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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Give a damn's busted.

It's funny.  I started writing this sometime last year and it's been sitting in my "drafts" file waiting to be completed (along with about 45 other pending blog posts).
I browsed it over and I started laughing - because it's so true about where I am in my life right now.

Finally after years of trying to keep everyone happy, I've finally reached the "I don't give a crap" phase in my life.

'bout damn time!

I can hear that song blaring in my head... "I don't care... I LOVE IT."  (Are you listening with a British accent?)

I'm not quite sure when it happened, it sort of just snuck up on me.

One moment I was all about self redemption and trying to save face - caring all about what people though - the next minute, meh - *#%% 'em!  I've done all I can to keep things good, it is what it is.

...just like that.

No, really people, this is a big deal for me!

I've always been the person who just wants everyone to be happy and sing Kumbaya and to LIKE ME.  I didn't want to make people feel uncomfortable or be mad at me.  I just wanted complete serenity.  I let people walk all over me and did all I could, in my very over the top way to keep everyone happy, whatever.  Like it or not - real or not.

True - I've always been pretty blunt in my little life.  If I think it, I speak it.  I sometimes have a tendency to ask questions or say something that may be deemed inappropriate, without thinking.  Then I feel stupid for doing so.

The old me would overly apologize 75 different ways....  Now it's more "hey, how did you enjoy the show?"

I'm working on it.  I am who I am.  I'm not someone who seeks to harm.  I just want to have fun.  I know I act dumb sometimes.  OK....
If I embarrass anyone, it's usually myself.  As far as I can tell, that would be my problem, no one else's...

Same goes with others.  If they want to be foolish and act dumb - I don't care.  I don't need to care.  I don't want to care.  None of my business.

Where the heck was this I don't give a crap gene 20 years ago... I really could have used it!

Could it be that life has jaded me further??  That life's crap has finally piled up so high that I really just don't care anymore?  Partially true.
Hard to know for sure.

I'd rather just wash my hands of it all and stay the hell away.  I can't be bothered.  I have my own silliness I don't need anyone else's.  I'm too old for this crap!

In truth - I love my family, I love my friends & I still want everyone to be happy.  That's a given...

I know when a true apology is necessary and when I've actually done something that I NEED to be sorry for.  Silly stuff?  Get over it.  Be an adult.  If I have a problem with you, I'll tell ya - I expect the same.

Aside from that...I will always be my happy, friendly little self and I will always be me.
Like it or not...

Just sometimes - ya know - when I'm making an ass of myself - or maybe you...  the show will just go on, without apology.

'cuz my real friends know who I am.  They know I'm not out to hurt anyone.  I'm just here for the good time an then I'm moving along....

My give a damn's busted.  And ya know what???  I'm OK with that now.

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