Knowing who your friends are...

Having been incredibly naive most of my life - at one point in time, I called everyone a friend...

As said in prior posts, my old boss, Andy, set me straight on that years ago.  Everyone is an acquaintance until they've earned "FRIEND".

I've learned to not get so emotionally involved & to just sit back, watch & listen.  This practice has done me incredibly well, and saved me from hurt feelings from time to time.

Maybe I'm confused because I don't play the game.  I genuinely don't have ulterior motives & I'm not interested in stepping on someone face to get to the next "higher" place in society.  I can't be bothered with the competitive nonsense.  I am who I am - like me or not.  If you're going to "choose up" in friendships because someone else seems to be more of something, or have more of something and you think you can shine in a different light - well go have fun with that.  Clearly I've misjudged the situation.

I've learned that some people, no matter how much you trust them & think they are your friend - will shred you down to nothing to another friend the second you turn your back.  Especially women!

This can be incredibly hurtful - especially in situations where you really think you can trust someone - and then you find out that they've teamed up in tearing you down - or speak badly, or make fun of you. Really??  Are we 12??

Yeah, I've had this happen. I may not say anything, but I'm very aware of what goes on around me.  Learning experience.

I've always been of the opinion that girlfriends need to stick together and have each other's back.  All the time, not just when we need something.  Maybe that's just me and my sense of loyalty.  When it comes to my friends, no one tears them down around me.  At least not with me opening my mouth in their defense.

Life is hard!  We need to build each other up, not tear each other down.

Everyone has stuff - some more than others and not every day is going to be sparkling and fantastic.

I've both been victim of "false friends" and I've seen some of my friends be torn down.  It's so sad.  What's really to be gained by pretending?

Personally, I'm happy with me and I know who my real friends are and those who are just going through the motions.  It really is Ok - everyone needs to now where they stand.

If you feel like you're standing alone - come on over!  The more the merrier!  I may not be the richest, prettiest or have the most to offer - but I know friendship is a two way street.

I also know who my girlies are & they will always pick me up when I'm down & vice versa!  And you know who you are :)

Have a wonderful and happy day full of peace and love!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Go pick on someone your own size!

As long as I do this, I don't think I'll ever completely get the hang of this & get a full grasp on what some of these little kids have endured.

With my own kids, I know what their basic imprint is & what their life experience has been to date - at least inside our home.  Other kids, it's a whole new ball game.

I'm generally very soft spoken & gentle with the kids.  I'm tough - well strict, but they always know that they're loved.  Don't get me wrong - I'm by no means mommy of the year.  I totally lose my cool from time to time & raise my voice.  That totally gets their attention, at least it gets my kids' attention.  They snap right to attention & know I mean business.  With this little one - not so much.

She's a really sweet & good little girl, but this kid has been through more than I can understand or relate to.  Some of her stuff, I get.  As I'd said in the past - I didn't have a stellar home life growing up - but I also wasn't physically abused.  At least not that I acknowledge.

I'm not a hitter.  I don't feel it necessary.  Like I said, I'm pretty strict - tough & tender.  I was a single mom to my son for a long time & I had to be both mom & dad - it just carried forward.  It's what works for me.  Raising my voice, if I needed to, had always been enough.

Now with this little one, I'm pretty shell shocked for lack of a better term.  She has melt downs daily, sometimes many times a day.  Nothing I can't handle, really - been there, done that - but it's tiresome.  This morning it was about her hair.  I braided one side of her head & wanted to clip it back to make a pretty hair style & she flipped out.  No trigger - she just flipped.  I remained calm & gently told her to go sit on her bed until she calmed down & started to lead her to the room.  She threw herself onto the floor & looked at me with fear in her eyes screaming as if she were waiting for a beating.  Holy crap!
The only thing I could think of to do was to walk away & let her scream it out.

After she was done, she came to me and hugged me.  We talked about what happened.  I wanted to be very sure that she understood that neither I or anyone else in our house would ever hurt her.
How do you get used to that kind of thing? 

Abuse is something I still can't wrap my head around - especially when you're looking at this little person who is just so beautiful and good & just wants to be loved.

