Don't Quit

Those of you who are "in the know" of the stuff that's been going on in my life probably got a little chuckle out of the title of this blog.

If you know me personally, you also know that I'm incredibly persistent and have a ridiculously long fuse.

I put up with "stuff", way longer than the average human on this planet would ever consider.


I don't give up without a fight - on anything, ever.

That's been both good and bad, happy and sad, because along with that persistence and tolerance comes being taken for granted.

You'd think for a Jersey Girl that I'd be all tough - yeah, that's just on TV. This Jersey Girl is a big 'ol mush and, proud of it, and I don't change to suit anyone.  I am who I am the end.  I'm proud of the fact that I'm loyal, perhaps to a fault.  Do I get hurt sometimes, sure - who doesn't?

Especially when the people you think you can trust hit below the belt.

...and surprisingly - I'm not some depressive mess!

Why??  What's the point?  Life is short.  I'm happy and if this little thing over here is a source of sadness beyond anything that can be resolved, then I'll just move over to another spot for a while.

I have come to a personal cross roads in many areas of my life, all at once, which is even weirder for me.  Some things I can no longer ignore or just blow by.  Things that were always in front of my face, but I chose to ignore for whatever reason.

I'm a creature of habit.  I like things to be in order - consistent. This whole "jumping blindly into the void" isn't my style.  When you just can't deal with something any longer, what do you do?

After all, one person can only do so much before it becomes - well, just sad.

In some situations where my feelings had been hurt, I took a a giant step backwards out of the situation.  Some people cared, others didn't.  Can't help that - that's on them, not me.  Again, one person can only do so much and I matter too.  No matter how much you may care about somebody or something, you get tired of feeling taken for granted.  I can see virtual feathers getting ruffled already, but not all of you fine folks know what's been going on in my life.

I've struggled with things from every angle, it seems.  Some big things, others not so much.  Either way, it's prompted some really heavy conversations with the "Big Guy."  No, not my husband - the REALLY Big Guy.

On one morning I hopped in the shower & started having my little chat with God.  Don't laugh - that's my favorite chatting spot.  It's quiet, I'm relaxed & heck - God made me naked anyway.  It's what works for me.  I always start off by apologizing for not staying in touch as well as I should and then go on.

Being at this cross roads I feel confused about some things.  So I started to ask God for his opinion, for his guidance.  "OK, so now what?  What's the plan,God?  What should I be doing?"  I also mention, "Remember, I'm blond God, so You know that subtlety doesn't work for me.  Slap me upside the head signs would be incredibly helpful."

Sunday morning started first, with an email that clarified some issues that had me really distressed. Things that have been plaguing me most of my life, but I've let roll off my back.  You can't change other people, you can only change yourself. This email shined a light into a different direction to give me something to think about.  It also gave me a little boost to an area that felt kicked down.

THEN...to church.  We had a guest preacher.  A young Hispanic man from an urban area, a wonderful - very real speaker.  The title of is sermon for the day..."Don't Quit."

Seriously!

I looked at my husband, he looked at me and we laughed. He, of course, knows my issues - since he deals with them first hand & thankfully none the "stuff" directly involves him.  As the preacher spoke, he hit on each of the items that I've been stressing over one thing at a time - as if he'd received a direct memo from the Big Guy:  Here ya go bud, THIS is what Jenn needs to hear today.  I was completely slack jawed as he continued, until I was finally moved to tears.

My morning shower conversation had been heard - loud & clear.  Thanks, Big Guy!  I've been given the direction of Don't Quit, with further clarification - which meant quite a lot.

For me, right now in my life -it's good to take a step back and look at everything.  To again, check the status of things around me.  Check myself.  Take the time to get my heart good with me.  To matter to me.

Road Blocks & Cross Roads are just little park benches to collect myself.  It's OK to hang out at the cross roads.  It's OK to not quit, to not give up - and to maybe take that step back and let others pick up the lead.  Because I can't do it all, and I shouldn't do it all and I DO matter.

And if I have noticed that an area of my life has truly expired - it IS OK to say thank you and to let it go....

To always remember that where a door slams shut, a window opens.

Thank you all for your continued support & for reading my blog!!

Smoochies!

~Jenn