mean jaw dropping OMG hot.  He asked me out and we went out on one date.  Absolutely nothing between the ears - nothing.  I did hang out with him a few other times in a group to see if I was mistaken, but nope - nothing.  Not to say that all hot guys are dumb as a stump, but this one surely was.

So why are we not looking more deeply at a person?  Why do we not see the inner beauty of someone?  I don't get it.  I know some amazing men, single and not butt ugly either!  What the heck??  This, of course, goes both ways, I just currently have more single male friends than single female girlfriends.  I believe that if people would look more deeply, they could see what's real - instead of getting all caught up in the pretty packaging.

Not for nothing, but that tiny little ring box with the pretty wrapping & pretty bow could very well contain a big ol rock - and not the sparkly shiny one you were hoping for!  I use the ring box analogy, because I once got earrings in the small package - my heart was beating so fast, I thought oh my gosh, this is it & then earrings...He has since redeemed himself many times over, but to this day, I hate those earrings!  My point is - that you need to look beyond the outer package.

I met my husband online - back before it became the thing to do.  Total fluke, totally unexpected and not what I was looking for.  This meeting gave me the opportunity to know him (and fortunately he was NOT a closet ax murderer) and really enjoy the person he was before I met him in person. I got to peek inside the box and then get a look at the wrapper.  And even if he was butt ugly, which he is of course NOT - I still love the person he is.  I love his heart.  He is a wonderful an amazing man, who I am truly blessed to be with.

So quit looking at the pretty packaging.  Quit looking at the box & peek inside.  It's what's inside that will matter - not the pretty pretty packaging.

Beauty is only skin deep... in time, beauty fades & all you're left with is what's inside.  Is it a rock or a shining diamond?

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Baby Brother for Sale

Nah, I'll keep him!  After 40 years, I've grown pretty attached to him.

I'm sure at one point in time, when you were younger of course, you've plotted some sort of destruction against a sibling.  My baby brother was always the safe one.

My brother, Eric, on the other hand - I'd have given a way to the first taker.
Funny, because now - I'd go deep into debt just to have him back for 5 minutes.  I miss that big lug!

I was happily blessed to have my "baby brother" accompany me on my trip to Chicago, along with my best friend.  He actually  had no choice in the matter - I booked his stuff & said you're coming!  He needed to get away and I needed some time with my little brother.

Yes, he was tortured endlessly, just by being my little brother - poor thing.  Lynne remembers him being the tag-a-long little sib as well - and he was trapped between two women laughing like escapees from the asylum.  He really did a fabulous job hanging in there.  Especially when we stormed his hotel room at 8 am demanding he be awake.  Love you Darren!

Ok, so back to my baby brother.. look at him, isn't he cute?? 

And yes, that's me - the doting big sister.  Aren't we the picture of happy loving sibs??  You'd never know I tried to ditch him so many years ago when I wanted to hang out with my friends, sans little brother... Ah, but that wasn't his fault.  He was just a little kid too - and he was a real cutie back then.

So, about my brother - you wouldn't know by looking at him - but he is actually the drummer of what was a once an up and coming metal band - Ten Feet From Murder.  Lost Soul Video
Not usually my kinda music, but hey - I had to represent for the little bro.  Can I just tell you, my baby brother ROCKS IT! 

Here's a picture of him on stage at Starland Ballroom warming up for Testament.  Anyone remember Testament?  They sound the same, but you really need to just close your eyes and listen to them play - because seeing them in spandex now is not a mental picture you don't want to carry with you.  Trust me!

Darren is also a successful plumber with his own business.  And ladies, he's single & looking to mingle.

He's a sweet kid - oops, sorry, I mean man...  Can't get away from that one.  His picker is just off.  Nothing against the women he's dated in the past (well not all of them). Remember the post where I said the gears have to fit??  Well, he needs to re-adjust his "picker".  (Look, Darren - I said the right word this time, lol)

Everyone gets their turn in the barrel in my little blog once in a while.  Darren, it's your turn!

In all seriousness - this is my "baby brother" - and I love him as he lives and breathes, and would walk through fire for him.  I may tease the crap out of him still (what are big sisters for) but I would also do anything for him and he knows it.