All kids can be a total pain in the butt!  That's their job, but beating them into submission?  I'll never understand that.  It makes me sad and upset to see someone so little expect to be abused, because that's what she's used to.

It's hard, in this day and age, to be aware of things.  Some things are blatant and we still miss them.  Most of the time we want to mind our own business.  What's the right thing to do?  I'm surely still learning.

"I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier..." ~Whitney Houston - Greatest Love of All

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Pet Peeve of the day...

There's truly nothing that annoys me more than what I call "What time is it, is that a clock on the wall?" type of question....

WHY, if you CLEARLY and OBVIOUSLY know the answer to a question, would you continue to ask it?  Are you expecting a different answer??

I get it with kids.  Kids are seeking perpetual attention and will ask you three seconds after someone else asks what's for dinner, "Are we having spaghetti for dinner?"

I could really roll with the sarcasm on that - but I remember I'm dealing with children & respond correctly.

This feeling also goes for that contemptible question... What have you been doing all day??

Well shucks, honey.  It's a darn good thing you came home when you did.  Had you been here 10 minutes earlier, you'd have caught all of the magic fairies cooking dinner, doing laundry, cleaning the house and chasing the children around while my personal masseuse was packing up his belongings before you got here & giving me exactly 10 minutes to look busy...

Oh my gosh....

Mind you, I work outside of the home AND still continue to do "my" house "duties".  That question "what have you been doing all day?"  sounds more like - Why is your lazy butt still planted on the couch?  I clearly don't have my slippers & paper in hand yet or dinner in front of me.

I'm pretty sure that stay at home moms feel the same way.  Trust me - staying home, not easy!  You could clean your floors & dust every square inch of a room and within seconds small children will have spewed Cheerios, milk, juice & any toy that has a million little pieces EVERYWHERE - and then you need to clean it up again.  So when Daddy comes home & sees the mess everywhere - it's only because Mommy got sick of cleaning the same mess 5 times & just let it ride...

I am, of course, exaggerating some (but just some) for effect.  My husband does appreciate what I do around here and vice versa.  Every once in a while (like today) he spews ridiculousness like how he's ALWAYS been the one to do the grocery shopping sets me off & opens the current can of whoop ass that I am currently unleashing in my blog.

So in case you haven't noticed - and you are a male reading this... "What have you been doing all day?" - NOT the question you want to ask if you want to keep a smiling wife.

Remember, just because you don't actually see it happening - doesn't mean it's not being done :)

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Why can't we all just get along?

Our family camps.  In a camper, of course...  My tenting days are longggg over...

When we first got our camper, we had friends who also camped regularly.  They also had small children, so camping together was easy & fun.  The kids did their thing, we did our thing & everyone was happy.

They've since SOLD THEIR CAMPER on us (had to throw that in there), but we've forgiven them and love them anyway.  They were also foster parents, who had the opportunity to adopt their precious little angels.

One specific camping trip, it rained and we weren't as prepared as we ought to be.  Heather and I set out, with her littlest in tow - in the middle of bumble butt nowhere, to find a Walmart where we could buy an E-Z Up.

So here we are traipsing through Walmart, with her little guy in the cart.  Killing time, really.  She went in one direction and I went in the other with her little guy.  Suddenly, I noticed that I was getting really ugly looks from some of the other patrons.  I couldn't figure out what was going on...  I mean yeah, we were camping - but I did shower.  I ignored it and moved on.  WTH?

When I found Heather, I mentioned to her that people were giving me dirty looks - were my boobs hanging out, was I dirty, did I smell??  What??  Then she told me she gets that all the time.  I still didn't get it right away, then it hit me... people were giving me dirty looks because I was a white woman pushing around a black baby.  REALLY people???  REALLY???  I was horrified!  He's the most beautiful, kind heart and loving little boy you'd ever met.  You can't help but fall in love with this kid!  I couldn't get over it!
I could be mistaken - but I thought we were in the millennium not 1960 anything...  I can't believe that people are still so ignorant and hateful.  Especially when a child is involved!

