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Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Homewrecker is as homewrecker does...


As usual, this is a difficult blog post for me to write, having edited it several times to (try to) keep my post positive and meaningful, while getting my point across, without sounding judgmental and without having people in similar situations thinking I'm directing it at them....

Whew...  Seems like entirely too much doesn't it??

Today I'm writing this for and inspired by one of my "little friends" growing up.  Of course, even though she's cute and tiny, she's no longer "little."  She's all grown up now with a family of her own.  A family that has been raked across hot coals because of some selfish s.o.b. who didn't stop to think of others.  Didn't stop to think of a family.  Didn't stop to think of children.  Only cared about themselves.  Selfish, selfish, selfish.


I will never claim to have lived a lily white existence.
I've made plenty of mistakes in my life.  I have also had my mistakes thrown up in my face by others who've sinned differently, and I didn't appreciate it.  I try my best to reserve judgment.
Who the hell am I, right? 

Today, I stand on the soap box of someone who wants to protect.

When I was single, I was of the opinion that there are enough single men around - leave the married ones alone.  Especially if that married one has children.  I was fooled once, but it wasn't serious and I got the hell outta dodge once I realized there was a wife.  Marriage is sacred and if there are kids, it's a family.  No one else belongs poking their face in there.  Agree or not, that's how I feel.

I'm not going to pretend that I don't know other people in those situations.  While I don't promote it, I have no business looking down my nose at them - so I don't.

Except now... now there's this beautiful "little friend" of mine 
who is destroyed after many, many years.
DESTROYED.
She had a life.  She had a family.
She thought she had her forever until I die.
Then someone came along, wanted what she had 
and robbed her of her husband, her kids of their father.
Her dream shattered by someone she calls a "home wrecking whore."


In her shoes, do you blame her?
I can't say that I do.  If I found out that my husband disregarded me, disregarded our children, our life - threw it all away - I couldn't be kind either.

Sure, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for three seconds, because I could have been fooled at one time.  Not all individuals in these situations know the truth, because let's face it - if someone wants to cheat - they will.  They will say and do anything to get the other person to see their way; he/she's psycho, he/she drinks, he/she beats me, he/she does drugs, he/she is having an affair.  Whatever.  Maybe it's true sometimes, but when it's not...there comes a time when the truth surfaces.  What then?

What happened to integrity?

I grew up in a broken home.  I won't tell the secrets of my life growing up.  I will only say that it made an impact on me.  This type of situation DOES make an impact on the kids.  It does make an impact on your reputation and it DOES make an impact on how people view you.

Regardless of what you choose to believe!

Newsflash...Those children, the children of the marriage / family you interrupted will NEVER look at you with love and respect.  No matter what you've chosen to believe.  They may seem to act kindly to you in front of their parent, out of love to that parent, but they will always look at YOU as the person who wrecked their family.  Wrecked their happy existence.  Wrecked THEIR life.  Regardless of what you have chosen to believe.

And that becomes something that's on YOU forever.

So think again.
Did you pick up on the "choose to believe" references??
You can only fool yourself for so long.
 
Moving on is not working it out, it's putting a band aid on your temporary issue.
If it's not fixed, it's only bound to re-surface.
Think about it.

Honor your marriage.  Honor your partner.  Honor your family.  When you say forever, mean it.

The person on the other side of the marriage, you have a choice.  You ALWAYS have a choice.

Remember, Karma....

To my beautiful "little friend"  I wish you strength.  I wish you peace and I send love and hugs to you and your babies.

Go be happy, because happiness is the best revenge.

**  PS.  As an aside I don't, on any level, place all the blame on the "home wrecker" it takes two to tango & the one wearing the ring should be held most accountable.  But...a sin is a sin is a sin.
It's about integrity all the way around, AND it's about the kids.  From an adult "kid" - you don't forget.

Thank you all for reading my blog!

~Jenn


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15 comments:

  1. very good Jenn!! and i always says the same thing HAPPINESS IS THE BEST REVENGE!!!

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  2. I dealt with this personally, and there are so many views about it that I chickened out of writing the post! I am glad you did! I feel the blame falls on both the hw and the husband - and I am so sorry your "little friend" and her children are dealing with this - IT IS NOT FAIR! <3 Totally Jessifiable

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    1. Jessica, do you have a blog?

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    2. http://totallyjessifiable.wordpress.com/

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    3. Jessica, I had to write & re-write this several times to not react in anger, in a situation that's not mine. I'm so sorry for anyone who's had to deal with this on any level. It's NOT fair! You're right!
      Thank you for being here!

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  3. As one who has had two wives that decided to look for greener grass and knows only too well how devastating it is to find you've been played, used, abused and then brushed away I can say that initially it is so very hard, and then you realize that you were married to weak, unstable worthless selfish horrendous people who lied when ever it suited their desires and then you go on with your life, suck it up and find you are so much happier when you get to scrape that shit off your shoe.

    Yes, some marriages are like dog shit, they don't smell until it is disturbed and then the best thing to do is rid yourself of the stink. I am sure my children have been effected by these defective women, but they are better off by not living in a lie. And, fortunately, by all accounts they are thriving.

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    1. I'm sorry you had to scrape shit off you shoes! At least the new shoes got you walking to a better life <3 thank you for always supporting my blog!

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  4. And yes, the men they left for are both also defective ass holes. I would never in a million years mess with a person's family. Wife # 1 is now a confirmed miserable lonely wino. #2 is probably headed in the same direction.

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  5. I have been having a heck of a time posting / responding to comments here on my page.
    I can only comment from my phone.
    Please know all of your comments are important to me.
    I am trying to work this issue out.
    Thank you for your support!

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  6. Jenn, I couldn't agree with you more. I admire you for stepping out of your comfort zone and taking on a tough subject. The only possible thing for your "little friend" to do is to do what she needs to to get herself and her children in a better place and continue to live her life to the fullest -- as you and a previous commenter so wisely said, "happiness is the best revenge".

    P.S. I absolutely adore your blog! <3

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  7. I'm sorry for your friend and her children. I hope she understands that the infidelity is not a reflection of any short coming on her part.

    There are other ways if looking at this situation. I spent most of my life wishing my parents would divorce and find a better relationship. They both deserved to be happy. They finally divorced when I was 28 yo. My only regret is that by then they were tired & bitter and did not want to give romantic relationships another try.

    A big warning sign that things might be going in the wrong direction is when you start becoming emotionally intimate with someone whether at work, at the gym or even at your kids' soccer practice. When you start sharing details that compromise trust or respect for your partner then you are on a dangerous path. This is also a form of betrayal.

    People and situations do change. Sometimes infidelity is a one time mistake. But if you dread coming home and feel that you are living a lie you have to decide if you fight for it it let it go. Most times a couple can move forward together with the help of a therapist & better communication. And yet sometimes, the answer is to walk away.

    I know that in my case, the man I was attracted to at 18 yo is drastically different than the man I married at 27. Sometimes people make mistakes.

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  8. I have been divorced for a year now. My ex cheated on me . I'm now the single mother of 4 children with no support from their father. The best part is when his girlfriend is insecure because they are both cheaters. He's not allowed to talk to me and she acts like I'm the problem.... I laugh it off. People are idiots. I hurt for my kids but do the best I can.

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  9. I have see this situation go down before and it is devastating to the individual and the family. I can tell you this if this ever happens to me get ready for some throw down punches I don't play the HRwhore game very well. It takes two to tango so their would be two separate beatings. I have seen women go after married men because to them it is a sport and they want what they don't have and it is sad.If you are in a marriage that is not working for you then LEAVE. I left a marriage because I was not happy - left with my car and my clothes plus a few keepsakes my grandmother lefty me..I left him everything. Divorced and started a new life.

    Hugs to your "little friend"

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