Darren, it meant so much to me to have you there with me in Chicago!  We need more sib trips together!

Thanks for taking care of your big sis and being an awesome brother.

Thank you all for reading my blog and my little "internet love letter" to my baby bro.

Have a wonderful day!

~Jenn

Miscellaneous Ramblings of an Angry Little Lupie - Rant

I've been having issues again and YES, I'm incredibly cranky about it!

I know that I've got all this wonderful knowledge in my brain.  While I'm at work, it flows as if I'm on autopilot (thank God!).  Out of work I feel like a blubbering idiot!  I can't put two intelligent sentences together or get my thoughts out properly without sounding like an imbecile!

I've made an ass of myself in situations where I definitely did not want to, and I've beat myself up about it for days.  Now it just kinda annoys me because people don't know what I'm going through, what I'm trying to hide and how upset I get with myself when I can't present myself as I want to.

NO I don't want to be treated like a "sick person" and NO I don't look sick, which is both the beauty and the beast of Lupus.  People expect normal, you want to provide normal & you can only do as much as you can do.  So, no ya jackwad, I don't want to climb more stairs - I hurt!  Yeah, I know that was kinda strong, but that's how I feel.

See: Spoon Theory 

Oh, and I'm also forgetting - a lot.  More than a lot, actually.  It's more like all the time.  I'm run down and in bed by 8:30, maybe.  I've got headaches, body aches, random lock jaw & just whatever.  I know it's partially because I was rampantly misbehaved on my Chi-town trip, but I started my decline before I even left.

I'm not feeling fabulous about myself at the moment.  People outside of the "Lupie" realm have no  clue the embarrassment that goes along with the daily struggles.

Stay tuned for temper tantrum...because I am pissing and moaning and angry that I can't do the things I used to do - and I try.  I mentally psych myself up for things, plunge in head first & then find my self bobbling for air.  This sucks!

I try to act "normal" whatever that even is. I can't even hang with a good conversation anymore.  I have an intelligent thought - something to say, I start it & then it's gone.  Instead something ridiculous flows from my mouth.  Ugh!  I used to be able to have witty come backs, intelligent things to say - but my brain has clearly saved up all the good stuff for between working hours only.  I guess it could be worse.

Ever feel that way?  Even if you're not a "Lupie", I'm sure at one time you've hit a wall and said ya know what - enough ... I'm done with this crap, I've carried it around entirely too long - here ya go.  I'm done, it's yours now.  Done!

Ok, so I hit the doc again next week.
Oh what fresh hell will he have in store for me this time...  I don't know what's ahead.  I'm definitely not ready to pack it in.  I know that God's not done with me yet.  Especially since I've got some making up to do for bad behavior.   :)

So what...  What's next??  I have no clue.  I sure do appreciate you letting me rant on like a maniac.

Thanks for reading my angry little blog!  I promise to be nicer tomorrow :)

~Jenn

There's nothing better than girlie time!

Now that I've worked through the whole "Jenn Behaving Badly" thing, it's now time to flush my brain, let it all come out through my fingers into my blog & focus on the highlights of my weekend.

No offense to my brother, other friends or the prime reason for my trip, but I genuinely had the most fun on my trip to Chicago in the hotel room with Lynne.

She and I spent so much time talking and laughing, that I continually bust out laughing just thinking about it.

I've always known how important my girlfriends were, but I miss quality time.  It's so important and so hard to come by when you're on the kid/work/family schedule.  Lynne and I haven't had time like that together just laughing over complete ridiculousness in longer than I can even remember.  It was really nice & it was great to connect again on that level.  To just laugh over the silliest stuff and I'm giggling as I type this out.

Yes, we talk every day - multiple times a day and we've traveled together with our families - but this alone time was priceless, really.

If you're a guy reading this, I don't think you'd understand & I'm not sure I want to know the mental picture you've created.  Women, you get it...  We could sit around for hours talking & when asked what we were talking about - not come out with a single thing a man would understand.  I'm pretty sure we like it that way.