So, being the perpetual ball buster that I am, I did the only thing that I could think of to give them something more to look at & talk about...  I grabbed Heather's arm and pretended to be her wife.  I put my head on her shoulder & looked at her with love eyes.  We chatted on & talked about what a blessing our son was to be sure those ignorant people got a good ear full!  It really was entirely too much & overly cheesy - no one acts like that - but these ignorant folks certainly took the bait.  I swear I wanted to give them the one finger salute, I was so annoyed - but why stoop to their level.

I hope no one is offended by my candor.  If you've been reading long enough, you should expect blunt from me.

What I'm trying to say here is that people are people.  It doesn't matter what size, shape, color, religion, sexual preference, whatever!  It's about acceptance!

As I've said before, please allow me to turn that little mirror of judgement around so you could see yourself better...

Can't we all just get along??

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Bully, Bully - Go Away!

Dedicated to all those who have been bullied, or pushed around in any way...

I've never been one to push people around, well - except maybe my little brothers growing up - but that was a pecking order issue :)  I've always tried to be a person who didn't let others get pushed around.

What's with the idea of control that makes some individuals need to make others smaller to make themselves bigger?  Why hurt another person? What could possibly be gained?  I don't get it.

Once upon a time, I was in a relationship where I wasn't treated properly.  Bullied for lack of full disclosure.  I'm a strong minded individual - but it's amazing how someone could really tear you down and make you believe that you're less.  Even someone as strong minded as I am was sucked in and dragged down.

It took a lot to get myself back to a place where I knew I was good again, and at that time my line became "I'm sorry you're feeling small today, but you're not taking me with you."

I was able to get out of that mess, but I still question how I was able to be pulled down to that level.  It's also one of the biggest reasons I don't like to see others hurt, bullied or treated less.  No one deserves it & once you get sucked in - it's a downward spiral.

Don't let anyone drag you down!  Everyone has worth.  Everyone has good within them.  No one deserves to be torn down.

The most powerful words that I've ever heard to save yourself from any type of negative situation...

"If you're strong enough to stay, you're strong enough to go."

I wish you peace.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

More lawn references... (I can't awlays be witty, lol)

For any of you who may be truly concerned about the information I post on my blogs, thank you - you're sweet.  I know this is the "world wide web" the internet, the information highway & nothing is private, secret or confidential - it's all out there for the world to see...

That said, yeah - my husband does occasionally read my blog and sees all I have to say.  I have nothing to hide.

We all have a past, present - hopes and dreams & he is aware of them all.  No secrets - no lies.  It's what works best.  I'm also not smart (or energetic) enough to keep up with the secrets & lies game even if I wanted to play!  It's more trouble than it's worth, if ya ask me!

I am lucky to be able to say that I married my best friend.  We talk. Yeah - maybe some details are only meant for the girls (he doesn't want to hear it anyway, lol) but it's out there long before it's out here.

This is important to me.

I truly believe that when you work to build a life with someone, it needs to mean something.  It's important and you give it all to build it stronger, there's nothing worth tearing it down.

Marriage is hard.  Every relationship in life has it's ups and downs, and at some point the other individual in the relationship is going to do something to piss you off!  Heck - even the dog pees on the rug sometimes out of spite.  That doesn't mean you go out and get a new dog.  You clean it up!

Nothing is perfect all the time, every day.  There will always be bumps in the road.  Lord knows that every day of our life isn't always filled with sunshine & flowers.  We've been through a lot, but it's the plowing forward up and through the tough stuff that helps to build things stronger.  Not starting all over again!

The grass may look greener on the other side, it always does.  You may want to roll around in that other grass - but I assure you, that grass will get matted down and unattractive from time to time too.  Then when you look really close - there will be weeds & crab grass!

So quit looking at your neighbor's lawn!  There's more in there than you even want to know about!

Fertilize the lawn you worked for.  Care for it and cut back the dead stuff so the new stuff can grow up strong and healthy.

It's way easier & more satisfying to just roll up your sleeves & put a little work into what you've neglected than having to start over with a pile of dirt & seed.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Dancing to the beat of a different drummer

I am not normal!

