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Monday, February 11, 2013

If today was your last day... Take 2

I am re-posting this today, Monday, February 11, 2013 - the first of two days where I will go say good bye to my dear friend, Edmund V. Cussick III.  (you can click Ed's name to read tribute)

This post was initially written for him in March 5, 2012.  I have edited it slightly to show you exactly what the original inspiration was for this post & so that you can get a small taste of what a big heart my dear friend had.

Ed...This is for you, bud.  I love you and you will never be forgotten.  Rest in peace dear heart.

I've been inspired by a dear friend of mine, who was brave enough to bare himself online with tragedy he's lived with for many, many years.

His words touched me so deeply that I thought I should ask you all, What if today was your last day? (Yes, that is Nickeback and I know your disdain for Nickelback, dear friend.  I, however, LOVE Nickelback - so in my blog it is.)

As I've stated over and over again - I am a perpetual work in progress.  I consistently take one step forward and three steps back, especially since I've faced my own mortality.  This is something I'm working on.

The challenge that I have faced, that has been presented to me in my dear friend's declaration is "How do I want to be remembered?"

Most times, I am happy with the person I am.  I have recently been in a situation where I saw people I hadn't seen in many years and don't know if I'll ever see again.  I can honestly say - if today IS my last day... I do NOT want them to remember that "Jenn".

People who know the Jenn I really am, know I just love, love, love.  I work hard to be a good wife, mom and friend.  I want to be sure everyone is happy & taken care of.  I don't like anyone to feel inconvenienced.  If I can make things flow smoothly - I'll take it on the chin to be sure someone else is happy.  I would give all I am for someone else.  No, I'm not at all a door mat - just try and step on me!  I'm also pretty strong & very outspoken. Kids make me happy!  Especially my kids.  I love everything about kids & love to watch them learn and grow.  I love to make a difference, even if it's just a small one.  I  have fun.  I'm silly and goofy and like to let loose.  This is the person I want to be remembered as.

Sometime, just sometimes..."letting loose" is not such a good thing and I embarrass myself.  When I'm around people who already know and love me - it's all good. Sometimes people see a Jenn I'm not as proud of and that makes me sad.  I do care about the foot print I've left behind.  I do care about how I will be remembered.

Have you thought about that lately?  At all?

My dear friend had said, "...But we can live each day in a manner in which we would want to be remembered on our last day. To live our lives with, Honor, Integrity, Decency, Humility, Honesty, Respect, Passion, Love and of course with great Humor."

That's some really good advice!

I am so incredibly grateful to places like Facebook for reconnecting me with amazing friends from my past & bringing them into my present & future, whom I'd never know again otherwise.

To my dear, sweet & wonderful friend - I love you to pieces.  You inspire me & have made me really search my soul and re-consider...What if today was my last day?

What if today was your last day?  How will I remember you?

For a little back reflection... This is the inspiration for my posting.  Taken from my dear friend Ed's Facebook page.  March 2, 2012:

As I've said in the past, I don't usually post personal stuff on here, but I'm having a bit of a rough time today and would like to share some things. Today is another important anniversary in my life, but one I don't celebrate. March 2nd 1987, my boss, Dennis Schwart, was crushed to death in a baling machine where I work. Every day that I've been at work for the last 25 yrs, I've cried over his death, and relived this in my head, telling the other kid to go run the machine, not knowing my boss was in there, Him running up to me and saying, "You told me to run the machine, and now Dennis is dead." And the horrible feeling I had when I saw the hopper door open. And then going into the machine and seeing him there. It's a feeling I've experienced for 25 yrs, and I hope none you ever feel it for a second. And I'm sorry if I've freaked any of you out, it wasn't my intention. Nor did I tell you this to solicit any sympathy. It is what it is, and I deal with it the best I can. But I did want to share some lessons I've learned from it. One of the main things I've learned is to not judge people I try very hard not to. We all have things in our lives which affect us tremendously, whether positively or negatively. Whenever we meet someone, we have no idea what has happened tho that person that in day, week, or their lifetime to bring to the point when you encounter them. So you just have to accept them for who they are, embrace them for who they are, and maybe even love them for who they are. (Except maybe if they're assholes, Then I just don't deal with them, but I don't judge!) I've always hated when people say, "that person has issues." Guess what, we all do! It's called life! Or "they have baggage," well some people's baggage fits in the overhead bin, some people's won't fit on the plane, but we all have issues in our life which shape who we are. We all share a lot of the same problems, but everyone deals and reacts to them differently, and we should remember this when we are dealing with people. And the other thing I learned, is that life is fleeting, tomorrow is not guaranteed. At first I applied this lesson the wrong way, and just started partying way too much, not giving a shit about the future. I realized that was no way to live, and got help and cleaned myself up. There's a popular expression that says, "Live every day like it's your last." It looks great on a bumper sticker or as a FB post, but it's not very realistic. If it was our last day, we wouldn't go to work, let the kids eat whatever the hell they want for breakfast, etc,etc. But we can live each day in a manner in which we would want to be remembered on our last day. To live our lives with, Honor, Integrity, Decency, Humility, Honesty, Respect, Passion, Love and of course with great Humor. I try to live my life in this manner. I may not always succeed, But I try. If you're still reading this, thanks for letting me get some things off my chest. Oh, and as always, before I forget, I LOVE YOU!

I am incredibly proud to have called Ed friend.  He left an amazing footprint behind and a legacy of love that will never die.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Lots of love,

1 comment:

  1. {hugs} Jenn... I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I know you will keep his legacy alive and his memories close to your heart <3


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