So cheers to my girlie!  Thank the good Lord for sandwich makers - even if there weren't any on that cheap ass plane!  xxoo

If you haven't had alone time away with your girls lately - GO!  We momma's need to get out and be who we are on a different level.  That place where there are no children and you don't necessarily need to hold your tongue or be on your best behavior.  Just cut a little loose & have a great time!

Personally, I need to do this more often so that I'm not like an escapee from the asylum.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Love me as I am, or not at all...

Really, just because I keep a smile on my face & continue to goof around doesn't mean that certain things don't annoy the ever living crap out of me!

Recently, I had several moments where I've had an opportunity to look at things with a big girl set of glasses on.  I generally don't adjust my behavior to suit anyone, well except kids.  I'm me, love me as I am or not or not at all - and I can also spot the non-lovers, lol.  It's Ok - I'm not everyone's cup of tea and it doesn't really matter all that much to me.  I have definitely learned to catch on to the personality clashes.  I catch a few comments here & there or recognize a brush off or two - yeah it pisses me off for a second, and I get annoyed - dismiss myself & then come back with a bigger smile and turn the "Jenn" up a little higher.  That's just me.  The goofball who's just there to have fun.

Don't get me wrong, just because I come back with a smile doesn't mean I'm cool or accepting of it - it just means I'm not letting it get to me.

I have learned a lot in this little life of mine - most of the time it's not everyone is going to look at me and just know all there is.  Those who stick around to know me - know who I am.  I'm not some dumb bunny, or a total party girl, or an emotional wreck - I'm actually a strong, successful, happy mommy, wife & friend.  You need or want something I've got - here you go, it's yours.  I'll do anything for anyone in a heart beat - and I love from the top of my heads to the tip of my toes - inside out.  If you've earned that love from me or just have it - if you can't handle it - that's your problem, not mine.

I always say - love is for everyone & it's good to have even if you're not going to use it.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Just away for a few days...

I'll be away from my computer for the next few days.

Wait, don't go away!!  Hang out a while - check around to other blog post.  Grab a cup of coffee, or glass of wine & stay awhile.

I hope you'll join my site & maybe "like" me on Facebook!!

Thank you for reading my blog!

I'll be back "live" on Monday!!

Have a great few days!!

~Jenn

I've been motivated by random intenet Cupids......

First of all, let me state loudly - that I truly believe Valentines Day to be a "Hallmark" holiday.

Sorry, single ladies and hopeless romantics.  That's just the way I feel.  If you only feel the love one day a year, wow - that's gotta suck!

I can feel the virtual barbs coming at me from all directions.  I've probably not always been so cynical, but I'm also very happily married now to a wonderful man who brings me flowers for no reason.  Every day is Valentines day.

So I've been scanning many of the blogs I read online & decided to go ahead and jump on the bandwagon.

Today, I will answer the long asked question, "How did you meet your husband?"

Rewind the clock to 1999...  And no, tonight we are not going to party.
This night - we are male bashing.  My girlfriend, Robin and I.  We are having a girlie, wine drinking, male bashing evening to be more specific.

Let me set the scenario....  I am going through an UGLY, UGLY divorce.  I'm lookin' pretty hot, since I've been on the nervous break down diet that goes along with ugly, ugly divorce & weigh about 110 lbs.  My son is visiting with the other party involved in his arrival to the planet & I am totally and completely dissatisfied with the dating scene. The one person I would have considered lived a million miles away.  I was almost duped by some married dude who pretended to be single & the singles market was just yuck.

Robin and I have had several glasses (mind you, a wine bottle is glass) of wine.  We were very giggly and decided, hey - let's go on AOL and find some loser to mess with.

Robin was very well versed in the whole AOL instant messaging thing.  I was an eager student.  She dialed up (yes, dial up) and searched the AOL online site.  "Gimme some criteria".... "Huh??"  "Criteria, gimme some criteria."  "What the hell are you talking about???"  "You know - a search word give me something"   "Um OK... September??"  I have no idea what the hell she's doing or talking about.  So she types, September...  Harley...  (that was all her).  Only person to pop up online....  My dearly beloved.  So we decided to mess with him.  I have to admit, he was an incredibly good sport - because we probably weren't all that nice, being half in the bag and all...  Personally, I'd have clicked out & blocked forever.

