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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Sometimes you're a spectator... You hold the emotion in.

Sometimes you don't get to be the person who cries.

Sometimes you're the one who is called to be stoic in the face of overwhelming emotion because someone else is the one who gets to break down.

Sometimes, you're a spectator and you do what needs to be done. You remain calm and hold it all inside, for the sake of someone else.

Sometimes that's the most important thing.

Last night I drove up our street into our development to see several flashing lights in the driveway next door to my house.
My first instinct was - get there.

We love our neighbors.  We have a small, close knit, "hidden" neighborhood.  Everyone is friendly.  In many cases, including mine - everyone is related in some way.  If not genetically or by marriage they just feel like family because everyone looks out for each other.  Some of the neighbors have been here since the inception of our development in 1964.

I brought the short one inside with my daughter & confirmed my husband was already next door.

When I got to the house, I was motioned inside by my neighbor only to see my husband, along with the EMT's administering CPR to her husband.
She watched on - shaking and scared.

All I could think to do was sit her down and sheild her view from what could only be thought of as her own personal horror show - less than 20 feet away.

I'd never seen this before.  Not up close.  Not someone we knew and never my husband in the role of worker along side the paramedics and EMT's.  It's hard to remain calm, to hold it in.  I knew by my husband's face that it was already too late.  His wife knew too - she uttered the words over and over again "I know he's gone, I can feel it."  But it was not my time to cry.  So I didn't.

I'm not a big crier.  I mean, I cry.  I'm human, but with the exception of a few isolated emotionally charged incidents and real reasons to cry - I'm not a crier.  I wanted to cry.

I was able to remain calm, to hold it in & work to bring calm to my neighbor.  To convince her that she couldn't ride in the ambulance with the EMT's.  To talk to her daughter calmly to let her know where she should go & drive my neighbor to the hospital.

My husband went with the girls & thankfully our other neighbor drove with me to take our neighbor the hospital.  His calm demeanor was so welcome and comforting.  I was grateful he was there.

Driving down, we already knew.

Sometimes you don't get to be the one who cries.  Sometimes in the face of pure emotion, you hold up for someone else who needs to be the one to break down; The wife, the daughter, the family.

When I pulled back into my driveway, my husband was waiting at the front door.

He already knew.

It was at that time that I threw my arms around his neck and wept.

We will miss our friend, our neighbor and wish his family peace, love and comfort.

Thank you for reading my blog.

10 comments:

  1. Oh, Jenn :( How awful for everyone involved. So sad, so sudden. Your post moved me to tears; you're a good lady and I'm sure your neighbor will never forget you standing by her side. I wish you all peace as you deal with the loss of your friend. xo

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  2. Hugs and prayers to you all. A heartfelt post. Yeah I've lost some neighbors over time. It's always so sad.

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  3. No words, just love and hugs. Love you big, Cyn

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  4. I'm sorry Jenn :( Thankfully you were all there for her. <3

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  5. My heart breaks for this family---I cannot even imagine it. Your neighbor is lucky to have you--she'll be needing you now more than ever. You are such a beautiful person, Jenn, and the type of friend everyone needs in their life. Sending you hugs today and saying prayers for your neighbor.

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  6. Jenn I'm so sorry to hear about your neighbor's passing. As I'm typing this, I have just gotten back from picking my own husband up from the hospital. He was in A-Fib from Tuesday night at midnight through last night, so he's been in the hospital since then. Luckily our story had a much happier ending, but you are right, sometimes it's important to be the strong one for the others who are falling apart. I found out exactly who I can count on this week and I am so blessed to have them in my life. My condolences to your neighbor's wife.

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    1. Oh my gosh, Teri!! I'm glad your hubby's OK. My BFF's hubby had similar issues & just had the surgery to correct. I hope all is well. If I were closer, I'd have helped you <3
      Need to see you this summer... I have a book that needs signing xoxo

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    2. Teri, I'm so glad your Hubby is ok.

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  7. Jenn - I'm so sorry. I hope you are able to process everything and are doing as well as can be expected. It's hard to watch - we had a friend lose her husband a few years ago. My thoughts and prayers to your neighbor's wife and to all of you as well.
    -Joy

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  8. Jenn as an retired EMT, I am so proud of you for your actions. I once watched a Mom help me with her daughter after a crash. At the time, I had no idea I was asking the Mom to help. She was a trooper and did as I asked of her. Later, she became my partner and one of my best friends.

    I hope you found someone to talk to about this. Don't hold it in now. Now is the time to work through it. Otherwise, it can come back to haunt you later.

    Smooches from Oz.

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