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Monday, May 12, 2014

Do you value the friendships in your life?

Sometimes it's hard to write posts on delicate subjects without any red flags going up, or feathers becoming unduly ruffled.

I never want to betray confidences or let anyone think that my posts are directed at them. It's one of the things that makes putting my thoughts out on the "paper" of the internet difficult for me.

Disclaimers, Disclaimers.  Phooey!

There are so many common threads we all share in life, so much so that anyone reading could think - hey, that's me. There may be something going on in one area in my life, and my blog post will (intentionally) have absolutely NOTHING to do with that and 12 people will take offense.

I'm not going to get into the whole "I'll bet you think this post is about you" bit again, because that's already been played. People are going to believe what they want. I can't help that. My real friends should know that if I have a problem with them, I will always confront them directly, not passively aggressively attack via FB or Blog.

I know some of you other bloggers reading can relate.

Do you value the friendships in your life?

Do you really?

What does that look like to you?

What does it mean to you ?

I've long come to a point in my life that I know what's real and what's not; Who my friends are, who my acquaintances are and most importantly who my friends aren't. I've been hurt. I've been disappointed. I've learned who I can count on and who I can't. I've learned who values me and my friendship and who doesn't. I don't like to "play the game" but sometimes I do out of necessity.

This isn't about me.  It's about coming to the cross roads of a friendship.

Do you feel valued in your friendships?

Have you ever reached that crossroads point in a friendship? A time where you questioned everything you believed about a friendship you were in? The moment you asked yourself if this person is really your friend.
Sadly, not everyone is your friend.

Wow, that was strong, wasn't it?

The truth is that very few people will actually remain truly loyal to your friendship and stand by your side - value you - no matter what. People will easily fall to other relationships or follow the things that seem more attractive. Sometimes that needs to be OK.

I'd written in the past about how one friend was ostracized because she took her kids someplace special and a friend of hers, along with some of her other friends took offense because their children weren't invited. "They'd like to have gone." (YES, I know this seems like something else - but it's NOT.) Her friendship did heal from that incident, at least she thought it did, but it was never the same. The feeling of value was lost.

I don't believe people's paths cross for no reason. I believe that every one in your life is meant to be there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. It's hard to know at the instance the relationship forms.

Sometimes you need to go through the hurt to realize what you are, and aren't, prepared to deal with.

Sometimes you need lessons.

Is your friend a latecomer? Do you hate that because you're always on time?

Is your friend a party animal & you like to just hang on the couch with a glass of wine?

Do you not really mesh that well, but hang out because it became a habit?

These are all small examples - but these examples easily turn to resentment, In every relationship, all of that matters.

These are my thoughts, after I have long conversations on the subject.

If you care about a relationship, if you value it - you go out of your way to keep it in good order.
You make the calls. You accept responsibility for your actions. You say thank you. You say sorry, and mean it. Sometimes you pick up the tab instead of the other person always grabbing the check. It's a mutual love and caring. It's not just saying I love you, it's showing love. It's thinking of yourself less than another. Being selfless, instead of selfish. Sometimes putting another's need ahead of your own.

It's like caring for your plants. If you don't water them. They will die. Very few plants can survive neglect. Very few relationships / friendships can survive neglect.

So I ask you again...

Do you value the friendships in your life?
Do you really?
What does that look like to you?
What does it look like to your friend? 

Thank you for reading my blog!


(I was discreet enough)  :)

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