Anyway, night over...  Unbeknownst to me, Robin saved this random guy to my friend's list.

Now day #2 I'm logging onto AOL waiting, waiting... and there's an IM -- What the??

My brain went into rewind, uh oh....  I apologized & explained the situation.  Turns out, he was really kind of a nice guy.  Behind the computer anyway.  In real life he could have been a mass murderer.  After all, he was a scary, scary biker dude.  I kept him in my online friends list & chatted with him randomly.  We became "friends."

A few months later, I was again child free for the weekend.  My dear sweet child sent off, once again, to planet whatever for visitation...and I also had no girlies to hang out with.  So, online I went... And there he was - online too.

I'm pretty bold, so I said listen, I'm bored.  My friends are out, my son's not home - want to meet me for a drink?  He, of course agreed.  Did I mention I was incredibly hot back then?  lol

Considering I wasn't really sure if he was a mass murder or not - I was very careful about this scenario.  I chose the meeting place.  Someplace I knew I was safe, comfortable - and that if my mutilated body was found in the rest room - they would know who to contact.  I also brought my cell phone, my pager & had friends randomly show up to be sure I was safe.  All bases covered.  Oh, and one more thing - I was very clear that I DID NOT WANT A BOYFRIEND.  THIS WAS NOT A DATE.  THIS WAS JUST ME BEING BORED & NOT WANTING TO LOOK LIKE THE TOWN ALCOHOLIC WARMING A BAR STOOL!  GOT IT?

All terms agreed to.  No problem.

When I showed up, he was already there.  I was a nervous wreck, but he looked harmless enough.  We had a few drinks & talked - my pager went off, my phone rang with the "emergency phone call" which I didn't need & then my friends showed up to be sure all was well & all really was well!

We've been together ever since.

It just goes to show - ya never know!

So thank you, my Robbo for finding some "loser" who actually ended up being my "Jackpot".

I wish you all love and happiness, not just today - but EVERYDAY!!

Thank you for reading my blog!!

~Jenn

Spanglish in the ladies room....

As I've mentioned in the past, I've been tagged as being "overly friendly".

This carries forward - well, just about everywhere.  In the right circumstance - I will talk to just about anyone.

For the purposes of today's blog....  It was in NYC for my lovely friend, Carrie's birthday dinner - and I was speaking "Spanglish" to the bathroom attendant in a NYC restaurant.

I know this poor woman though that I was nuts.  No need to say so, the look in here eyes really said it all...  To clarify, I was not drinking this night.  Ok, I had one glass of wine later in the evening, with dinner - which makes it even funnier.

So here I am with all my friends, who had had a few glasses of the mighty red & headed off to the Ladies.  I, of course, decided that speaking to the bathroom attendant would be a fabulous idea - since I was waiting anyway.

She doesn't speak English??  Noooo problem -- my husband is Costa Rican - surely I can get by.  Yeah, not so much.  Why I think that I could speak Spanish via osmosis is never clear - but I always try....  Idiota!

I now know why our one client told me that my Spanish was even funnier than his English.

I know this poor woman couldn't wait for me to get the heck out of there.  I was clearly bothering her, but I threw a few verdes into her little basket to make my annoyance at least partially tolerable. (At least in my mind.)   Probably not, because when I walked back in - she had the look in her eyes like "oh crap, the gringa's back"  This time I was comfortable - not all of my girlies were with me and I had one glass of wine, so the words flowed much more nicely as I told her that... my wife was from Costa Rica & she wanted hand cream.  HA!  Yeah, go gringa!

Ok....  So as an afterthought...  The key phrases I will continue to go with at all times:

Donde esta el bano?
Yo quiero mas cerveza por favor.
Yo tengo hambre.
No, senor. No tengo cinco verdes para un foto
Donde esta la cama?
No Soy borracha!
No mas tequila.

Have I covered it all???  Well, if not - it will come to me, and I will say it wrong.  Even still, I will end up where I want to be with what I'm looking for, and someone fluent in the language will be rolling their eyes thinking - ugh, gringa.

No importa.

To the poor bathroom attendant:  Honestly, I was just trying to be kind and not treat you like the just bathroom attendant.  I know some people aren't very nice & I'm just some silly gringa.

