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Thursday, December 20, 2012

Why cut so deep?

Have you ever had a knock down, drag out fight with someone you're very close with and they just say the meanest, cruelest things?

What's up with that?  Do you really WANT me to never speak to you again?  Because that's where this is headed if you're going to roll out the big guns & try to cut me so deep that I can't breathe.

Don't people know the power of their words?

I know that I can tend to be fairly sharp tongued in some situations, but I'm not sure that I ever cut so deep that my words will continue to echo in the minds of the person I care about.  If I'm really mad, I'll say what I have to say.  It won't be candy coated - but it also won't me meant to leave you feeling like you've been hit by a Mack truck either!  Sheesh!

This is something I don't understand.  As I said, YES - I know that I can be petty sharp tongued now and again, but if I care about someone - I care about their feelings too.  I'm not going to say something to try to make them feel like total crap about themselves with something that has absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand.

It's like little kids....
Kid #1:     "Hey, you knocked my ice cream out of my hands.  Watch where you're going..."
Kid #2:     "Yeah, well you're ugly and your mom hates you."

Yeah, it's like that.

And again... Why?

Listen, I don't like to be wrong either.  I'd actually rather poke my eyes out with a stick (OK, not really) than say that I'm Wr... Wr....  never mind.

Sometimes it's just about being accountable.  Maybe you don't feel like you're wrong.  Maybe you feel like you've done XYZ for a perfectly justifiable reason.  What - friggin - ever.

Is it REALLY worth burying someone so deep in words that they're wrecked?

What does it solve?  Who does it help?

Admission....  I have a naughty little pleasure...
The Housewives shows.  Yes, it's true.  I LOVE THOSE FRIGGIN' SHOWS!  All of them.  Why?  I don't know.

Last night I watched The Housewives of Beverly Hills, and this one woman totally shred another woman AT A DINNER PARTY.  Yes, I know it's "reality TV" so I don't take any of it as actual reality - but it obviously got me thinking enough to write this post.

Maybe those women aren't all besties in real life.  Maybe they're not friends at all in real life, but ya know what?  IT HAPPENS... In real life, all the time!  Yes, I've been shredded in the past.  Didn't like it much either.  Especially since I didn't understand where all the animosity came from.  Yes, I will let you know exactly what's bothering me.  Yes, I will absolutely dump 4 years worth of crap into your lap (because that's about how long it takes for me to have enough) but I would never, ever tell you that your momma wears combat boots & your daddy don't love you.  I wouldn't say the meanest possible things I could say just because I didn't like what I was hearing.  I wouldn't shred you.  Truth, if you were as bad as the mean things said - we wouldn't be friends to begin with.

What does that even do, other than destroy another person's comfort zone toward you?  Did you get that?  Not toward themselves, toward  YOU.  Forgiven or not.  Good or not - the invisible wall will ALWAYS be there.  The words will ALWAYS echo through the corridors of their minds and they will NEVER fully trust  you again.

So now I ask it worth it?

Thank you for reading my blog!



  1. This is an excellent point:

    Truth, if you were as bad as the mean things said - we wouldn't be friends to begin with.

    Very well said, Jenn. Great post (as usual).

  2. Ahhhh, you. You... are such a dear. I wonder this myself, all the time. I really try to live by the golden rule: Treat Others the Way You Want to be Treated.

    I think most of the time, the truly hurtful things that some people say are really a reflection of their own shame. The most hurtful comments are often completely hypocritical, to the point of being ironic.

    I love your little rays of sunshine.

  3. Great post. BTW, if you like the "housewives" you'll LOOOVVVE Cheer Moms. They are NAAASSSTYYYY!

  4. a.) totally following you back like a stalker.
    b.) i love this post. i KNOW i am guilty of it sometimes, too.
    c.) i can't wait to read more.
    d.) i don't know why i am writing an outline.

  5. @Anne...Cheer Moms? I've never heard of that one...Hey Jenn, we should look that one up ASAP! lol Great post :)

  6. This actually happened to me yesterday. Over an issue that my SIL and I differ on greatly. Words were said that can never be taken back. She put a wall up between us that was already starting to grow. It is sad, really, when you put your views ahead of your family.

  7. Great post as always! Over the years I have started becoming "obnoxious" to such hurtful/hateful words as they come out of "little" people's mouths. "Little" in grace, love, kindness, self-worth and dignity. I won't give them the satisfaction to see me hurt (even if I am) but I will have the satisfaction of seeing them boil in anger as I move forward (in some cases without them in my life)looking unaffected and stronger and happier (often just to spite them!) I favor this attitude: "I don't give a s*~#t about what you're saying. I won't stoop down to your level to answer you (cause I'm so much better than you!) And you can just kiss my a**s! Bye!"

  8. I have a few people in my world that pull out the big guns when they argue with you - shredding you through your soul. I finally have come to terms that those are people I simply don't need in my life. I mean, clearly if you feel that way about me - you're better off without our "friendship" as well. It's better to have a few close friends who would help bury bodies with you instead of a bunch of friends who bury you with hurt.

    Tracy @ Momaical


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