Who's you Daddy??? Um, not YOU...

Now that I've got your attention, I hate to break it to you - but this post is going in a whole different direction.  :)

I know, I know - I tricked you.  Sorry, lol..

I'm just really annoyed & need to vent about women having their children call the man they are dating "Daddy" - especially after only a few months.

No offense to the guys who actually deserve the title, but I can't imagine that if you are a stand up guy that you'd want someone else's child calling you Daddy unless you know you're going to stick around...

Before anyone gets all defensive on me, I was a child of a mom who dated a lot AND I was also a divorced, dating, single mom once upon a time.  So I feel very entitled to vent on this!

Way to REALLY screw a kid up!

Once again - let me remind you - this post isn't directed at anyone specifically, so if you're feeling like I'm pointing the finger at you directly or this hits home in some way - take note, because you are about to be schooled!

I'm not good at holding my thoughts and feelings in, and when I'm about ready to blow - there's no stopping me.  I'm not standing in a place of judgement, but I AM definitely stating my (very strong) thoughts and opinions & you may not like what I have to say.

So I have this little chickadee...  Who has had several "daddies".  She always talks about when this one was her daddy and when that one was her daddy - I had to interject.  Wrong or right, I told this little girl that just because mommy has a new boyfriend - that doesn't make him her "daddy".  Especially since one of her "daddies" is her abuser.  How horrific!

Again, way to really screw a kid up!

I very clearly explained to her that biologically, we only get one mommy and one daddy.  The job of a mommy and daddy is to love, protect and teach their little person.  The end.

Not every biological can carry through their end of the bargain.  That's why there are adoptive parents, foster parents (including family) & step parents.  That is also why there are foster kids & messed up kids who grow into messed up adults!  I'm definitely one of them.  (mother, if you're reading - click the little x button now)

I consider myself to be a good parent.  I was both a divorced single mom at one time, and the product of divorced parents.

As the product of divorced parents, it was definitely not cool for me to have known mommy's "friends" AND I remember all of them, some not in a good way.  Luckily my mother never made me call anyone beside my own father "daddy".  However, her open dating is something that definitely screwed with my head when I was a kid.  It was also the reason that I kept my son far away from anyone I was dating.  He was a kid.  He was MY baby and MY responsibility and he already had a father.  He may not have been father of the year, but I wasn't looking for a new daddy for my son.  My marriage didn't work out - my bad, not his!

Yeah, I dated - but both my husband and the other person that I dated will attest to the fact that my son was never anywhere around.  I did my best to keep my personal life & my son separate.  My husband didn't get to meet my son for several months, and only after my dad cleared him.  Then there was STILL minimal interaction for quite a long time!  I didn't want any confusion on my son's part, especially since the only time my son briefly/accidentally met someone I dated (prior to my husband), he called him "daddy" out of confusion.  I nipped that in the bud immediately & that was the last time the two laid eyes on each other.  It was a good thing, because he was not the person I married.

Kids don't know any better.  They just want their world to be warm & fuzzy - happy & secure where everyone smiles & hugs each other.

To some of you women, I just want to smack you upside the back of the head & say WAKE UP!

Your beautiful little baby didn't ask to be here - you brought him/her here...  When you became a mommy - you became #2.  All your little wants and needs - SECONDARY....  The kids come first.

Wow, that sucks, huh???  How's that for a reality check??  The world no longer revolving around you, but someone else!

That's parenting - them first - you a very distant second...

If this hit a chord with someone - GOOD!

You are the person responsible for giving your little person the sense of security and self respect that will carry them through life.

They should look at you as a model of how they should be - not how they shouldn't be.

Your choice.

I pray that you don't screw it up!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Cruising 101... Counting down!

My first cruise was truly an amazing and interesting experience.

Firstly, I had no idea if I would get seasick or not.  With that in mind, I went to see my doctor and got a prescription for that little patch that goes behind your ear.

I highly recommend that if your are going to cruise & this is something you are planning on purchasing - READ THE SIDE EFFECTS!

It's not nearly as fun to get that little "loss of vision" side effect while on a ship in the middle of the Caribbean at a Martini Tasting!  Talk about confusion!  It's hard enough learning how to walk on a moving ship, never mind doing it after a few cocktails without proper vision!

Luckily my husband read the side effects (after the fact), I took the patch off & started to regain proper vision within a few hours, but whew - what an experience that was!!

Also, maybe you won't actually BE seasick!  I don't get motion sickness.  I was still on the ship when I took the patch off & nada - nothing, not even a little queasy, but I didn't know in advance.  It's good to be prepared in the event of rough seas.  May I suggest those handy dandy little wrist bands instead or even Dramamine.  Yeah the bands mess up your tan, but would you rather spend time worshiping the porcelain god, or enjoying vacay??  Yeah - that's what I thought.  It's not like you can get a tan inside your cabin anyway!  :)

Also, I strongly recommend pre-purchasing your on board ship credit.  There is nothing like having the reality of vacation coming to an end smack you in the face harder than the sign & sail bill....  Eek!  Especially if you like to have a few cocktails.  Think NYC prices when you're ordering your little drinkie poo's...  They're like $8 a pop, no joke!

If you like to enjoy a glass of wine, or a cocktail here & there - check the alcohol policy on the cruise line.  Some lines let you bring your own alcohol (usually just wine) in your carry on.

