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Wednesday, June 18, 2014

The "talk" that changes how one person views another...

I am often inspired to blog based on my dirty little pleasure, the Real Housewives TV shows.

Last night, on Real Housewives of NYC, the topic leading to next week's very juicy episode is...

Ta Daaaa:  GOSSIP

In this particular episode of Housewives, a traveling facialist (is that even a word?) was at the home of the prominent Sonja Morgan, doing her thing and talking up a storm about some of the other women.  She went on discussing the things she'd "heard" in her travels about the women and their friends.  Horrific stuff, actually...but whatever.

The point is that even though the women knew that some of the stuff this facialist was spouting was complete and total BS, they gave it pause.  They questioned what they knew, based upon what was told to them, to the point that they went and verified the truth to be double darn sure what they heard was BS.

Crazy??  Maybe, but this is what gossip does.

It's one of the most relationship damaging things there is and it never, ever, ever goes away.

Have you ever been a victim of gossip??

OF COURSE YOU HAVE!  I believe everyone has at one time or another.  Even if you're not aware of it, someone, somewhere has looked at you and whispered to another... "Oh MY gosh, will you LOOK at those shoes he/she's wearing?  Who wears that?  What a BLEEP."
Or you're out to lunch with a co-worker or business contact of the opposite sex & are seen by someone who knows you're married and BAM - you're having an affair.

Welcome to the beginning of gossip.

Just like that.


Imagine there's someone you don't particularly care for, who absolutely DOES NOT like you. Imagine that this person shares their feelings of you to another person, who may not know you at all. Imagine that this person's view of you is now forever colored by what the other person has said about you.

Sucks, doesn't it?

I am NOT, by any stretch of the imagination claiming sainthood.  I'm as guilty as they come at times.  I try my best to zip it and keep it zipped, but from time to time I say something I shouldn't, or wish I hadn't.  I believe we can all say, been there - done that.  It's not always intentional, but that doesn't change the situation.  When what's said is said.

While in some cases, yes - the talker is absolutely intending to put a negative spin on a situation to  change the way you feel about another person, sometimes it's not meant to be mean spirited or intentional.  Sometimes it's just venting.  Sometimes it's just talk.

..The "talk" that changes how one person views another, because how it's received is based on the perspective of the person hearing what is being said.

Think about that.

You could say one simple thing to another about someone else, even if it's just out of your concern of the person you are speaking of and the person receiving the information could take it an entirely different way.  Whether you intend for it to be that way or not.

As I've said repeatedly, I am incredibly naive.
When someone who I think is my friend says something to me about another person, I do give some credence to it.  I do sometimes allow it to color how I think about something.  So much so, that in the past I've acted upon the things which were told to me and allowed other instances to build until it blew up into something ridiculous.  That situation is one that I've come to regret, and something that I have taken as a lesson learned.

It IS incredibly easy to be colored by the things others tell you.  Especially when it comes from someone you trust and the situation being discussed seems like it may be plausible.  Just a little twist of the truth, a few manufactured untruths and you've turned that hard working single mom into a slut who neglects her kids.

It's just that easy.

Who knew a mindless "reality" program could cause such deep thought?

Please take this, all of it, as food for thought.

Gossip is a relationship wrecker!

How sad is it to think that you could have an amazing friendship or relationship with someone, but you stay away based upon something someone else said & the preconceived notion you may have received of that person.  EVEN WHEN YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT'S REAL.

Think about it...
Because you never know when you will be on the receiving end of the "talk".  You never know who's judging you by what's been told to them.  HOW AWFUL would it be to be talked about and judged forever by the worst thing you've ever done in your life?  Or talked about and judged by a word and / or situational twist to color perception?

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  1. How dare you call any of "The Real Housewives Of...." Mindless. This comment confirms what I've heard about you!

  2. Isn't that the truth! You would think that the gossip stops in high school but nope... it continues on throughout your life (and sometimes your mother "accidentally" contributes to the gossip). I think it's all in how you deal with it though. You just have to realize that the people who are talking about someone are most likely talking about you and that no "friendship" states that it's "friendly" to spill your friends secrets, or make derogatory comments about them to someone else. Love it or leave it!


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