To the rest of you, enjoy...  You never know what a small act of kindness will do for another person - or for you!

Have a great day & thank you for reading my blog!!

~Jenn

Blog Awards!

A huge THANK YOU to my beautiful friend, Carrie Carrie's Experimental Kitchen for awarding me with this Liebster Blog Award which is given to talented bloggers who have less than 200 followers. 

“Liebster” is a German word that means “Dearest”.

The rules to keep this award going:

1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog.
2. Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.
3. Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.
4. Present the Liebster Blog Award to 5 blogs of 200 followers or less who you feel deserves to be noticed.
5. Let the bloggers know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.

My 5 blog picks are:

1. Little Moments by Faith

2. Underachiever's Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess

3. People I Want to Punch in the Throat

4. The Happy Little Tomato

5. A Father of Four

I know that Jen over at People I Want to Punch in the Throat has a great following, but I can't help but acknowledge her, and thank her once again for letting me share on her board.

You guys are all great!!  Don't forget to visit my friend, Carrie at Carrie's Experimental Kitchen 

Congratulations on being one of my favorites!

~Jenn

Yeah, proofreading is not my speciality....Typo is!

If you've been reading my blog for a while, or even just today, I'm sure you'll notice that my punctuation, grammar and sometimes spelling or word usage are commonly off.  Oh, and I'm fabulous for my "run on sentence".

Don't judge.
Yeah - I'm not a good little proofreader.  Not that I'm an underachiever or anything, I just don't always catch it.  Most times, a thought comes to my mind and I quickly crank it out.  Sometimes - that time is while I'm at work and supposed to actually be doing what I'm paid to do (shhhh).  So I don't go back and proofread.  I crank it out between screens, hope no one is looking & get 'er done!

Also, I wake bright and early.  I try to have my witty little blogs up by 6 am for my fellow early risers, making proofreading on an uncaffeinated brain difficult at best.

Knowing this now, if I throw out a few words, phrases or a sentence doesn't make any sense at all...  Just nod your head and say, poor dear hasn't had all her coffee yet - and no matter what time of the day it is, you will be correct!

That is, unless it's a weekend & I'm feeling good - then I could perhaps have a pretty glass of red in my hand - in which case you will also need to learn to be fluent in typo.  Not fluent in typo??  Well, well, well... Now THERE'S something you didn't think you'd ever need to major in while in college! It should really be along side the Party 101 class & always remember to hydrate.

I became fluent in typo whilst attending the school of Red Rock along side my favorite classmate, Robin - who would get home and instant message me on AOL (this was back in "the day").  I would laugh like a mental patient, because between her enormously long nails & her blurred vision - her "I'm home" looked something like "i'ka toume" - and I would look at it and think - Oh good, my friend is home safe and sound.  Thank you....  whomever, for delivering my dear friend home safely.  Don't get that from "i'ka toume"???  Well close one eye & drink lots of tequila and it will all make perfect sense!  Ooh correction, Black Haus.  Right, Robbo?

Ahhhh, those were the days...

But, that's all I'm going to say about that - since my young and impressionable son may read this some day.  Momma was a perfect angel sweetie, love - don't you worry.  I was always the sober designated driver.  No matter what Auntie Robin says, mommy NEVER did the Nestea Plunge off the bar.

Ok, back to full disclosure...  What was my point...  Oh yeah, proofreading...

Well, whatever, you get my point.  Since I'm just rambling on now - I'll just wish you wonder folks a fabulous weekend!!  Rock out & do it safely!!

Lots of love & thanks for reading my blog!!

~Jenn

PS.  6 more days!!!

Abusive A'Holes.... RANT!

Not for nothing - but back the heck off, bud!

No, no - not you -- I love you people :o)

It's not even me that's being picked on.  I'm well beyond that crap now....  Not to say that I haven't been sucked into an abuse cycle at one time in my life.  Which is why I now write this.

I have been seeing so much abuse around me lately, in life and on television.  I see the same cycles repeating over and over again & then hear stupid comments like "wow, they must really have a weak and needy disposition"  Or, "they must not have a backbone."

Well guess what- that's a bunch of crap.  Don't tell people that!!  You're as bad as the abuser when you go there!

