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Monday, August 26, 2013

Sometimes you need to re-assess friendships & decide if they stay or go....

Have you ever been in a situation where you held onto a friendship much longer than you should have?

Sucks to even say that here, in print....

Sadly - sometimes you need to go back and analyze why it is that you've given some friendships so much care and attention.

Is it still a functioning friendship?  Was it ever?

...or did you talk yourself into the idea of an actual friendship when one didn't exist?

I'm naive.  I'm the type of person who misses cues.  In some ways, I'm just sort of dumb in this area.  I just go along my merry way thinking everything is sunshine and roses, when instead - it's actually rocks and thorns.  If I haven't heard from you - I don't think you're avoiding me.  I assume you're busy and will get back with me another time.  I need the very direct - "you suck, go away."

Maybe I'm overly secure... or just dumb.  I miss a lot...

** Oooh, let me throw a disclaimer in here before red flags go up....  My dear sweet beautiful friends, no worries...  Not me...  Not you...  Wrote this a while ago, don't remember why.  We good?? **

I have been in situations in the past, however, where I've put so much of myself into a friendship and it wasn't what I thought it was.  It happens to everyone at some point in time.  Right?

Friendship is meant to be a two way street.

Admittedly, I'm one of those people who give too much and am misunderstood.  I don't expect things in return, nor should I.  You don't do for people expecting a return. You do from your heart, or you don't do.  It's in expecting the return where you end up hurt and feeling taken advantage of.

In true love and friendship, trust is the glue that keeps you from feeling taken advantage of.  It's the part of your heart that knows you're receiving what you need and giving what the other needs.

There is a point, however, where you may be in a situation - as I had been in the (distant) past where I was giving from my heart.  Trusting in a friendship and giving for the joy of giving for the sole purpose of making another person happy.

...only to realize that NOTHING will truly make this other person happy.

This other person was just miserable.  Miserable with themselves and miserable in life.  Never showed love or appreciated anything.  This person will never be happy.  I know this to be fact.

It made me terribly sad to walk away and leave that friendship to die.  When you miss the cues - the times where people just don't want you there - those are the times that open your eyes.  The times when you say, what the hell am I doing here?

The times you need to walk away.



Thank you for reading my blog!

~Jenn

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5 comments:

  1. I absolutely agree! There have been several times in my life where I had to step back and assess my friendships: "Am I actually enjoying this friendship, and if not, why am I continuing in it?" In my novel, "Momnesia," one of the main issues also has to do with friends... "close friends" who become mysteriously absent when the main character gets a divorce! I've noticed this to be a VERY common issue in real life, too! The good news is, the friends we can really depend on, we can REALLY depend on. ;-)

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  2. Absolutely, Lori!!! I have to read Momnesia!! I can totally relate to that (from the distant past)!! Thanks so much for commenting <3

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  3. So true!!! I'm like you and I never know when I should walk away and I just keep getting walked all over until someone says "That friendship/relationship is NOT healthy! walk away!" lol! I totally agree with you! :)

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  4. I had a friendship like that that lasted over 10 years despite the fact that it was so unhealthy. I definitely felt hurt and taken advantage of more often than I felt cared for and appreciated by this person. In the end, I walked out of the friendship and never looked back, and although I sometimes do miss the person (because there WERE good times too) it is a relief to be done. Great post... I'm glad I'm not the only one!

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