Oh, and WATER!!  Order water to your cabin BEFORE you leave for your cruise.  Many cruises have all the free soft drinks you want - but water is $$.  If you pre-order your water to your cabin, it's cheaper.  There is usually someone coming around when you get on board to take orders, but really who wants to be bothered with more paperwork...

If you can get a cabin with a veranda - DO IT!!  There is nothing like watching the ocean any time you please.  Yeah, it's more expensive - but heck - you've already thrown down a mint for the cruise anyway - what's a few extra bucks!  You only live once!

We are planning to set sail once again & I'm ready!

Caribbean, massages on the beach, sun, sand & being waited on hand and foot...  I can't wait!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Aging, kicking and screaming all the way...

At this writing, I'm exactly 10 days from sliding down the middle of my imaginary teeter totter of life & beginning my rapid descent toward the next decade of my life...

I don't like it!  Not even a little bit, not even at all!  I guess that 46 is a prettier number than 45, but yuck!  What happened to 26?  Or 36?  I blinked!

Mostly, I've taken the aging process gracefully.  I like things simple, so I've never delved into the whole Botox, plastic surgery bit that seems so popular.  I'm not into all of that.  I'm me, love me as I am or not at all.

I do believe that I have entered mid-life crisis mode.  I am not always loving what is looking back at me in the mirror and feeling a bit ho hum. Who the heck is that older chick looking back at me?  The hot little 30-something now looks frumpty dumpty to me.  Boo!

Don't get me wrong, as appealing as it may sound to rewind the hands of time & redo the things I've done, knowing what I know now...  I'd still take back my old choices - because I'm quite sure I'd just make different mistakes that may not lead me to where I am today.  Today is good!

20's no thanks - for sure!  Reckless & wild - that was me.  30's a little better, but not quite there.

Now, in my 40's - I've accepted that this is who I am.  I'm ok with me.  Vanity surely kicks me when I'm down, but I know that I'm special and unique.  (Just like everyone else, lol)

My kids are getting bigger by the second - I'm getting older and greyer, but I'm me.

Working on telling Mrs. Frumpty Dumpty to relax and embrace the coming years and find a new "hot".

Yep, youth is truly wasted on the young.  I may be kicking and screaming all the way down my teeter totter, but I'm looking forward to the next phase of my life.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Reflecting back to September 11, 2001

It's one of those times in history where you remember exactly where you were, what you were doing...

I was working at Arrow Group Industries at the time.  At around 9 am our mail guy, Gene, came over to my desk and said - "Hey, did you hear that a plane just crashed into one of the towers at the World Trade Center?"  I tried to pull the news up on my computer & then it came over the radio that another plane had crashed into the second tower.  A half an hour later, another plane hit the Pentagon - then the crash in Pennsylvania.  I can remember people in the office frantically calling friends and family to be sure they were safe.  The office was very somber and chaotic at the same time - no work got done.  Everyone had the news up on their computers - the radio in the office got louder & we all sat there just listening.  I reflected back to the Trade Center bombing in 1993 - and now those same towers were gone.  It was all so surreal.

I wonder if this is how it felt to folks back when J.F.K. was shot.

It seemed like the world stopped.  I can remember feeling so scared.  My (step) dad was home (he lived with us) I wanted to get to him because he was sick, I wanted to get Kyle from school & I wanted Wag to be home.  I wanted to be safe in my little cocoon with my family.  We were living in the apartment across the street from Big John's at the time.  I remember us all on the sectional in front of the TV just watching the horror show over and over in disbelief.

It's hard to believe that was 10 years ago already.

On this 10th anniversary, please remember those who lost their lives.  Not only the first victims - but all of the first responders who selflessly put their own lives on the line to rescue others.  All of the random heroes who just went in to help whoever they could just because, and please always remember our United States service people who risk their lives every day defending OUR freedom!

God Bless America!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Hurricane Irene in New Jersey - a week later

Looking back at my prior post on Hurricane Irene, I'm feeling pretty badly about my pre-hurricane post.

No one could have predicted how bad it was going to be for the inland folks here in Jersey.

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=o.90119719152&type=1

Fortunately, the rivers have now receded & the flood waters are gone in most areas, but the destruction up and down the highway, not even a mile away from where I work is just awful.

Power is still out in many areas & emergency response is up and down the highway in several surrounding areas.  This doesn't even begin to call to mind the areas in South and Central New Jersey.

Currently being a PSE&G "widow", I can tell you that the utility companies are working their butts off to get things back up and running.  They are overwhelmed - genuinely.  Please hang in there.

I feel incredibly lucky and blessed to have been spared the devastation that so many of my fellow Jersey (and upstate New York) friends and neighbors have suffered.

This post is for all of you.

If you are out of state & know someone from Jersey who may have been affected, please check in with them.  Jersey Pride runs tough, so even if they say everything is just fine (and you know they were flooded) you may want to help out in some way anyway.

If anyone that I know needs help with clean up, or anything at all - please let me know.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Stevie Nicks Concert - PNC Bank September 1, 2011

First let me say, that THIS may have been one of the best concerts I've ever seen!

I love Stevie Nicks & she has always been my all time favorite, but I've been to A LOT of concerts!