Everyone goes through a time in their life when they're down on them self for one reason or another - and all it takes is one weasely s.o.b. to swoop in - pretend to be their savior and then drag them down even further.  Some people are strong enough to recognize what's going on and get out.  Some people need to be told - and others sadly succumb to their abuser.  Even worse - and there is worse than succumbing to your abuser...  Someone so young that they think that the abuse they are experiencing is normal & acceptable behavior.

I have individuals around me who are/were in abusive situations.  I would just love to wrap my arms around the world and shield everyone if I could, but I can't - so what I will say is, if you're being abused & someone else close to you is being abused - do NOT defend your abuser to this other person.  Do not tell them that they are "sorry and will never do it again".  Do not cram this person down their throat - and do NOT do it while sporting a black eye!  Also, DO NOT STAY!  I don't care how much this person may say that they love you.  Clearly they don't love you enough to not drag you down to make themselves feel superior.  THAT is NOT love, that is submission.

I WAS once in a situation where I was dragged down and made to believe I was & undeserving.  Yes, me!  I was that person for a short period in my life.  I was going through a really difficult time personally.  I had some things I was feeling badly about & yes, someone swooped in and made me feel worse about myself.  I'm a reasonably intelligent woman.  I have always made good money, supported myself, kept myself well, provided a nice home, etc - yet I was in a situation where I believed I was terribly undeserving of feeling happy or being treated well.  And no matter how hard I tried to love and spoil the other person - it was never good enough.  Looking back - I can't believe I was ever that person.  For any amount of time.

I'm feeling pretty naked here as I write this, I want you all to know.

Something else you all need to know is that you ALL have value.  You all have amazing beauty & worth.  Even if you aren't the best cook or house cleaner - I'll be you can make a mean reservation &  be absolutely gracious doing so!  Rock it!

If someone else is dragging you down - it's THEIR insecurities they're trying to hide.  Not your lack of anything.

I have someone - actually a few young someones that I am dedicating this to.  Some who will read this and thank me quietly, others whom I can protect - and maybe someone I don't even know.

Remember one thing - God don't make no junk!  You ARE beautiful, special and important!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

If you are, or know someone who is being abused - or if you are not sure, please contact the National Abuse Hotline     Calls are confidential.

Dinner Woes...

If you haven't red this in a prior post, I am an American woman of Dutch & German decent married to a Costa Rican / American man.

Now, for the most part this doesn't cause any issues.  He's got a great set of family values & I just love everything about his family & the culture, etc.

Where my issues come in.... DINNER!

Being Spanish, he's very used to having rice - all the time.  Other things as well, but he mostly wants rice and chicken all the time.  I could totally do without rice.  Growing up, our family was big on pork, sauerkraut, cabbage and potatoes.  My Pop Pop taught me to make his famous stew & that anything with almond paste is amazing!  That's what I like and I would eat pork & mash every night, in a different way and be completely happy.  My husband HATES pork and almond paste!  Hates it.

This puts a huge damper on my cooking mood, because I'd make a loin, roast or chops at least once a week if I could.  And I'd have a boterletter every morning with my coffee if I could.  Well, not the whole letter - but yummmmm!!

I don't mind cooking Spanish food.  I know that I'll never be nearly as good at cooking anything as well as my mother in law, but I do Ok.  I like Spanish food - but I don't want to eat it all the time.  I like to mix it up - a little of this, a little of that.

Another thing is that the kids are a little difficult to please.  I have one little one who thinks everything is "spicy" and another one who would eat snacks for every meal if she could.  I have to "hide" veggies in "casserole" type dishes like Taco Lasagna or Cheeseburger pie...  These things make the kids' eyes light up - hubby, not so much.  I gotta tell ya - he's not usually a picky guy when it comes to food.

I guess to some degree it's fine - because I'm the cook - so I do what I want anyway.  On the nights when I know he's going to turn up his nose at what I've cooked, I make sure that there's a happy little left over that he'll enjoy instead.

Ugh...  Who'd have thought??

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Insomnia!

I kid you not, it's 3:47 am as I type this.