There I said it.  Whew, that's a relief!  What is "normal" anyway??  Isn't it relative??

I definitely have different ways of thinking and saying things that sometimes make people shake their head, or laugh with an "Ohhh, Jenn."

I will state flat out - I am a believer.  I believe in the power of God and I believe that He has a master plan for me and I believe that He sent His son Jesus Christ to save me from my sins.  I believe that the only way to the Father is through the Son.  I believe in the Bible & what it teaches.

I also believe in ghosts.  Well, spirits left behind.  I believe this very specifically because when I was younger, my dad's house was seriously haunted.  To this, I have several witnesses.  I loved my dad and all, but if I was going to his house for the weekend - I was taking friends with me so I didn't have to sleep in my room alone!  (please feel free to chime in, you know who you are) It was seriously creepy!  I don't understand it, but I believe it.

Because I believe in God, the Father, Son & Holy Spirit, I also believe in Heaven.  However, I believe that I will need to wait on line before I can get in.  I know I'm going, I just think the Big Guy is going to have quite a lot to say to me.  There will be others with less to account for, and others with more - but this is my mental picture.  Sort of like the waiting room in the movie Beatlejuice, but absolutely incredible.  It's OK if I need to wait on line - because not only is time relative, but I KNOW there's dancing in Heaven!  I love to dance!!  I'm quite sure that while I'm on line, I will be dancing with the angels & best of all I'll get to speak directly with God.  I believe it all to be wonderful.

Both of these things, I've gotten the head shake & the words "that's not Biblical" and yes, I know - but this is a way better line of thinking than others.  I also think that even God shakes His head & laughs.  After all - He is fully responsible for my sense of humor.  Thank you Big Guy, You rock!  :)

I do also believe that when I do get my chance to come face to face with the Almighty, that I will drop to my knees and be in total awe.

He has given me a lot to be thankful for & one of them is that I am NOT at all normal!

And I am thankful for all of you...

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

New Jersey - Winter in October (yuck)

I know that snow in October is not so unusual for some of you in other areas of the country or world.

Here in New Jersey we do not, ever, expect a major snow storm in October. Especially not one that dumps over 19" of very wet, heavy snow!  January, of course.  December, Ok.  November, rarely.  But October NEVER!

For me, it's incredibly unwelcome!
I've made my opinion on snow very clear a few posts back.  As great a lodge bunny as I make, I don't ski, I don't like winter sports & I don't like to be cold.  Kinda stinks when you live within a 20 minute drive to about 4 ski areas (that I can think of off the top of my head).  Gimme my beach, sun & frosty beverage!

The children were in absolute awe over the big chunky flakes that kept falling.  They were absolutely joyous on the thought of building snowmen & trudging around in the cold wet stuff.

Me?  I watched the high winds blow & the snow fall while watching the power lines sway.  The heavy chunks of snow weighed them down and then fell off in large blobs.  At the same time I counted power surges and kept my fingers crossed that power would remain.  Thankfully it did.

This was no average snow storm.  19" of heavy, wet snow and high winds, while leaves are still on the trees led way to downed trees, large branches and downed power lines.  Over 500 thousand homes in New Jersey are still without power since Saturday.  Over 300 thousand in Connecticut & over 200 thousand in New York - still without power, five days later.  Comparably - some say it's worse than the recent Hurricane Irene that blew through just a few short months ago.

Luckily, and thank You Lord - we were spared much damage.  I, for sure, lost my very pretty Red Maple out front (at the peak of it's beauty) and our daughter's swing set was victim to a rather large tree branch - but we kept power & heat.  Many of my friends remain in the dark (and cold).

We Jersey folk aren't wimps by any stretch of the imagination.  We can hang with the best of 'em - but we're definitely being tested!

To my local friends in the dark - if you need me, let me know.  (For one of my friend, who will know exactly who she is when she reads this,  No fishing!  Just spit it out.  I don't catch on - lol)

In all seriousness, my house is your house - what's mine is yours - if you need, let me know.

Here's to a speedy end of this early winter & the white stuff!

Stay warm!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn