Thursday, April 4, 2013
Day Out of Work Guilt....Really
As I sit here in my kitchen, in front of my computer looking out my window - I'm feeling guilty.
No, really - I am. It's a week day and I should be at work. Instead, I'm home with sick kids.
That should give me a pass, right? Especially since I don't usually get guilt. But today - I feel guilt.
Once upon a time, I worked full, full time AND I had a part time job. I perpetually worked my arse off just trying to make ends meet. I longed for the days where I could sit home and not go to work. After I had my daughter, wish granted. I stayed home for the first 5 years, but was climbing the walls with boredom. I went out and sought ways to work from home. Not the most profitable route, but it kept me busy and kept my brain active.
Now here I am again - back at work. I the office semi-full time. Full time mommy of everything else outside the office. Everything operates under my control - ya know, except for days I let hubby think he's in charge. I run a tight ship. We have a routine. That's how I like it and it runs perfectly - unless someone gets sick.
Don't think for a second that I don't enjoy my days off. I truly do. I've got plenty around the homestead to keep me busy. It's just that days like today... I don't feel like I should be home.
I feel... guilty.
I think of all the things that need to be done at the office & all the things that I know others can't do and hoping those things don't fall into play in my absence. Holy heck...when did I become this person? The woman that misses work. WTH??
I can remember the days of looking out my office window at the sunshine thinking... someday. Someday I will be carefree and frolic in the sunshine in bare feet. I won't care about work - I'll run and play and do it every day. Not so much.
Don't get me wrong - when my hubby wakes me up before he leaves, I look at the clock and immediately think - "Uggggg, I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to go to work. I want to go out and play!" But ya know, I go and I'm cool with it. What the heck else am I going to do? The kids are in school - usually. Not like I want to sit in the house all day. Many of my friends are working too - so I can't play all day - and I'd run out of funds. I hate that....running out of funds, I mean.
Oh yeah.. another reason I love my job. It gives me the means to go out and play when - when I'm not working. When it's acceptable to be out. When I don't need to hide, or feel guilty about not being in work.
For now, just for today I'll carry this silly "I should be at work guilt." I'll take care of my sick kiddies and look out the window knowing that even though the sun is shining brightly - it's cold as heck out there anyway and summer is just around the corner.
Thank you for reading my blog!