Some things make me very sad....

If you haven't been reading from the beginning, or never caught the reference- my husband and I are foster parents.

We are beginning to slow down now, because frankly - I'm tired.  I love the kids - but it's just getting to be too much for me these days.

We are in contact with a few of the kids that have passed through our home & have wonderful relationships with them and their families.  I love the ability to see when they've moved on to a good place.

Sometimes, things do make me sad though.

We got to see a few of our babies recently.  Bio Mom & Dad were there as well.  They do not have custody of these babies & there aren't any hard feelings harbored in any direction.  They know we loved their babies, and we know they just couldn't do it.  Not everyone can.

Being an outsider looking in - but with a heart for the babies, I got to see so much.  It became glaringly obvious why these parents couldn't have their kids.

When we first started fostering, depending upon the situation, I used to advocate for the parents.  I'd take care of the babies, but I would also do my best to work with the moms for the best interest of their kids.  I feel that if this is the undertaking I am going to be involved in, I need to be open to all possibilities.

This is actually the case that broke my heart & caused me to open my eyes and really look.  To not be so trusting and naive & to toughen up.

I my friends am a total and complete mush!

If you don't know this about me - I always try to be "Princess Save the World."  I genuinely want to help people who need to be helped and I take it very hard when I can't help someone.  I take it even harder when I give my all, only to find out these people have been playing me.  My fault, I trusted them - I know.

I still truly believe that most people are inherently good.

Deep down, underneath all the crap - there's a sparkling heart of gold waiting to surface.  Why I think I'm the one who can dig through all the crap to surface it is beyond me, but I try.

These parents very clearly love their children.  You can see the love, even through their random melt downs, hands shaking, clearly either high or "Jonesing" for a high.

The love is there, it's just buried under the crap.

The babies already understand what's going on & they try to stay away from the Bio's.

This broke my heart for Bio's as they chased the kids down.  

Longing for their love.

It goes back to what I said in a prior post - If you can't love yourself, you can't properly love someone else.

Those babies are in good hands now with their wonderful and caring relatives.  They are well loved.  I feel blessed to be able to see that.

Of course, we'd have kept them in a heartbeat, but they belong with their family.


I wish there were more I could do for the Bio's.  Seeing them makes me feel sad, but knowing those babies are so well loved makes my heart sing with joy.

We know that we've done as we were called to & we are being rewarded by continuing in their lives.


For this, I am truly thankful.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn