As usual, this is a difficult blog post for me to write, having edited it several times to (try to) keep my post positive and meaningful, while getting my point across, without sounding judgmental and without having people in similar situations thinking I'm directing it at them....
Whew... Seems like entirely too much doesn't it??
Today I'm writing this for and inspired by one of my "little friends" growing up. Of course, even though she's cute and tiny, she's no longer "little." She's all grown up now with a family of her own. A family that has been raked across hot coals because of some selfish s.o.b. who didn't stop to think of others. Didn't stop to think of a family. Didn't stop to think of children. Only cared about themselves. Selfish, selfish, selfish.
I will never claim to have lived a lily white existence.
I've made plenty of mistakes in my life. I have also had my mistakes thrown up in my face by others who've sinned differently, and I didn't appreciate it. I try my best to reserve judgment.
Who the hell am I, right?
Today, I stand on the soap box of someone who wants to protect.
When I was single, I was of the opinion that there are enough single men around - leave the married ones alone. Especially if that married one has children. I was fooled once, but it wasn't serious and I got the hell outta dodge once I realized there was a wife. Marriage is sacred and if there are kids, it's a family. No one else belongs poking their face in there. Agree or not, that's how I feel.
I'm not going to pretend that I don't know other people in those situations. While I don't promote it, I have no business looking down my nose at them - so I don't.
In her shoes, do you blame her?
I can't say that I do. If I found out that my husband disregarded me, disregarded our children, our life - threw it all away - I couldn't be kind either.
Sure, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt for three seconds, because I could have been fooled at one time. Not all individuals in these situations know the truth, because let's face it - if someone wants to cheat - they will. They will say and do anything to get the other person to see their way; he/she's psycho, he/she drinks, he/she beats me, he/she does drugs, he/she is having an affair. Whatever. Maybe it's true sometimes, but when it's not...there comes a time when the truth surfaces. What then?
What happened to integrity?
I grew up in a broken home. I won't tell the secrets of my life growing up. I will only say that it made an impact on me. This type of situation DOES make an impact on the kids. It does make an impact on your reputation and it DOES make an impact on how people view you.
Newsflash...Those children, the children of the marriage / family you interrupted will NEVER look at you with love and respect. No matter what you've chosen to believe. They may seem to act kindly to you in front of their parent, out of love to that parent, but they will always look at YOU as the person who wrecked their family. Wrecked their happy existence. Wrecked THEIR life. Regardless of what you have chosen to believe.
Honor your marriage. Honor your partner. Honor your family. When you say forever, mean it.
The person on the other side of the marriage, you have a choice. You ALWAYS have a choice.
To my beautiful "little friend" I wish you strength. I wish you peace and I send love and hugs to you and your babies.
Go be happy, because happiness is the best revenge.
** PS. As an aside I don't, on any level, place all the blame on the "home wrecker" it takes two to tango & the one wearing the ring should be held most accountable. But...a sin is a sin is a sin.
It's about integrity all the way around, AND it's about the kids. From an adult "kid" - you don't forget.
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