Ever have one of those nights where you're randomly awake at 2 am & no matter how hard you try - you can't go back to sleep??

I watched the minutes, which seemed like hours, tick away.  I tried to convince myself that I'm incredibly tired, yet these ridiculous thoughts keep popping into my head and keeping me awake.  Yes, ridiculous!  Nothing at all meaningful or substantial.  Things like the "red punch buggy" commercial.  Why isn't my cat in my bed?  Oh, and the ever meaningful... my heels sunk into the grass as I crossed it to get the children off the bus.  Ugh... Wha??

I do also have my typical pain to deal with, which is slightly untypical this evening - since I generally don't have the up the spinal cord, into my shoulders & neck stuff going on - but hey - what's one more pain, right??

Oh my gosh - how could I forget...  Honey, please take a bow.  There's also snoring hubby.

Yeah, I've got cranky pants on now...  And I will be headed back to my bed shortly, hoping to get some sleep.  Not that the minuscule amount of sleep will matter -- since I'm up at 5 am (yayyyy me!)

Ok, so it's onto bed ... Watch out world.  Tomorrow may be another mega-bitch day.  Sorry...

Can't say you haven't been warned.

Have a fabulous day zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

PS.  Good Morning world -- and I use the word "good" loosely.  6:15 am, I - of course, overslept and jumped out of bed like the house was on fire to get this out by 6 am...  Whoops.  Have a great day!

Friends?? or Friends!!!

Stuff has just been getting to me lately...

Generally, I let things roll off my back & have a usual whatever will be will be attitude.  Sometimes, just sometimes when things really get to me, I just can't hold it in anymore.

I've officially reached the stage of "I don't care".  You don't like me, I don't care.  You don't call me, I don't care.  I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.  That is - until I do care.  And, I do care.

Friendship is a two way street, as are all relationships.  There's a give and take.  It may not always be even - but to keep things moving, at one person has to be the one to reach out to the other.

I am the person who reaches out.  I always reach out.  Most times, I don't mind - but sometimes it gets to me.  Don't sit back and wait 5 months of not hearing from me & then when I call say, Oh my gosh - you haven't called me in forever, where have you been??  Uh - I'm pretty sure the phone works both ways dear.

I'm genuinely not directing this at anyone.  This it's not even a current annoyance for me - but one that has plagued me in the past (when I let things get to me) and something I know some other folks deal with.  It's for the other folks I write this now.

If you are the non-caller...  Nothing hurts worse than having a friendship with someone who you call all the time & that person only calls you when they need something - or want something.  That is NOT being a good friend - that is utilizing your surroundings to best benefit your needs.

Sort of sad, really that people can so easily become tools.

I love my friends & I am so wonderfully blessed with an amazing circle of lovely ladies locally, who are the greatest friends you could ask for, of course my BFF & many other forever friends.  Of these folks, I know that even if I haven't spoken to a few of these ladies in 5 years - if something happened to any of us - we're right there.  No questions asked.

THAT is friendship.  Being there.  The give and take.  The good, the bad & the ugly - when ever, where ever - FOREVER!

Thank you for reading my blog!

Have a wonderful week!!

~Jenn

Countdown to Chi-Town!

If you haven't been reading my blog all that long & are wondering what the heck I'm talking about....

I'm a mom of a US Sailor recruit!  Oh, and for future reference - even though it sounds much nicer to be Sailor Recruit... SR actually stands for Seaman Recruit.

At this writing it has been 52 days, including 2 holidays, since I have seen my son or heard his voice.  As a mom, let me tell you - this ain't easy!  I have gotten about 4 or 5 letters, but since the first letter I got from him ended with (and I kid you not) "I had an infection, but they slit my throat and I'm Ok now.  Love you."  I've been in borderline panic mode.

OMG Really??  Again, this was letter #1.  Your mother hasn't seen you or heard your voice for a month and you end your letter with "they slit my throat."  Awww, how amazingly comforting that was...NOT!  Of course (and if you know me, this will make total sense to you) I wrote him (several) letters.  What do you mean they "slit your throat"?  What the heck is going on?  Are you Ok?
No immediate response - which again, I'm not good at the whole patience thing.  Then, within days after my heart stopped beating from his letter for a millisecond - I saw the very sad news that a SR (seaman recruit) in another division died during daily PT.

