The fact is that since I was diagnosed with Lupus & went through my whole medication roller coaster - weight gain has been a tremendous issue for me.
That, coupled with a hypo-active thyroid makes it virtually impossible to get weight off and keep it off.
Well, that and the fact that I like ice cream. I REALLY like ice cream.
|Well, damn it.. I think I will! Hmmpf!|
Seriously... I was totally kicking ass at dieting and kick boxing - but then this Lupus crap suddenly sucked all the energy from my body - leaving me absolutely exhausted. I haven't kick boxed for MONTHS and that sucks, because I love it.
I'll piss an moan for another second then I'll move along....
Last year around this time, I'd lost more than 25 lbs by exercising and watching what I eat. I know, right. :) Anyway -- It took me several months of really hard work and dieting to get those pounds off my body. I felt good. I looked better and I was happy with how I was beginning to look and feel. And then the friggin' Lupus energy drain. Well that was fun while it lasted.
I had a conversation with someone a while back. I have to phrase this delicately so no one reading can trace the source or the subject. I don't want to get anyone in trouble. Anyway, in this conversation the person I was speaking with was referring to another individual, stating they had body dysmorphic disorder because what they saw in the mirror didn't match what they appeared to this person as. More specifically, the person being described was overweight (sorta like me) but constantly stated she was a size 5. This was annoying to the person I was conversing with.
I think that it's AWESOME to be able to look in the mirror and see awesome looking back at you - no matter what your size.
We ALL struggle with something to some degree or another; too fat, too skinny, flat chested, big tummy, fat thighs, no ass, wrinkles, acne, bad hair, too much hair... what-friggin-ever!
I'd rather be able to look in the mirror and smile, than look in the mirror and be horrified.
Who cares what anyone else thinks?
I'm not, by any means, saying body dysmorphic disorder is a good thing - because in some cases, when it's extreme, it can be really awful.
|Do you understand what I'm saying?|
I wasn't always a super skinny mini growing up. I mean, yeah - in high school I was a size zero - but mostly in my 20's I fluctuated from size zero to size 10. I was never super skinny all the time, and when I was fat - I didn't know it until some a'hole pointed it out to me.
Back then. I cared. Back then, I really cared. Back then, I didn't have the life I have now.
Now, I'm a pretty lucky chick, and I'm incredibly grateful for that.
Do I have the perfect body? No. I do not. Who cares?
Truth... even if I worked day and night and ate lettuce every day - I would still not have a swim suit perfect body.
Sure, I could go under the knife & have it sucked out and nipped and tucked and pulled and whatever - but I don't want to.
I am blessed. I am happy with who I am and what I have.
I don't want what you have. I don't want what you think you took from me - because I have all I need & if there's something I really want - I still have it.
I don't need to stress over 5, 10 or 20 lbs. I don't care if you think I'm fat. I don't need to care - because as far as I'm concerned - I have it all!
This, my friends - is the attitude that I have taken on.
Yes, I still diet and exercise. I'll always be dieting and exercising. I'm getting O.L.D. I want to be healthy, not skinny. I'm pretty certain that Victoria's Secret isn't coming to knock on my door to beg me to do a cover shot, so I will eat the ice cream. You should too.
Now, go on over to the mirror and look past that zit on your chin. If you keep looking you will see that you're pretty friggin' awesome! All of you!
And if you don't think so....
Get your butt over to that mirror.
Smile at that awesome individual looking back at you and tell them... OUT LOUD...
Why are you still here?? Go! <3
Love you to bits and pieces <3
Thank you for reading my blog!!