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Sunday, July 31, 2011

Why did I come in here again??

You may have noticed that the print on my blog has gotten considerably larger since my first posting.

That would be because I have officially reached that stage in my life where my arms are too short, the print is too small and I can't see a darn thing.

How the heck did this all happen anyway???  Just the other day I was 20 something, or eh 30 something...  Well, whatever - so I'm doing a balancing act in the middle of the teeter totter - who cares??  Not me!  Age is just a number right??

I'll just keep reminding myself of that while I look a the size of my ever expanding butt in the mirror & rub cream into those eh hem "smile lines" of mine.

It could be worse, right??  There are so many positive things going on - I wrote them all down in my little notebook.  Crap where the heck did I put that.  Ok...  Oh, that's right - the notebook!  Let me get that.  Why am I in this room again??  Oh, to fold laundry...  Uh yeah....  I think the teeter totter has officially begun to tip to the other side and I'm starting to lose my balance!

So let's take inventory, shall we.  So far, I'm losing my eye sight.  I've lost my cute little chippie figure.  I've got all these new stupid little lines on my face and oh - did I mention to those pesky gray hairs...  No, of course not - I forgot!

To add insult to injury, while interviewing for job openings at my office - 3/4 of the candidates that apply for the job were born the year I graduated high school or later...  Ugh...

Mentally, I don't get it.  I genuinely believe that I can fit right in with the younger folk.  And while I'm thinking I'm incredibly cool - they're secretly rolling their eyes.  At least those young whipper snappers are polite :)

So here's to the old folk like us...  I SAID, HERE'S TO THE OLD FOLK LIKE US!

I swear, we'll still be the coolest bunch of seniors at the old folks home.  Right, dearie? 

Enjoy a beautiful day!!

Thank you for reading my blog.

~Jenn

"Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face" ~Truvy Jones "Steele Magnolias"

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Walk softly, carry big wine....

If you are a male in this world, at some point in time you WILL be dealing with one of us hormonal "she folk".

There's no getting around it.

If you're young and haven't figured it out yet, take note - this is some real eye opening stuff.

I reflect back to an episode of Roseanne, where Dan runs into the house and is hurriedly trying to collect his stuff & get the door out unnoticed by Roseanne.

In the meantime he is stopped by his family & frantically says... Don't you know what today is???  And in a very Y M C A dance way, spells out the letters P.M.S.  Do you remember that???   (Click here for clip:  Roseanne)

Laugh now, you see that beautiful woman over there???  Secretly, she's Sybil.

No matter how hot she may be, no matter how sweet, no matter how young -- at some point in time, her head is going to spin around on her shoulders - ala the Exorcist & she is going to spew things at you that may shock and appall you, and you will never understand what triggered it.

Don't even bother...  We don't understand it either.

Insanity you say??  Let me lay it out for you...
Have you ever gone someplace & seen someone completely and totally freaking out, and there was nothing you could do about it?  Do you know that feeling?

Now - imagine that the person freaking out is you.  You know it's happening & there's absolutely nothing you can do about it...

That, dear man, is P.M.S.  Are you frightened yet?

I personally like to think that my husband and family got off easy.

For the most part, I'm (mostly) well behaved.  I give all the appropriate "leave me the heck alone" signs.  (though my family may strongly disagree)  If you are unlucky enough to have trampled on that stray nerve, watch out - You may awaken the beast & I will keep coming at you until everyone's day is miserable.  (I know you ladies are giggling because you know exactly what I'm talking about)

This is not a regular routine for me (thank God) but it is always a possibility.  I know I'm not alone.  You can't make this stuff up.

If you're smart - you'll just stay away or quickly throw some nice Swiss dark chocolate and a bottle of red wine my way and head for the hills.

My behaviors, I'm told, are nothing compared to others I've heard about...  I knew a woman who would go on depression shopping sprees during PMS, and drop hundreds or even thousands of dollars & she was still mean!

To top it all off, because we all know not to shop while hormonal, she would either give the stuff away, donate it or let it sit in the back of a closet somewhere.  Untouched.

Yup, it's insanity, but that's our insanity...  Don't try to figure it out - just let it be.  You've been warned.

Walk softly, carry BIG wine!

Or, as Vada Sultenfuss says to her friend Thomas J. in the movie "My Girl", "Get outta here! And don't come back for five to seven days"

Thanks for reading my blog!

Have a sane day :)

~Jenn

Monday, July 25, 2011

Frogs ARE smart!

I hate for my opening blog to be ridiculous, but this is officially a day in the life of Jenn...

Ok, so back when my little girl was in 1st grade, I thought it would be really cool to get her a "grow a frog" kit for Christmas.  (Grow a Frog kits are available at Amazon.com) 

Mommy loves and collects frogs (but please don't buy me any for my collection) and CC has learned to love them to.  So, we got and grew our frogs. 

Now 2 1/2 years later - the 3 tadpoles have grown into rather large aquatic frogs & we have them in a 10 gallon tank with a gold fish.  There used to be 3 frogs...  One frog mysteriously disappeared sometime last year (we blamed the kitty). 

Descending the stairs to the basement yesterday, I noted a frog shaped blob on the floor.  YUCK...  I thought, crap how did this guy escape & here's another dead one to explain to my daughter.  I grab a paper towel & he jumped....  OMG he's alive!!  I quickly scooped him up in a cup of water, brought him to the sink & he shook off the fuzz and lint he'd collected and I threw him back into the tank.  Still completely and totally perplexed on how he escaped to begin with, we sealed all potential exits & moved on with the day. 

At dinnertime, I went to feed the frogs & fish and lo and behold, we were again shy a frog.  I was SHOCKED - I looked again, and there he was INSIDE of the filter, again trying to escape.  Really??  Why the heck would this frog want to endure the torture of being covered in lint almost dead again?  I fished him out of the filter & went on. 

Sure enough last night, while lying in bed last night I hear - clank, clank, clank - that little bugger found his escape route, remembered it & was trying to get out once again. 

No more screenings of Finding Nemo for this frog!! 

I was relieved to see that he was still in the tank this morning, but he's clearly not a happy froggie anymore.

Looks like I'll be calling the frog farm today on the other side of town.  I'd much rather have him live out the rest of his little life with other froggie friends.  So later we will say bye to Sunshine.  Moonlight will be a very lonely little froggie until we set her free too.

So you see - frogs ARE smart!