At age 63 years old, this woman totally rocks it out - and with such style & grace.  She is genuinely appreciative of her entire band and her fans / the audience.

I loved her interaction and her energy!  She is so genuine.

I bought the new CD (I was about so say album, lol) "In Your Dreams" on pre-order.  While I loved a few of the songs (Secret Love, For What it's Worth, Annabelle Lee), I was only feeling 'eh on some of the others.  Then she played them live.
Stevie's Soldier's Angel was absolutely amazing live.  I wasn't previously a fan of this particular song.
Check out the song:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-n66HIh_W4 
What makes it better is her personal experience and story of what inspired her to write this song.  You can't get that just from listening to the CD.

She mostly played the new stuff to promote her album, but she played our fav's like Gold Dust Woman, Rhiannon, Leather & Lace (with her vocal coach).  I can't even begin to say how amazing it was.

As someone who writes, I appreciate an entertainer who pours her heart out on "paper" & brings it to life.  She really was just incredible!

And what a cast of characters at the concert.  Holy cow!  I thought people watching at Washington Square Park in Greenwich Village, NYC was bizarre.  This concert was a close second, and I do believe I was a youngin' last night!

There were much younger girlies there as well.  While waiting on line for the ladies room (because you know there's ALWAYS a line for the ladies room) I hear this little 20 something, when she sees a picture of Lindsey Buckingham, say, "Oh he's the one who wrote ALL the songs Stevie Nicks & Fleetwood Mac sing."  Really?  All the songs??  What are you, 12??  I kept my mouth shut!  (yes, mark your calendars - it happened!)

What a fun concert, and for the first time in a very long time - I smelled that certain aroma wafting through the air.  You don't smell that at Jonas Brother's concerts with 9 year old little girls.

If you're a fan, check out Stevie's new album - ugh, I mean CD.  "In Your Dreams"

I personally give it a 2 thumbs up :)

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

PS.  Happy Birthday September 1st to my Lynne!!  Love ya girlie!!

Common Ground

We've been foster parents for a good few years now.

Many little girls have come through.  Every one of them has left a different imprint on my heart for different reasons.  I've given up on the whole band aid theory.  I'm a mush.  I love from the top of my heads to the tip of my toes.  I don't bond with every single kid - a few of them I couldn't wait to leave.  It just happens that way.

This little chickadee - yet another I've sworn not to get attached to, has wormed her little way into my heart in less than a month's time.

Not only is she just the cutest, sweetest little thing - but she and I share common ground.

I always try to avoid using this as a forum to bash anyone, so I'll just say that my childhood was not stellar.  I longed for the love and attention of my mother - who only wanted sons.  Yes, I did have not only one, but two amazing dads, but it's just not the same as a mom.

This is where common ground kicked in.

One morning while I was driving her to daycare, she just started talking to me telling me how she wants to live with us forever.  No kid ever says that - no matter how bad their parent is.  That statement alone made me feel sad for her.  Of course, I tried to explain to her that she was just staying with me for a while and her mommy loves her.  At that she promptly said, "no she doesn't Miss Jenn".  My heart broke again.  She looked at me with her beautiful little eyes and said, "My mommy just wants me to stay away. from her."  I instantly knew how she felt.  My heart broke again & I felt as if I were five years old again and craving my mommy's attention.

Most women know how strong the bond should be between mother and daughter.  Daughters look to mom for all the things they should know.  When there's no where to look, you feel incomplete.

I flashed back through so many times I was "alone" - times in my life where I wish I had a mother who truly loved me to share things with me.  The birth of my daughter, when I was sick, when my brother died.  I won't elaborate, but I knew - I know this little girl's heart.  I know her pain.

I reached back with tears in my eyes & grabbed her little hand and promised her I will do all I am able for her.  It kills me that is the best promise I can make when I really just want to keep her safe, forever - just like she wants.

My daughter, many times, thinks that I am too tough on her - but she has no doubt how much  I love her.  In that alone, without anything else, I've accomplished so much more than I'd felt at her age.  I will teach her all I know - how to be strong and independent.  To have faith & know she's good.  To love with everything inside of her & how to love her own daughter like I love her.  I already know she's learning, because the compassion I see in my daughter for this little girl, and the ones before her, makes me so proud.

I do truly hope and pray that I am able to give this little girl what she needs for as long as she's here.  I hope all the times I tell her how smart she is, how beautiful she is, how good she is sticks in her brain and she knows she is good & worth it all.  I hope this time with us / with me gives her some of what I've always craved.  I also pray that her momma learns to give her hugs like I do & let her feel special and know she's worth it, and if she can't or won't - let someone else who will!.

I also pray that my own little girl will always look to her momma and always know - My momma loves me.

I wish you all the same!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Hey, get outta my spot!

Judging by my posts and rants, I'm sure you've noticed that I've been relatively unproductive the past few days.

During my “down time” I’ve noted a few things.  First, my kids CAN actually entertain themselves & do not need me to constantly entertain them (regardless of their overwhelming demand) and my cat is a royal pain in the BLEEP!

I love my kitty, I do.  She’s beautiful & fluffy & always by my side.  If I'm sick, she is my sick buddy.  BUT if I am not up and out of bed by 6:30 am (even when I don’t need to be) she is sitting on my head, head butting me in my ribs and slapping me in the face with her paw… REALLY??  I swear that she’s worse than my kids!