Let me tell you - I come from a family of many who have served in the military and made it out alive - but this was MY CHILD now and I was still on "slit my throat" and poor deceased SR - no phone call, not another letter for over a week.

During this time period, I was also supposed to get my "I'm still alive" call.  This call did not come.  Now - I am totally beside myself, and then a letter....

"Mom, I'm really sorry that I missed my call.  I was really hoping to talk to you - but I had to get all my wisdom teeth removed.  It was sick - 4 teeth in 10  minutes - they just ripped them out.  I'm Ok now, but SIQ kinda stinks with all us guys dropping bombs (yayy, thanks for the info, ugh).  There are a lot of fun new noises too."  I'm guessing there were some sort of pain killers involved with this writing... but again - let's leave mom with the thought of "they're torturing me".

Ok, to be fair - there WERE positive aspects of his letter.  He does sound like he's having a good time (when I can get past the throat slitting, death & tooth ripping).  His handwriting has improved greatly and his letters even sound a bit more mature.  Perhaps we could save the blood, pain & farts for dad??

His letters have started coming more regularly now - no more blood and guts - just a really positive young man writing his momma.

Now that I've gotten past the whole fear that the military may kill my baby boy, I'm counting down the days until I go see him graduate boot camp!

I'm so incredibly proud!

...and once again - loose nut behind the keyboard.  This wasn't supposed to post until Monday!

Happy Weekend & Thank you for reading my blog!!

~Jenn

When I was in high school, I was the.....

I know these words must have escaped your mouth at least once in your adult life, and if you're not quite in adult life yet... Take note.

I tried to tell my son, as he was going through, that high school is not real.  Well, the school part is - but that whole cast of characters that everyone plays... not real.  That's just the compartment they fall into at the time.  Seldom is "that person" the person you are, or continue to become later on in life.  Your high school "part" doesn't dictate who you are.

The nerdy kids are the Steve Jobs of the planet.  Oh, did you pick on them & now they're your boss?  Whoops...  The most popular kid?  He might be the one pumping your gas, or making your sandwich at the local deli.  Hey, that's Ok - the world needs sandwich makers too.

Personally, I didn't fall to any extreme, but that's typical Jenn.  I was friends with everyone.  My friends were my friends.  Some were jocks, some were "burn outs", some nerds & some popular.  I didn't need or want to fit into any specific group.   Not to say that high school for me didn't contain it's very own set of pit falls, but hey - that's life.  That's how we grow and learn to become the people we are.

When it all comes down to it, we all create our own destiny.  Nothing is set in stone & just because someone puts you in a certain category doesn't mean that's your niche in life.

Go be YOU!  Who cares what the world thinks!  Go get it, grab it & swing from it...

So... Who were you??

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Siri, I hate to tell you but...

For a "chick" stuck in a Smart phone... You're pretty dumb!

For example, the other day - trying to call my friend Carrie... 
Siri - call Carrie. 
Calling Steve Parker. 
No, no - not call Steve Parker - Cancel. 
Call Carrie - calling Steve Parker. 
No - stop - DO NOT CALL Steve Parker.
Text Steve Parker - Sorry Steve, my smart phone is dumb. 
Sorry, Jenn - I cannot find Stemysmar in your phone book.  Would you like me to search the web for a business?

Really???  Where the heck did THAT come from?

Ya know, when I had my not as smart Blackberry I was able to voice train my phone so she knew exactly who I wanted to call.  She never just randomly called someone else by accident, and she always asked my permission first.  "Did you mean call....?"  Yes, "Blueberry" (that was my pet name for my phone)... I miss you.

Granted, when Siri didn't live in my phone, Blueberry didn't grant my every whim - like where's the nearest Starbucks & play me some Jimmy Buffet, but when I wanted to call Carrie - she called Carrie.

Frustrating...But I wanted this, I asked for it and I waited for it - and well, I've got it.

Oh sure, Siri - say my Blackberry is a fruit.  That's Ok, some of the smartest chicks are fruits!  I ought to know!  And you need to go back to Smart Phone School!  Hmmpf!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn