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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Friends?

I haven't blogged regularly on this page lately.
Mostly because things like the title of this particular blog would set some people in my "real" life into orbit, deciding this blog MUST be about them.  It is my hope that by now, those people have fallen off and don't bother with my blog posts.  Fingers crossed.  :)


Friendship / false friends seem to be the theme in many of the posts I've seen across Facebook lately.  Not by men, but by women of course.  I don't say that as a negative to either of our sexes - but to the reality that we women are deeply emotional, feeling beings.  Men just shrug it off and have a beer.  It would be so nice to not feel sometimes, wouldn't it?

My old boss, a man, once told me "Jenn, not everyone is you FRIEND.  Just because you know someone doesn't make them your friend.  It makes them your acquaintance.  Friendship is earned and very few people are actually your friends."  Never was a statement more true spoken.

The posts I've seen the most speak to the loss of friendships of those that were thought to be true, loving, close as sisters friends.  Sadness of the loss of a relationship gone bad.  It's almost like mourning the death of a loved one.  It's really very sad.

I understand the pain of this type of loss.
While there are a few "friendships" I am relieved to have learned the truth about, there are a few that even though I have learned are bad for me, I do still mourn the loss of.

Is it a thing when you get to a certain age?
Is it that now that I am "this age" I know who I am and what I will and will not tolerate from another person?  Does it become a time where enough is enough and you move along?

Why now?

I don't ever remember feeling this way when I was younger.  Everything seemed to roll right off my back.  Ok, so this friend ditched me... no problem.  Let's call....whomever.  I had a ton of friends.  Or at least I thought I did.

I guess at this stage of the game I expect that if "Suzy" says she'll be at my house at 7, "Suzy" will be there.  If "Suzy" isn't there, she'll let me know in advance or at very least why she wasn't and/or accept responsibility for the situation.  Not say hey... ya know what, if you didn't ..... I'd have been there and ya know what you should just understand that and get over it.


I'm trying to exercise discretion related to an inbox session between myself and an online friend, who was recently treated badly by another friend.  Instead of the other friend just saying "I'm sorry," she turned the situation around to put it on my friend making the situation her fault.  Immature.

I'm getting off track, but acknowledging a situation (how'd I do?)

It's really all about TRUST.  The number one key factor in any relationship.

At a certain point, we should expect that the people we've chosen to love and hold in our hearts as true friends ARE true friends.  People you can trust.  People who you will know who YOU are and not get all weird about stupid stuff online or rumors circulating around town.  Real friends will CONFRONT this issue and say, "Hey... I heard...  or I saw...  What's that all about?  Are you OK?"  OR - "Hey, you really hurt me."  (If they've actually felt hurt by something you've said/done directly to them.)  It seems that if you invest the time into another person, especially years, that the other person should know who you are and respect both you and your friendship enough to not only know the truth, but to come to YOU if there's any confusion.  Why is that so hard?



I'm someone who loves with all that I have inside of me.  I'm loyal and protective.  I will do anything for my friends.  I make every effort to be involved in their lives, even if I can't see them every day.  I will defend their honor, even if I don't say so, and I will remain true to them.  Yup, just like an old dog.  :)  BUT hurt me once and I shut down.  I can/will forgive given a little time to heal.  Hurt me twice, I'm done.  I totally shut down, walk away, slam the door and lock it.  Not because I don't forgive, but because I respect myself enough to not tolerate negativity toward me.  Maybe that's not the best way to go about it, but it's what works for me.

It's funny, as I type this - although I'm writing a story about someone else's situation - it feel so personal to ME.  It feels like MY story and my mourning.  Maybe some of it is.

...Some things you just never get over.

Even when you know the relationship can no longer grow and prosper.  The loss can still be devastating.

Not just for marriage, but friendship too.
And even when you walk away, out of self preservation, the other person may NEVER see what was done or how you feel.

That may be the saddest thing of all.

Friendship IS a love relationship.  Something to hold dear.  To cherish.  To nurture & protect.

Honor your friendships.  Honor your friends.

True friends and people who genuinely love YOU are hard to come by.

Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

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