It’s not like she even eats the food I give her!  She just wants to know that I’ve gotten my butt up out of my comfy little bed, that she has food in her dish and my outside kitty is also fed.  Then, her world is fine and she will fluff up a spot and plop herself down.  Most of the time - that spot is (or was) MINE!

Now I’m up.  Of course caffeine will need to be involved.  Then I’ll look around and see the things that need to be done & I’ll start doing them & then I realize – wow, I feel like crap – why am I up??  The kids are happily fed and playing nicely without me.  Oh that’s right, the cat...  And look…  She’s sleeping on MY spot in MY bed!

Is it possible for an animal to be so manipulative??  Clearly it is!

Well I'm off to go have a tug of war for the covers with my cat.  I'm planning to win, but then again - I plan to sleep in on Saturdays as well...

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Trapped in the mountains...

Before I go on with my little blog, we're really Ok in our home.

Unlike other people in town, we've been really lucky to have power and very little storm damage.  The sumps kicked on at 2 am, luckily for me, at a time when Wag was home to get some rest.

If you have no power or gas - TRUST ME, these guys are working like dogs.  My husband is supervision & he's been out since 4:30 pm Saturday.  Crews genuinely have been working & most of these guys haven't slept.

I haven't seen anything besides whats in the news, online or on TV - but I know that rivers are way beyond flood stages (by record levels) and roads are washed out - and this is just in North Jersey.  I know that the shore took a major hit.

We live in the mountains, so currently we are suffering run off & ground saturation (in my home).  I do know that my friends "up the mountain" may be without power by now and the roads off the mountain were flooded & closed.

Kyle spent the weekend at a friend's house upstate - they have been without power & I know that roads leading home have been washed out in several areas - so I'd just assume he stay put!

I feel incredibly lucky & blessed to have been spared - but if you are a praying person, I ask you to pray for those around here who weren't so lucky.  Most of us Jersey folk are nothing like those on TV and don't "have it all" as it appears on TV - we work hard and live modest lives.

I think you can see the pictures in the following link, even without a Facebook account, this is just some of the damage in our area:  https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=o.90119719152&type=1

Again, this is NORTH Jersey!

To my local friends, if you can see this and you need help, or want to take a shower and you can get to my house - the door is always open to you.

I know I can't get down the highway to work because 23 is flooded & all the area around my office is flooded.  I'm content to be trapped for the time being, but will venture out later to see for myself.

As drastic as this all may sound, we were very lucky compared to the prediction.

Be safe all!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore....

I'm still here!!

I don't have the nerve (or desire) to wear one of those "I Survived Hurricane Irene 2011" shirts, nor would I ever put that as my status.

As a plus, we didn't sustain much damage, but some of my friends have.

I believe that I deserve an award for keeping two little girls not only happy, but from killing each other & driving me insane for the past 2 days.  (Today started with 2 melt downs before 9 am prior to a full tank of caffeine - so stay with me....)

It's been a crazy day - the news, of course, is absolutely relentless with the storm - alright already...  I know, I know hurricane - got it.   Yes, it's windy - yes, I'm inside.  Yes, I'm sad about our beaches - but how much news can we stand - I'm on overload.

Most of the day I've kept the TV off just to keep the girls prepared for the potential loss of power (which didn't happen, thankfully).  I've enjoyed the no TV & have almost finished reading a 500 plus page book, I'm so proud of me...  And my daughter just said OUT LOUD "I wanna finish reading my book".  I'm so proud of her!  And, I just popped the TV on & am annoyed already after 5 minutes, so I will gladly yield to the Disney Channel to keep a happy 5 year old.

It's been a tough little weekend for these girls, all cooped up in the house - but they did a great job.  Wag has been at work since 4ish yesterday & not likely to come home any time soon...  It's Ok, I've got it.

Kyle ditched me, but did call in bright & early this morning to make sure momma was Ok - good boy...  However, he's had no power where he's staying...  Oh well, you wanted to go out and party all weekend.

Have I been bored, yup.  I didn't want to leave & no one wanted to entertain me.  I'm Facebooked out, but I fully expect to be bored for one more day, because as I look online, I see that all paths out of my town are either flooded or have tree issues, so stay tuned...

For my friends in Wayne, Warwick, Pompton Lakes/Plains, Pequannock, down the shore - Long Island - and anyone else with tree / water damage, my thoughts are with you.  Let me know if I can do anything.

Stay safe - looks like Irene isn't quite done with us yet.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Prepping for Hurricane Irene...

Well, she's a comin'..

And you know it's for real when NYC shuts down (the City never sleeps) and Atlantic City is closing the casinos...  Should make for a very interesting weekend.

Personally, I say BRING IT!  I'll be surfing the storm from INSIDE of my home with the girls.  Wag is, of course, on call and in the shop for the night and the teenager ditched me to be with his friends.  No worries - I've got a safe neighborhood & we're all ready to cram into John & Trish's house since they've got the generator.  (yes, that's your heads up, hee hee)  I'm pretty sure I can make it across the street in a hurricane.

I'm really not all that concerned for anything except downed trees and loss of power.  I rode out Hurricane Floyd in '99 (? year) with Kyle as a single mom, I already know the drill.  The trees could definitely be an issue, since I've got a lot of them - but it is what it is.

My concern is, first and foremost, for my family and friends in North Carolina and on the East coast.  Be safe all!  No surfing in the storm, don't be brave - we'd rather help you clean up after the mess than attend your funerals.

If you need a place to go, call me or just show up.  My door is always open & there's always room for one more.

Please let's be smart!  Don't be a hero...  As my husband says, a hero ain't nothin' but a sandwich...

Prayers for all - for us inland folk, enjoy the storm :)  She's a comin'

~Jenn

Hurricane Preparedness for my NORTH Jersey folk....

First off, I'd like to say - if you're in North Jersey (or upstate NY) and you're freaking out...
Y'all are WIMPS!

2 words... Hurricane Floyd

Before the news hype comes gets worse & I get stuck on a forever line at Shop Rite (which you all know, I HATE) let's go over a few things shall we...

First - have cash.  Remember that green paper that most of us used to have in our wallets - yeah, that.  You will need it.  If you are old enough to remember Hurricane Floyd - the ATMs were all down.

Second - prepare to be without electricity.  I know, I know the horror...  Without electricity also means without internet, and NO your Blackberries & cell phones may not work either.  Take note, if you or your entire block has no electricity, chances are the grocery store won't have power either & they'll be closed.  That's even suggesting that there won't be downed trees in the path of the store.

Think CAMPING.  Not camping like I camp (in a camper, lol) but like I used to camp.  ROUGH IT!  Think no electricity.  Think flash lights, candles, board games, books (book lights if you have them) & lots and lots of close personal family time.

With that in mind - as you go out to rush the supermarkets - do NOT waste your time on milk, meats or dairy - refrigerators run on electric, remember??  Think bread, peanut butter, pasta, canned stuff.  Cook in advance & warm stuff up on the stove.  If you don't have gas, bummer...  I'd say to use your grill, but I don't want to be responsible for he potential disaster of someone bringing it into their kitchen.  Camping cook stoves w/ propane work real well too - on your covered OUTSIDE porch - not in your house!

You may also want to think ice for your coolers & since you'll be spending so much quality time with your children (without TV or other stimulants they are used to) beer and wine will go real well in those coolers.  Just sayin'.  Oh, bottled water is always good too :)

Fill your vehicle up with gas.  Like the rest of the population of the planet, most gas station's pumps are electronic.

For us folk up here in the mountains who have well & septic - fill your tub with water.  As we all know, without a pump, there is no water - with no water, the potty does not flush...  get where I'm going with this?

Trees will be down, roads will be blocked.  You may be trapped for a day or two if it's as bad as they predict.

Instead of making a run on the grocery store (I'm pretty sure everyone's got enough food in their home to last a few days) hit the book store & the toy store.  Load up with activities to keep everyone occupied.

For those with small children who are programmed that dark means night night - Yay you!!  (that's how I programmed my kids)  A few extra hours to yourselves. Woo Hoo!!

For my family & friends in North Carolina and along the coast - be safe!  I'll be praying for you!

For my North Jersey wimps.... Really???  Come on guys - as tough as we Jersey folk are, we should be looking Irene in the face & say bring it on.........

In all seriousness, be smart and stay safe.  If you genuinely need help and can get to us, come on over - our door's always open :)

And remember, if God wants you...  He doesn't need a little hurricane to take you.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Saga of a recovering Catholic

Hi, I'm Jenn & I'm a Cath-o-haulic...

Before anyone gets all mad at me - I WAS raised in the Catholic church.

I don't bring up religion or politics anymore, because I piss people off, sorry.

Today, I'm putting it out there in my very Jenn way :)

First, I want to say - I am Christian.
I genuinely hope that statement isn't shocking to anyone.  I also hope that even though I don't always properly walk the line - I haven't ever said or done anything that would prompt someone to say SHE IS???  I am admittedly a work in progress.

I was raised in the Catholic religion.  Catholic school & all...  And like most Catholic school girls - I rebelled!  The priests were none too pleased with me when my friends and I, in the 4th grade, formed a posse of "why aren't there any altar girls??"  Yeah, that went over like a lead balloon in the 70's!

I did it all though, I was a good little Catholic girl; church every Sunday, confession once a week, penance.  I did as I was told & tried to obey the rules as they were set before me.  Partially because I truly believe in God and wanted to make him happy, but also because I was scared to death of the nuns!  Man, those women were brutal!!  A classmate who sat next to me in grammar school was left handed.  That poor thing got slapped across the knuckles & was forced to write with the other hand.  I also remember a public school kid (the horror, lol) being slapped across the face during communion practice because he was nervous & laughed.  Holy crap!  Yeah - I was scared, but I survived.

I also sent Kyle to Catholic school - because that was best, right??
I didn't even question my religion until I went through my divorce with Kyle's father.

