I'm still holding to that decision, but knowing the dates are coming near - I began to think of all the time I'd wasted being so terribly sad or trying to run away from those painful memories. The times I'd pretended certain issues didn't exist.
you're doomed to repeat it.
I've done quite a lot of that in my life. The hiding, that is... Keeping secret the things I never wanted anyone to know about. Things I buried because I didn't want to deal with them.
Granted, some of the crap in my life was beyond my control. I can't help the things others have done. I can no longer control the way I'd acted in the past. I can only control NOW.
I had a lesson on what happens when you don't deal with the past & how you're inevitably doomed to repeat it. At one time, a long buried secret tore me apart inside. It was something that I was deeply ashamed of, for no good reason and something that caused me to snap during a time when things were already ... interesting in my life. An old "issue" came to light and brought psycho Jenn out from her deep slumber. I'm not proud, but it is what it is. It caused me to address the situation for what it was. It also gave me an opportunity to finally take a good look at things for what they really were and realize... I didn't want any of that! I was finally free!!
I finally got rid of those demons! Finally!
Sometimes you need to step back. Embrace the crap that you hate and just say, "hey, this may suck, but it's a part of who I am."
I can't change who I was, what I'd done or what was done to me - but I can learn the lessons and forge ahead knowing that I'm really happy with who I've become. Scars and all.