During that time, the rose colored glasses were literally ripped off my face.  The second I became a "divorcee" - the other mommies held on to their husbands a little tighter and avoid me like the plague.  They stopped calling me for lunch, stopped including me in PTA events & stopped having my son for play dates.  I couldn't believe that during such an awful time I was abandoned by the people I looked to for support - so I went to talk to the Pastor.  He wasn't much help.  I asked for help with Kyle, nope.  I inquired about an annulment & was told I could not have one, because I had a child of the marriage - BUT if I filled out the paperwork & paid the $1600 fee they would take it under consideration...  REALLY??  That along with other incidents, which I won't go into - were the beginning of the end for me.  Suddenly the Catholic church wasn't looking so shiny & bright to me.  It looked shallow, unkind & mean spirited.  I abandoned all faith.  I quit going to church & felt lost.

It was an incredibly dark time in my life.

Then I met my husband.  He also went to the Catholic church, but came from a family who converted to Evangelism, so he was DEAD SET on NEVER switching his religion.  No problem - you do your thing, I'll do mine.

After a while, he & I became closer and married.  I knew there was something missing in my life.  I started to explore other faiths, other churches - anything.  Then my cousin told me, "Jenn, just go find a good Bible teaching church."  (Thanks Cathy)  I always admired the cute white church on the hill.  So, being the internet geek I am, I emailed the pastor and asked of the church's beliefs.  We attended a service and that has been our home & family ever since.  The pieces all fell together & finally fit!

And gasp, it's not a Catholic church!

Stan & I regularly have banter (usually after a few cocktails) with regard to the teachings of the Catholic church compared to the teachings of our church.  There's no winner.  We both believe that Jesus is our Lord & Savior and we believe in what the Bible teaches.  That's usually where it ends.  He understands my struggle and I respect his line of thinking as well.

There are many things that will stick with me forever, like the terms "mortal sin" and "purgatory".  Heck I even had my daughter baptized in the Catholic church (when I was no longer Catholic) because I was still brain washed into believing that if I didn't run out and have her baptized immediately, if something awful happened - her little soul would stay in purgatory because she wasn't cleansed of the original sin.

No offense to my devout Catholic friends ...  Some of you have a wonderful experience - and I am happy for you.  This is MY experience.

Personally, I'll forever remain a recovering Cath-o-haulic.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Impatience, not a virtue??

I’m not patient, there – I’ve said it!

If my husband is reading this, his jaw probably just hit the ground – because I’ve yet to admit this out loud.  (You can pick your jaw back up now honey.)

I remember a few years back when my son’s friend Christian was at our house & I said Ok guys, let’s go.  I could hear Kyle from the room saying, “No, Christian – you don’t understand – when my mom says let’s go, that doesn’t mean we have 10 more minutes – it means she’s walking out the door.”  At least my kids know.

Don’t knock it – I fully expect to reciprocate.  If you ask me for something, I will drop whatever I’m doing & take care of it for you.  It works both ways…  See, I’m not a total spoiled brat….

I genuinely don’t have patience with quite a few things – while I can easily deal with traffic & screaming kids…  I have absolutely NO patience with the cold cut line or the people who pretend to not hear you say EXCUSE ME three times in the grocery store when you’re trying to pass by.  I just can’t do it.  It’s gotten to the point where my husband does the grocery shopping to save that $15 I would spend at Shoprite.com… 

This behavior of mine drives many people crazy.  Sorry, I don’t mean anything by it.  It’s just me.  When I call or email, I expect an instant response…  If I I don't get it, I'm asking again.  If wanted it in 10 minutes, I’d ask you 10 minutes from now…  (and I wonder where my kids get it from, lol)

Ok, Ok – it’s still a little bratty of me.  I don't see the problem...  It's not like I haven't given fair warning...

Have a happy day!!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Because your mother said so!!

Ladies, as women - we all know this phrase means exactly the opposite.  At least it did for me, when I was a teenager.

I was incredibly blessed to have had two great dads growing up.  My dad & my step-dad.

My relationship with my step-dad was not fabulous while I was growing up, but there were points in my childhood where he did take a genuine interest in my life. In the 10 years before he died, he was every bit as close with me as my real dad was, and I miss him terribly.

I mention all of this because if my dad(s) said something, liked someone, didn't like someone - that carried real weight with me.  I'd broken up with many a boy that either my dad or step dad (whom I will refer to as Poppie from here on) didn't like.

Not really my dad.

My dad was very laid back & easy going.

Poppie was former Navy, rigid - Archie Bunker type. 

At 16 years old, a boy came to the front door for me.  He was very respectful. He rang the doorbell, introduced himself and asked for me nicely and I all I heard was "get the bleep outta here" SLAM.  I came running down the stairs wondering what was going on.  All I got was - "get upstairs!"  (expletives removed)

Seems the boy had a mustache, at 15.  Whoops.... 

Poppie wanted me to bring home a nice blonde hair, blued eye boy - perhaps Irish or Polish, lol.

My dad was never so forward and not at all sensitive to how someone looked or their heritage (though a nice Dutch boy would have been nice) - but he definitely let me know if there was someone he didn't approve of, or like for one reason or another.  He also let them know in his own way as well.

I didn't much like that, but it was what it was.

However, if my mother liked someone, it was the kiss of death (for him not me).

BUT - If she hated a guy, that meant quick run out and marry him.

 

Yeah, that didn't work out so well for me in the past.

I don't know if it's a female thing or what... A wise person once said that there is no house big enough to hold two strong minded women.

All of this makes me wonder... How will MY daughter will be with me in a few years?

It scares me to think about.

Personally, I believe I've got the Great American Bitch Off won - hands down...  But how will this sweet little darling punish me for my "sins" to the mother..

Will I escape the "I hope you get one just like you" curse???  It's not looking good, so far, I'll have to admit.

Like me, my little girl is all about her daddy.  So I will have to learn to keep my mouth shut and let her daddy handle it.

Daddy's got his line all picked out and ready "Son, I don't mind going back to the joint.  My little girl comes home as she left... got it?"  (no, he's never been in jail - sounds good though, doesn't it?)

Every once in a while he'll lay down the law & throw a "do it because your mother said so" - but I'm thinking that is not so much a "command" than a dare that has been laid out for MY future....

Lord help me now :)

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

Tribute to my dad on what would be his 69th birthday...

I’m sitting here at my computer listening to Pink Floyd & suddenly noting the separation of sound between speakers & silly enough – that brings a smile to my face.  It’s these type of things that help me to keep my dad alive in my heart on a regular basis.

Not many of you on here knew my dad & there’s only a few on here who knew my dad “when”.  My daddy was very “Peace, Love & Tie-Dye”, definitely not your conventional dad.  He was a “Dead Head” and a bit of a stoner.  He was also a very loving, peaceful, generous and kind soul – sort of lost in life.  Say what you want, he was my daddy & I idolized him.

It was my dad that taught me love & acceptance of others.  Not to see color when you look at people & that every person has a story.  If their story is sad, make them happy.  And that love is love - give it freely, give it often & give it with all your heart.  Giving love will only make you more beautiful.  He also taught me music – all of it.  Not just what was popular – all of it.  I can clearly remember being about, I don’t know… 7, maybe…  and my dad coming to the living room (probably stoned, as I reflect back) and he sat in his chair.  I sat on the foot stool beside him & he had me listen to Edgar Winter’s Frankenstein, lol.  I can clearly remember him telling me – “Ok, Jenny – listen to this part – it will BLOW YOUR MIND”  ha ha…  Of course, I had no clue what he was talking about, but I made sure to fall off the foot stool in an attempt to have it “blow my mind” lol   I was probably also the youngest participant at the Pink Floyd "Animals" concert at Madison Square Garden (with a contact high).  Daddy wanted me to experience music.  I'm so thankful for that.

Some people may be horrified to read this some of this, but it was a different time… the 70’s (eek)   

It may not have been everyone’s normal, but it was my normal.

This was my foundation.  It may not have been conventional, but it was built on love, a little bit of crazy and whole lot of music; Mickey Hart, Pink Floyd, Grateful Dead, Edgar Winter, Queen and anything else that would blow my dad’s mind :o)

That’s how I remember my daddy…  He was the best.

This one’s for you, Daddy – Happy Birthday in Heaven.  Thank you for all you taught me.  I hope I make you proud!  I love you to the moon & back, forever & ever!

~My wish for every woman/girl – I hope you will always see the sun shining all around your daddy when you look at him. 

~For every dad – I hope your little girl will always looks at you with a twinkle in her eye.   

Peace, Love and Tie-Dye all!

Thank you for reading my blog.

xoxo

~Jenn

for my dad

I know that I've got issues, but you're pretty messed up too!

Yeah that's right, I said it - I have issues!  Duhhhhh.....

If not for MY issues, you fine people wouldn't be reading this little blog of mine :)

Oh, I fully admit that my head is definitely NOT screwed on too tight - don't judge.

Have you checked yourself lately??

Oh - well please, let me turn that little mirror of judgement around so you could see yourself better.

Seeee ISSUES!  Ha!  We've all got 'em!

One of my biggest is "control".

My brother, Darren & I share this one (to a high degree).  Fortunately for all of those around us, we are also both smart enough to know there is only so much you can actually control in this life.  So we control what we know we can, like where the remote control is SUPPOSED to sit on the table (DARREN).  Between this line & this line & don't flippin' move it!  Ha!

For me, it's the toilet paper roll - it MUST come up over the top.  If someone turns it the other way, it just freaks me out.  My friends used to have great fun with that.  Ohhh, don't you worry - there are many, many more - but I don't have that kind of time to type.  :)  It really could be worse.

I actually find the humor in all of this, really.

My husband will have no problem telling you all how anal I am & then HE will re-arrange MY kitchen because it didn't make sense.  Uh - get the hell out of my kitchen if you want to eat!

Ha Ha ... see   I S S U E S ! ! !

This is what makes it easier for me to deal with other people's issues.  Believe me, I know I drive people nuts.  I'm a total whack job sometimes - it comes with the rest of the Jenn Package.

So take me or leave me.  I know that I've got issues - but you're pretty messed up too!!

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

(Revised & re-run from August 11, 2011)

No, honey - that's not the fan. I'm speaking....

It's taken many years, but I've finally learned what it means when they say women talk in color and men talk in black & white.

Clearly by amount of words I use in my blog, I've not learned (nor care to learn) how to talk in black and white on a regular basis.

I will forever want to twirl around in a pretty, pretty dress and talk in pretty, pretty colors.


My women folk will hear me, but people like my husband will hear whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh...

Oh no, this is real - I've practiced both methods of "speak".  I've had a conversation (with my husband) in "man speak" using very (very, very) few words & then I've had a full conversation.

During my "conversation" of few words, he heard me and responded appropriately.

During my actual conversation, I chatted away and then noted the far away look in his eyes where his thoughts probably drifted from, I'm hungry, to I think I'll wash the car, to should I mow the lawn, to Ooh look - cleavage.

Then the conversation ended with an "Uh huh. What did you say dinner was again???"

Um, I didn't - but thanks for playing.

Frustrating, yes - wrong, no.

It's just one of the many differences between men & women.

Well at least I get it now.  I spent a lot of needless time annoyed that I wasn't getting proper attention, when all I needed to do was to translate properly; write down all I wanted to say and then pull out any superfluous words - which was most of them and grunt.

If not, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh....

For any of the men who've gotten all the way through my pretty, pretty colors - thank you for reading.

If I've lost you somewhere around cleavage - Food ready.

Have a colorful day!
Thank you for reading my blog.

~Jenn

Why did I come in here again??

You may have noticed that the print on my blog has gotten considerably larger since my first posting.

That would be because I have officially reached that stage in my life where my arms are too short, the print is too small and I can't see a darn thing.

How the heck did this all happen anyway???  Just the other day I was 20 something, or eh 30 something...  Well, whatever - so I'm doing a balancing act in the middle of the teeter totter - who cares??  Not me!  Age is just a number right??

I'll just keep reminding myself of that while I look a the size of my ever expanding butt in the mirror & rub cream into those eh hem "smile lines" of mine.

It could be worse, right??  There are so many positive things going on - I wrote them all down in my little notebook.  Crap where the heck did I put that.  Ok...  Oh, that's right - the notebook!  Let me get that.  Why am I in this room again??  Oh, to fold laundry...  Uh yeah....  I think the teeter totter has officially begun to tip to the other side and I'm starting to lose my balance!

So let's take inventory, shall we.  So far, I'm losing my eye sight.  I've lost my cute little chippie figure.  I've got all these new stupid little lines on my face and oh - did I mention to those pesky gray hairs...  No, of course not - I forgot!

To add insult to injury, while interviewing for job openings at my office - 3/4 of the candidates that apply for the job were born the year I graduated high school or later...  Ugh...

Mentally, I don't get it.  I genuinely believe that I can fit right in with the younger folk.  And while I'm thinking I'm incredibly cool - they're secretly rolling their eyes.  At least those young whipper snappers are polite :)

So here's to the old folk like us...  I SAID, HERE'S TO THE OLD FOLK LIKE US!

I swear, we'll still be the coolest bunch of seniors at the old folks home.  Right, dearie? 

Enjoy a beautiful day!!

Thank you for reading my blog.

~Jenn

"Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face" ~Truvy Jones "Steele Magnolias"

Walk softly, carry big wine....

If you are a male in this world, at some point in time you WILL be dealing with one of us hormonal "she folk".

There's no getting around it.

If you're young and haven't figured it out yet, take note - this is some real eye opening stuff.

I reflect back to an episode of Roseanne, where Dan runs into the house and is hurriedly trying to collect his stuff & get the door out unnoticed by Roseanne.

In the meantime he is stopped by his family & frantically says... Don't you know what today is???  And in a very Y M C A dance way, spells out the letters P.M.S.  Do you remember that???   (Click here for clip:  Roseanne)

Laugh now, you see that beautiful woman over there???  Secretly, she's Sybil.

No matter how hot she may be, no matter how sweet, no matter how young -- at some point in time, her head is going to spin around on her shoulders - ala the Exorcist & she is going to spew things at you that may shock and appall you, and you will never understand what triggered it.

Don't even bother...  We don't understand it either.

Insanity you say??  Let me lay it out for you...

Have you ever gone someplace & seen someone completely and totally freaking out, and there was nothing you could do about it?  Do you know that feeling?

Now - imagine that the person freaking out is you.  You know it's happening & there's absolutely nothing you can do about it...

That, dear man, is P.M.S.  Are you frightened yet?

I personally like to think that my husband and family got off easy.

For the most part, I'm (mostly) well behaved.  I give all the appropriate "leave me the heck alone" signs.  (though my family may strongly disagree)  If you are unlucky enough to have trampled on that stray nerve, watch out - You may awaken the beast & I will keep coming at you until everyone's day is miserable.  (I know you ladies are giggling because you know exactly what I'm talking about)

This is not a regular routine for me (thank God) but it is always a possibility.  I know I'm not alone.  You can't make this stuff up.

If you're smart - you'll just stay away or quickly throw some nice Swiss dark chocolate and a bottle of red wine my way and head for the hills.

My behaviors, I'm told, are nothing compared to others I've heard about...  I knew a woman who would go on depression shopping sprees during PMS, and drop hundreds or even thousands of dollars & she was still mean!

To top it all off, because we all know not to shop while hormonal, she would either give the stuff away, donate it or let it sit in the back of a closet somewhere.  Untouched.

Yup, it's insanity, but that's our insanity...  Don't try to figure it out - just let it be.  You've been warned.

Walk softly, carry BIG wine!

Or, as Vada Sultenfuss says to her friend Thomas J. in the movie "My Girl", "Get outta here! And don't come back for five to seven days"

Thanks for reading my blog!

Have a sane day :)

~Jenn